Dealing with Disappointment in Marriage

[EnglishRose720]

How do I deal with disappointment in my marriage.

I love my husband, I am attracted to him, yet there is so much hurt and disappointment in my marriage.
He gambles. He is a wonderful father, but my mistrust in him and the danger he puts our family in by gambling hurts us, and in a way, cancels out his wonderful fathering skills.

the economy is hurting us, and he gambles more it seems whilst we are scraping. We can make it, but every month hundreds of dollars are whittled away. over the years, ten of thousands.

This affects us, and I am hurting so much because I cannot go to him. I guess out of his guilt he is so angry and fights me in a cruel way, He doesn’t hurt me, but I come from an abusive past and he intimidates me with his temper until I am crumpled on the floor.

I pray to our Holy Mother, to St Joseph to help be a better husband and provider. To St Ann and St Joaquin for our relationship.

But i feel bitterness growing. Lastly, I am very much struggling with the idea of using some non permanent, barrier birth control (or copper IUD) because I don’t trust him. He sneaks out to gamble and I don’t want to bring another child along to make my fears greater. Also I suffered 2 miscarriages last year, and do not know if I can take anymore hormonal fluxes that cause episodes of deep depression.

I don’t trust him to let us grow our family. We use the rhythm method, but rarely have sex anyway bc I am always so hurt I cry during intimate moments.

any advice appreciated, and I am collecting my thoughts before going to confession.

 

[Irishmom2]

I am sorry that you are dealing with this, OP.

Does your husband acknowledge that he has a problem or is he in denial? I think that if he would admit his problem, you might be able to get help. You may want to start with the source of his anger all the time.

Maybe if you are in charge of the money, he wouldn’t have such free reign to gamble it away. But again, he would have to admit to a problem in order to agree to that arrangement.

Would he agree to go for marriage counseling? If not, you should go alone. Someone will be able to support you and offer suggestions for you to become stronger and not be afraid to talk to him about how he is hurting your family.

Continue your prayers, of course, but make an appointment with your parish priest and see what he suggests for you to move forward.

May God Bless you and guide you.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

If you are otherwise making it, including putting in emergency savings and putting aside for retirement, then a few hundred dollars a month on entertainment doesn’t seem that excessive. If his gambling is putting you in danger then perhaps work with a counselor to get your husband to self-ban from casinos and give you control of the checkbook.

 

[TyburnTreeHuggr]

You could also look into the more reliable NFP (rather than the rhythm method) when things start to turn around and you’re ready for intimacy again.

 

[EnglishRose720]

If you are otherwise making it, including putting in emergency savings and putting aside for retirement, then a few hundred dollars a month on entertainment doesn’t seem that excessive. If his gambling is putting you in danger then perhaps work with a counselor to get your husband to self-ban from casinos and give you control of the checkbook.

In some of our most dramatic fights, he admits he has a problem, Ive gotten him to say the words. It is my fault too as i am an enabler.

And a few hundred a month is quite excessive when we cannot save and and by making it we are scraping by. He won’t self ban,
I get bitter about the money he has spent on himself, but never me. I do have control of the finances, but lately he will go out while i am sleeping and spend money from the direct deposit on the paycheck before I can pay bills with it.

i will look deeper into NFP, but I just feel like I am failing at God’s plan by mistrusting my husband, I am mistrusting God’s will for our family.

 

[1ke]

Start by seeking help for yourself through a support group that understands gambling addictions:

gam-anon.org/index.php/about-gam-anon

Then seek help for yourself to deal with his anger and abusive behavior, as well as your r past abuse, through professional counseling.

You cannot change him, only he can do that. What you can do is change you and your responses to his behavior.

 

[Xantippe]

Start by seeking help for yourself through a support group that understands gambling addictions:

gam-anon.org/index.php/about-gam-anon

Then seek help for yourself to deal with his anger and abusive behavior, as well as your r past abuse, through professional counseling.

You cannot change him, only he can do that. What you can do is change you and your responses to his behavior.

Yes.

 

[Xantippe]

i will look deeper into NFP, but I just feel like I am failing at God’s plan by mistrusting my husband, I am mistrusting God’s will for our family.

You aren’t failing by mistrusting your husband–your reality is that your husband isn’t trust-wothy.