Dealing with disappointment.

[EasterJoy]

But YOU ARE MARRIED, and are not at the start of your young adult life! Therefore, the joke is not the same, and you are not trying to shock your mom, but rather, poke fun of her attitude that you already have enough children. In your case, your mom has a good idea that you and your wife may not be expecting.

Chris’ stunt came out of the blue, at a time in life when that sort of thing CAN HAPPEN to college students, and change the trajectory of their lives PERMANENTLY. This involves bringing a NEW LIFE INTO BEING. It is not just that HIS life will change, there are at least 2 other people involved: the expectant mother, and the baby!

I am not trying to keep Chris upset. He knows it was a bad choice. I just cannot fathom how people can imagine themselves in his parents’ place and not feel a similar amount of distress. No, I cannot see how it could be funny to anyone, anywhere.

There are families where this joke would be considered a joke. They are used to the realization that their families are willing to pull each other’s leg about anything, and they are not the kind that get all cranked up about anything, even real disasters.

If your mother types IN ALL CAPS ANY TIME SHE THINKS THAT POSSIBLY SOMETHING AWFUL MIGHT BEFALL YOU, then you would be either very unwise or just plain cruel to play this kind of a joke on her. If she is the more roll-with-the-punches type, then possibly you might get by with it.

A CAVEAT MUST BE OFFERED: No mother is likely to think this funny, exactly, but any mother who would think this is an allowable prank is the same kind of mother who would lock you outside with nothing other than a wet towel around your body when your new girlfiend is going to be there for dinner with her prudish parents in half an hour. Ha, ha, son!! (Your brothers and younger sister will think Mom is hilarious!!)

A prankish sense of humor cuts both ways, guys. Don’t mess with a mom who would tolerate a joke like this, because no matter how she takes it, chances are that you will live to regret it!

Hell hath no fury like a woman in a prank war!!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Yeah, that was before 911. Now, that sort of thing would land you in jail, big time. We should start a practical joke thread. Ive pulled some good ones and had some good ones pulled on me. My senior year in high school some of my teammates filled my entire car with those little tiny plastic balls that they use for fake snow. I’m 37 now and 8 cars removed from that joke and I’ll be danged if sometimes I still find one of those little buggers. And every time I do it brings a little smile to my face.

It is worth it to point out that the original poster’s joke was cruel. I would never send my wife divorce papers or the like. He needs to learn who his audience is and how far is too far. I made many mistakes and hurt some people I never should have learning those lessons.

There can be permanent consequences from pranks. Some people will forgive that kind of thing, but cut you out of their lives. Fortunately, Chris’ mom can’t just cut him out…

 

[EasterJoy]

Some people will forgive that kind of thing, but cut you out of their lives.

Wow. Just…wow.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Wow. Just…wow.

If someone cut me out of their life for a harmless prank (assuming they weren’t a close relative), I’d probably think it for the best and wonder how I even got to be friends with them in the first place. I’ve always enjoyed harmless pranks myself, and I’m a very conscientious student, I do volunteer work, etc. In fact, my friends and I pulled some good pranks in undergrad, and we all had really difficult majors and were generally good kids. Pranksters aren’t bad people…actually, my parents always say that a good sense of humor is a sign of intelligence. The older I get, the more I realize that my success in life is very much due to the fact that my parents were never overly uptight or overbearing. They nurtured me and tried not to restrict harmless expressions of my personality. All of my friends who had similar parents are doing really well in life too. The ones who had the helicopter parents seem to have had issues adjusting to adult life. Of course, all situations are different, but I think there has to be a valuable kernel of information involved. And yeah, sorry to derail here.

Chris, how are things going?

 

[28562]

I just cannot fathom how people can imagine themselves in his parents’ place and not feel a similar amount of distress.

I can’t fathom how anyone with a lick of common sense wouldn’t look at the calendar, take a deep breath, and get the entire story before freaking out for days on end.

 

[Joan_M]

If someone cut me out of their life for a harmless prank (assuming they weren’t a close relative), I’d probably think it for the best and wonder how I even got to be friends with them in the first place.

Except what the OP did was NOT a harmless prank. It was thoughtless and designed to hurt, whether he realized this or not. This was not a joke. It was appalling.

I’ve always enjoyed harmless pranks myself, and I’m a very conscientious student, I do volunteer work, etc. In fact, my friends and I pulled some good pranks in undergrad, and we all had really difficult majors and were generally good kids.

**Very few pranks are harmless. They are the expression of idle minds and f people who are immature and thoughtless. A joke is only a joke if it is clear to the recipient that it is a joke. If it is something that a reasonable person would think to be true, then it is a lie and a sin. **

Pranksters aren’t bad people…actually, my parents always say that a good sense of humor is a sign of intelligence. The older I get, the more I realize that my success in life is very much due to the fact that my parents were never overly uptight or overbearing. They nurtured me and tried not to restrict harmless expressions of my personality. All of my friends who had similar parents are doing really well in life too. The ones who had the helicopter parents seem to have had issues adjusting to adult life.

**The OP’s parents are not “helicopter parents”. His utter thoughtlessness caused them to think that their son had given in to temptation and committed mortal sin (the sex, not the baby). It must have been a terrible shock, and then to find out that it was a prank. If he was my son I would have been strongly tempted to hit him! The utter cruelty of his thoughtlessness! **

Of course, all situations are different, but I think there has to be a valuable kernel of information involved. And yeah, sorry to derail here.

Chris, how are things going?

Yes, there is a valuable kernel of information involved. Their son is still a little boy.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

If someone cut me out of their life for a harmless prank (assuming they weren’t a close relative), I’d probably think it for the best and wonder how I even got to be friends with them in the first place. I’ve always enjoyed harmless pranks myself, and I’m a very conscientious student, I do volunteer work, etc. In fact, my friends and I pulled some good pranks in undergrad, and we all had really difficult majors and were generally good kids. Pranksters aren’t bad people…actually, my parents always say that a good sense of humor is a sign of intelligence. The older I get, the more I realize that my success in life is very much due to the fact that my parents were never overly uptight or overbearing. They nurtured me and tried not to restrict harmless expressions of my personality. All of my friends who had similar parents are doing really well in life too. The ones who had the helicopter parents seem to have had issues adjusting to adult life. Of course, all situations are different, but I think there has to be a valuable kernel of information involved. And yeah, sorry to derail here.

Chris, how are things going?

Here’s a “harmless” prank. I impulsively pulled this on my roommate on April 1. We were getting ready for work in the morning. I was in the bathroom. Her hair curlers were plugged in as usual. I yelled out to her, “Sandy! Your curlers burned through the counter!” in my best horrified tone. She came running in, and I immediately said, “April Fool!” Even for those few seconds, though, she was frightened and concerned, for a lie I told.

The kind of stunt that Chris pulled is not harmless.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I can’t fathom how anyone with a lick of common sense wouldn’t look at the calendar, take a deep breath, and get the entire story before freaking out for days on end.

And what if it was a coincidence that April 1st was the date on the calendar? What if the mom said, “Oh, you joker,” and the son then continued by saying, “I’m not joking, Mom?” Just to continue with the joke.

 

[28562]

And what if it was a coincidence that April 1st was the date on the calendar? What if the mom said, “Oh, you joker,” and the son then continued by saying, “I’m not joking, Mom?” Just to continue with the joke.

So what if it was real? Would that warrant the reaction his parents have given him? Should they cry, not listen, berate him, be furious, yell, etc as they have done? I would certainly hope that most good, responsible parents (even if the situation WAS real) would treat the situation with more love and acceptance rather than anger and fury. His parents are out of line with their treatment. They need to grow up a little and get over it…

Would Jesus have stayed this p’d off for days?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

So what if it was real? Would that warrant the reaction his parents have given him? Should they cry, not listen, berate him, be furious, yell, etc as they have done? I would certainly hope that most good, responsible parents (even if the situation WAS real) would treat the situation with more love and acceptance rather than anger and fury. His parents are out of line with their treatment. They need to grow up a little and get over it…

Would Jesus have stayed this p’d off for days?

Yes, at first, they would have those emotions and that reaction. If it were true, they would have to move past it and focus on the baby. If they never did that, then it is their weakness.

The fact that their son saw this as an arena to joke about is part of the problem.

 

[EasterJoy]

I just cannot fathom how people can imagine themselves in his parents’ place and not feel a similar amount of distress.

I can fathom the magnitude of the distress, but not the idea that it ought to be universal. The OP might well have known his parents would not take this joke well, but many people simply do not get this upset about a mis-calculated attempt at humor. Some of us can rather quickly let go of our distress when we find out the happy news that our distress was entirely misplaced.

As for the OP’s father’s comment that he "“hopes that I can repair the hurt that I’ve caused them”…that is as much in the parents’ court as in the OP’s. The OP can only do so much. It was the parents’ choice to go ballistic at this news–honestly, I hope I do better than that if my children actually send me an ultrasound of a real grandchild conceived out of wedlock, because they’ll need someone to remain calm. If the parents decide to hold a grudge over this, it is out of his hands, and on theirs. His job is to do what he can to make amends, not to hold on to a big load of guilt and anxiety until they decide to move past it and reconcile. If they insist that he do more than make amends, if they insist that he beat himself up and buy into the whole package of shame and guilt in order to placate them, the most mature thing for him to do is to decline to carry that load of emotional baggage, whether his parents see it that way or not.

After all, they have to decide whether their relationship with their son and their acceptance that he is a flawed human being like the rest of us is more important than their need to hold on to the feeling of how they chose to react to his “news” and their need to extract emotional vengeance. That is something for them to look at, and nothing he can accomplish in them.

–Well, I’ve got to check out for Triduum…Have a Blessed Easter, Everyone!! –

 

[Et_Cetera]

Yes, there is a valuable kernel of information involved. Their son is still a little boy.

Cool. My friends, family, and I are all doing pretty well in this world, and I think for the time being we’ll keep our senses of humor. Pranks are not idle and immature by nature. You’ve apparently never played a good one.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Yes, at first, they would have those emotions and that reaction. If it were true, they would have to move past it and focus on the baby. If they never did that, then it is their weakness.

The fact that their son saw this as an arena to joke about is part of the problem.

Ha, I like that prank. I don’t think Chris wanted to hurt his parents though. And for the record, I don’t support pranks and jokes that are rude by nature or that would offend. I don’t think Chris wanted to upset his parents with the ultrasound. In fact, I think he is probably hurt that his parents didn’t know by his personality that he was joking. Really, if this religious young man had gotten someone pregnant, would he really announce it to his parents via email? I highly doubt it.

One time my dad got a package in the mail from a friend, and my mother and I took out the real gift and replaced it with old half-used tin of mints that we found at the bottom of my bookbag (I was in grade school). I think there was gum or something stuck to the side of the tin as well. We re-packaged it perfectly, and didn’t say anything. Later in the day he came into the dining room holding the tin with the most puzzled look on his face. He said, “I don’t know why anyone would send this.” We tried to keep it going, but everyone ended up laughing. Humor is good.

 

[twoangels]

Chris, I am going to borrow your thread for a minute, because I am puzzled about people’s responses to your OP.

To those of you who responded that you think Chris’ little prank was funny:

If Chris were married and his wife were pregnant with the first grandchild of both families, and he decided to play a prank on his parents and tell them that his wife had miscarried, do you think THAT would be funny too?

If Chris told his parents that his wife had decided to abort the baby, even if it was a prank, would THAT be funny?

I am frankly stunned at those of you who do not seem to understand the degree of MAGNITUDE of this “joke.” I guess maybe Chris is not alone in his immaturity. Can you not imagine your own reaction if one of your children did the same thing? The degree of seriousness of this prank…

What if he had gotten a friend to call his parents and tell them there had been an accident and their son was seriously hurt or dead? Would THAT have been funny?

We are not talking about death and murder that have a complete finality to it. Even if your son or daughter is living in sin, so long as your son or daughter is alive, there is hope for repentence. Moreover, even when a child is conceived out of wedlock, that child is still a blessing. That life is still a good thing. As such, this is not the same thing as any of examples.

Unforunately, I truthfully am saddened by his parents’ response. What sort of open environment are they giving him to come to if he were ever to fall into sin and get a girl pregnant? Just look how little he thinks of himself because of how they’ve treated him with this prank. Its family environments like where young pregnant girls try to hid their pregnanies from their parents’ through abortion.

 

[twoangels]

I can’t fathom how anyone with a lick of common sense wouldn’t look at the calendar, take a deep breath, and get the entire story before freaking out for days on end.

Absolutely! If this were some random prank another other day of the year, it’d be another story. But its April Fools. Its a day where you have be be weary about taking anything seriously. Honestly, if I were thinking of announcing a real pregnancy, I’d wait till April 2nd just to make sure it weren’t confused with an April fool’s joke.

 

[topher98]

As of today, I have still not talked to my mother. On this most solemn day, my family always takes part in the traditional “9 Churches Walk” (great Catholic tradition, if you’ve never heard of it- basically Stations of the Cross in 9 different churches around town). Anyways, my mother usually sends texts to all of the children telling us what church she is at (since all of us are out of town, my parents are doing the tradition without us and sending us each church name via text). I, however, have received no such texts today, and my other siblings have (I asked them about it and they said ‘yes we are receiving texts from mom, why?’). Obviously my mother is still in great anguish over this. I mailed my letter 2 days ago, so she will probably receive it today. I will call her tonight and face the music. I am so unbelievably ready to move past this issue and reconnect with my parents again…

 

[twoangels]

As of today, I have still not talked to my mother. On this most solemn day, my family always takes part in the traditional “9 Churches Walk” (great Catholic tradition, if you’ve never heard of it- basically Stations of the Cross in 9 different churches around town). Anyways, my mother usually sends texts to all of the children telling us what church she is at (since all of us are out of town, my parents are doing the tradition without us and sending us each church name via text). I, however, have received no such texts today, and my other siblings have (I asked them about it and they said ‘yes we are receiving texts from mom, why?’). Obviously my mother is still in great anguish over this. I mailed my letter 2 days ago, so she will probably receive it today. I will call her tonight and face the music. I am so unbelievably ready to move past this issue and reconnect with my parents again…

You’re parents’ behavior is getting to the ridiculous! What you did was not THAT bad. They should have communicated they were hurt, taken a simple apology over the phone and moved on.

Please do not beat yourself up over this. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

As of today, I have still not talked to my mother. On this most solemn day, my family always takes part in the traditional “9 Churches Walk” (great Catholic tradition, if you’ve never heard of it- basically Stations of the Cross in 9 different churches around town). Anyways, my mother usually sends texts to all of the children telling us what church she is at (since all of us are out of town, my parents are doing the tradition without us and sending us each church name via text). I, however, have received no such texts today, and my other siblings have (I asked them about it and they said ‘yes we are receiving texts from mom, why?’). Obviously my mother is still in great anguish over this. I mailed my letter 2 days ago, so she will probably receive it today. I will call her tonight and face the music. I am so unbelievably ready to move past this issue and reconnect with my parents again…

Now I have to join with the others and say, it’s time for your mom to forgive you. This seems less like she is in anguish and more like she’s trying to punish you with her silence. That’s not good behavior on her part. I don’t know how much punishment you are going to get from her. I guess part of it depends on how many other resentments she has been holding onto. Don’t accept all of her anger, Chris - Sure you blew it, but you know that, and you’ve apologized. Now, it’s up to your mom and dad to also grow up a little and let it GO already.

That custom sounds really special, too.



Happy Easter, Chris. May God bless your efforts to fix what you did. May God show your mom her own failings.

 

[graciew]

Chris, just count the days they waited for your response when you did inmature things…and forgive them.They love you.I am guessing that it was not only your joke,but the feeling that you will continue with previous behaviour and this one really scared them.
You´ve already done your part and apologized.Don´t judge them.Sooner than you expect,things will be all right again,.Happy Easter,Chris!

 

[TBenedicta]

Chris, have some flowers delivered to your Mum. I am sure she will eventually cool off. Pranks can be funny with friends, but not parents.

Dude. This. Send a sincere apology letter with flowers to your mom. Maybe ask your dad if he has time for a father-son day to golf or hit the batting cages or grab a beer or whatever. The prank was funny (to me) but definitely immature and played on some of your parents’ natural fears and insecurities. It’ll take time for them to simmer down. It may also take time for your relationship with them to adjust to a more “adult” relationship. This is totally a reach and you didn’t mention this, but since you’re the youngest child they may subconsciously trying to keep you their “baby” by overreacting to your every action/opinion, thus keeping you in need of them. Something to consider.