Dealing with drunk people who have a bully attitude

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brian_dm

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I had something happen on the weekend that I am not proud of but I think I reached a breaking point with it and my actions followed as such. I have two siblings and they don’t follow the Catholic faith to the extent that I try to. As my journey continues, I find that we are growing more distant. So I try my best to make whatever commitments they set up. This usually involves their friends and a lot of times there is heavy drinking involved and bad jokes / comments. There is this one guy who I feel bullied by at these events. He drinks heavily and then tends to pick on me - he seems bothered that I am not drinking and not dancing crazily. I have walked away from him before. This weekend was my brother’s son’s 1 year birthday party. People were drinking hard again. He was there. They were doing shots and he told me “Have a drink for once”. I did the shot and he then gave me another. I told him “No, I am driving”. I sat at my table and decided to keep another person company. This guy came to the table and grabbed me by the hand and told me something along of the lines of - “why am i just f****** sitting there” - in a very rude manner. I didnt like this and I struck him on the face and then pushed him. I then walked away. He was stunned. I am not proud of what I did but I feel I reached a breaking point. In my head, I knew the situation was gonna present itself so many more times and I didn’t want to take it anymore. I know I didn’t deal with this the right away. I would appreciate people’s advice on how to handle this in the future. Right now, I just don’t wanna do to any of these parties. I really don’t enjoy myself at them.
 
You can avoid these types of parties which could put you in the same situation again.
 
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brian_dm said:
I didnt like this and I struck him on the face and then pushed him. I then walked away. He was stunned. I am not proud of what I did but I feel I reached a breaking point.
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That’s very aggressive and unsafe behavior on his part. He deserves it 👍
brian_dm said:
I know I didn’t deal with this the right away.
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He was wrong and you were justified. Anymore and the Police should be involved.
brian_dm said:
I would appreciate people’s advice on how to handle this in the future.
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Don’t attend these parties. If asked, say that you don’t appreciate the drunken abuse. It’s not enjoyable or really safe. Anything can happen.
 
Make arrangements to see your family at other times. Also, if you go to the parties, keep away from that guy or whoever else is drinking. Explain the situation to your family, I’m sure they’ll understand if you say you want to leave early or see them at other times instead.
 
You could always tell your siblings that you don’t want to go to parties where this guy is drinking. Short of him not drinking, I doubt that he’s going to change, given that it’s his drunken behavior.
 
i would have a talk with my brother and ask him why he is okay with his friend acting like that all the time to me.
And say I am no longer willing to attend family events where he will also be invited. No reason to put up with abuse.
 
brian_dm said:
This weekend was my brother’s son’s 1 year birthday party.
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Wait…people were drinking heavily at a ONE YEAR OLD BABY’S birthday party???"

Please tell me that’s a joke. Even in a very secular context that is BEYOND the pale of inappropriateness… I am sure I am missing something here. That is borderline child abuse.
 
Seems like a liability to have that guy around. Accosting people at parties is dangerous!
 
I have a really close female friend that I went to a Halloween party with. I had some drinks, but nothing that was going to get me drunk. She, on the other hand, didn’t know when to stop, and she was not acting in a way I thought was appropriate, so I called her out on it. Now, admittedly, telling your friend this when she is drunk is not the best idea. The whole reason I was there to begin with was to protect her, as she was worried about one of the guys that was there. When these people are sober, if you can, tell them how you feel. By the way, one thing you can always do in those situations is: Leave. By the way, best parties I’ve been to: Ones hosted by senior citizens. There’s alcohol, but they know not to get drunk, and you have much better conversation. I wish I could be of more help, God bless.
 
I think it was okay. When people get that drunk they lose control. As long as they are not deeply hurt they need some sort of shock.
Abuse of alcohol is one way of being loose (depraved).
Don’t preach to them if they are drunk and stay away from these parties if you can. It catches on if you are having a bad day and you need buddies you will one day drink with them just to make friends.
Talk with your brother about the alcohol problem. This is not a question of religion only. Alcoholism is a serious illness.
 
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Thank you all for your wisdom and encouragement so far. It has definitely given me something to think about. I should value the safety of myself and my family (I have a wife and a baby) more than wanting to please my sister and brother by attending their parties. I am hopeful that some good will come out of this. Tbh, I think I am the first person who has done something like this at these parties. I really hope that it gets people to think more about what happened and why it happened.
 
Great job! Sounds well-deserved.

Do you like the parties at all? If not, why not give them a miss and let your brother know why.

If you do and want to go, you should have a word with your brother and tell him he needs to get his friend in line.
 
brian_dm said:
He drinks heavily and then tends to pick on me - he seems bothered that I am not drinking and not dancing crazily
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He’s picking on you because he likely knows he has a drinking problem and your abstinence reminds him of that, hence triggering his guilt. As the old saying goes: “Normal drinkers dont even notice if someone is drinking or not because whether someone else is drinking or not doesn’t even register.” I would just pray for him to get sober and avoid those events in future. My 2 cents.
 
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Sometimes when it comes to guys being guys you gotta stand up for yourself. Some guys will poke at you (and at an ever-worsening rate) until you do so. It’s like a test almost.

I wouldn’t have punched him. But guys like that are looking to be confronted and after the confrontation they’ll back down.
 
Tbh, I don’t like the parties. I just go cos I don’t get to see my nephews and niece a lot.
 
Make a plan to see them on a different day then. Acknowledge birthdays, just not on the same day as the party.
 
Problem with that logic is it takes blame off the culpable belligerent drunk and puts in on the innocent bystander.
“Guys being guys”, “some guys will poke at you”, etc. is all rationalizing inexcusable behavior.
 
Salmonslayer said:
That’s a bit of a stretch. When my friends all get together we always have their kids around, and we don’t let that get in the way of having some beers with each other.
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Some beers is different from “drinking heavily”, as described by the OP, to the point that there was unwanted attention among adults.
Dancing wildly, falling over, roughly making advances on others at the party… that’s a healthy environment for a one year old? . Do you know how easy it is to accidentally hurt a one year old child? Easy to do when you’re sober if you’re not careful. A one year old child needs CONSTANT by the minute attention…now presumably one or both parents of the one year old were not the ones drinking heavily…but still seems a very bizarre environment for a one year old’s birthday party.
Very very very different from having a few beers while kids are also in the house.
 
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