Dealing with drunk people who have a bully attitude

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I slapped him - not punched - not sure if that makes a difference though.
 
I like the advice that several folks have given; just don’t go to events he’s going to be at. I’ve never had anything like that happen at a family party but stopped going to them years ago. I’m just not that socially inclined. My siblings know not to invite me as I simply won’t show up.

However, I like the way you handled this. Sometimes it’s the only way and you needn’t feel badly. King David would be proud. 🙂
 
That’s not what I said. “Guys behave like this” is different than “Guys should behave like this”
 
Fast forward twelve years. That nephew will probably be drinking and smoking. I doubt the problem of your brother and his careless friends will ever go away.

I used to think I could influence my nephews and nieces to the good, but it’s not possible if their parents are messed up. And your brother is messed up to allow hard liquor at a baby’s party. I would not attend his parties. Only come quietly on another day for one hour. Parties are like free-for-alls with nutty behaviour.
 
I would try and see my nephews on different days than the birthday as Irishmom said.
And during any sort of invitation ,I would be there early and leave early. And would avoid any physical response when people are drunk. I would leave before it becomes heavy and no need for explanations
 
You defended yourself against an aggressive drunk. You did nothing wrong. It was the drunken bully who was wrong.

Your brothers allow drunkenness at their parties and they allow this bully to harass you. You are not going to get closer to them by enduring more of this.
Don’t go any more. If they ask why tell them you don’t want to take part in t he drinking and that you were being bullied.
 
Why do you attend these events. You don’t have to. You can choose not to be around those people . Don’t be a victim, just say not. Or turn up and leave before the drinking gets going. Put in an appearance, give the child a present, then leave.

And tell your brother this friend of his is ruining it for everyone.

I would also suggest this friend has a drinking problem. Perhaps you and your brother can talk to him while he is sober and point out how inappropriate it is for him to get so drunk at a childs birthday party.

Or make childrens parties alcohol free.
 
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David was the kind of leader who took no prisoners. In war there were no compromises. Just get it done. 🙂
 
chessnerd321 said:
But guys like that are looking to be confronted and after the confrontation they’ll back down.
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I don’t know. With a belligerent drunk, that could have easily been the begging of a knock down, drag out fight that had everyone else screaming and wondering this is an old western saloon. You never really know how they’ll react.
 
I agree. It certainly could have been especially after OP punched the guy. I would’ve just asked him to back down. In fact I didn’t answer his original question and would probably say that hauling off and popping the guy was a sin.

My comment was based on 1) hindsight is 20/20 so we already know that I’m right. And 2) I think it’s a semi-common dynamic when you try to insert yourself into an established group of guys. That’s probably why I thought of it in the first place. It’s happened to me. I’ve seen my friends do it. My own brothers friend group has done it. Although to a much lesser extreme.
 
brian_dm said:
I had something happen on the weekend that I am not proud of but I think I reached a breaking point with it and my actions followed as such. I have two siblings and they don’t follow the Catholic faith to the extent that I try to. As my journey continues, I find that we are growing more distant. So I try my best to make whatever commitments they set up. This usually involves their friends and a lot of times there is heavy drinking involved and bad jokes / comments. There is this one guy who I feel bullied by at these events. He drinks heavily and then tends to pick on me - he seems bothered that I am not drinking and not dancing crazily. I have walked away from him before. This weekend was my brother’s son’s 1 year birthday party. People were drinking hard again. He was there. They were doing shots and he told me “Have a drink for once”. I did the shot and he then gave me another. I told him “No, I am driving”. I sat at my table and decided to keep another person company. This guy came to the table and grabbed me by the hand and told me something along of the lines of - “why am i just f****** sitting there” - in a very rude manner. I didnt like this and I struck him on the face and then pushed him. I then walked away. He was stunned. I am not proud of what I did but I feel I reached a breaking point. In my head, I knew the situation was gonna present itself so many more times and I didn’t want to take it anymore. I know I didn’t deal with this the right away. I would appreciate people’s advice on how to handle this in the future. Right now, I just don’t wanna do to any of these parties. I really don’t enjoy myself at them.
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You might also keep in mind that something about your behavior disturbs this man, and although uncomfortable, this might be a good thing. Something about your virtue is calling him to discomfort. Many times this is the first step to knowing your life is off the rails: someone else serves as a mirror for you. And that hurts, which is probably why he lashes out.
I hope you don’t run into this again, but you might simply ask him “is something bothering you”? because the answer is obviously “yes”, and he is the last one to see it. It is my experience with this kind of person that if they weren’t being aggressive, they would be curled up in a puddle of tears. They are desperately hiding themselves.
 
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You’ve kind of answered your own question…which is probably the Holy spirit… in the last sentence… that you dont want to go to these parties - don’t. That is your answer. So all you need advice on is how to explain to your family. Seriously, listen to the Spirit within you. You have reached a stage were you dont want to live a life of sin and dont even want to be exposed to near misses and look what happens when you try to be around this life of sin and not sin, yep it’s hard not to slip. I am not saying that hitting this difficult person was a massive sin but it was a venial one, your patience slipped, probably because you were pushed beyond your limit. I call this kind of thing slippery slope behaviour/activities. If you put your self in these situations it’s like standing on a slippery slope and trying not to fall over, you can maybe manage a little while, but it is hard work and eventually you’ll fall the only real question is how bad the damage will be. So in my opinion it’s best to steer clear of the slippery slopes entirely especially if you can. Don’t go to the parties, figure out some other place you can see your siblings at. Ask God to give you some ideas on that.
 
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