Dealing with family problems of addiction and illness

[Cupofkindness]

I asked myself the same questions as Island Oak did. Lance, can you discuss this in more detail? We’re not here to judge, but to learn. It is so hard to be a good parent, in fact, some days it seems just about impossible. We need your help. Thank you, Lance.

 

[LSK]

You guys are all good parents, from what I have seen of the posts you put on this site. I know that I hid my addictions and drinking so well, for so long, that there are some of my mother’s contemporaries who still find it hard to believe that I did cocaine in their bathrooms when I went to their house for dinner…however, they did notice that I didn’t eat much.

Senator McGovern wrote a book about his daughter, Theresa, who died, drunk and frozen in a snowbank, despite years of treatment centers and meetings and counselors…he wrote one thing that has always stayed with me. He wrote that if he could do anything over again he would physically throw himself between his daughter and her booze every chance he got. I do not know if that is really a good thing or not, but who am I to tell a grieving parent “that’s wrong”?

 

[MikeinSD]

Perhaps I have a different point of view. My sibs and I grew up with relatives that got drunk, abusive said they were good Christians.

Mixed Catholic and Baptist background. Extended family and several relatives liked to drink. And some got violent when drinking. My mom protected us boys when she could but she couldn’t be everywhere. My sisters needed their mom. And she trusted our relatives.

One game the drunks would do is call us boys outside and ask us about school. And one drunk would sneak up and punch us in the back of the head. They thought it was fun, especially if my brother or I cried. Another would be asking us if we want to real men. Then a drunk and a 10 yr would square off for a fight. The drunk would fight with one arm behind his back. To give us a fair chance. Guess who lost.This was Saturday night.

Sunday morning, the drunks would be praising Jesus at the Baptist church or kneeling at the Catholic one. And at Sunday dinners at the dinner table, the drunks would tell us boys moral platitudes on being good Christians. The wives would smile and my mom would smile we all pretended we were the salt of the earth.

M brother and I took baseball bats to the drunks in our mid teens. We beat the drunks. I loved it. Nothing like kicking *** on a long time bully. No more Sat nights drinking at my mom’s place. But among the scars we had was that religion = violence.

My mom’s confessor told me that Jesus’ message has nothing to do with some self-professed followers. But I was in my forties and that lesson is a little late.

I guess the point is alcohol and drug abuse damages kids too. Esp when it’s the adults who are out of control.

 

[Lance]

Hi folks,
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back here. To answer the question about did I notice anything in the begining about my son when he started using drugs. Yes we did notice some things but nothing to set off any alarms at the time. In retrospect I see some things that should have been clues but since we had no exoerience with drug use we did not see them at that time. Things like can’t get up in the morning and can’t sleep at night, never had one set of friends for very long and poor grades.

Good news is he went to our parish Lenten Mission last night. He is not yet ready to fully come home the the Catholic Church but I see last noght as a big step forward. He said he enjoyed it and would go back with us tonight, we’ll see. Hope everyone is having a great Lent.

 

[jrabs]

Lance:

Things like can’t get up in the morning and can’t sleep at night, never had one set of friends for very long and poor grades.

This is what frightens me - my 13 yr old son is reserved, depressed and has withdrawn both in attitude and grades.

Though I am taking him a counselor, I am confused as to how much is just the teen years and how much is a red flag.

God bless you and your family Lance. I pray for you and your son daily. May you all find peace.

 

[Lance]

Jenn,
IMO you are doing the right thing by taking him to see a counselor. If you suspect something, go with your heart. I wish we had interviened earlier. My son says he started using at around age 12 which was when we started seeing some changes in him. The other thing I would do is make sure he is not suffering from depression. I think a lot of drug and alcohol abuse comes from trying to self medicate depression. Thanks for your prayers and know that you and your family are in mine.

 

[jrabs]

Lance:

The other thing I would do is make sure he is not suffering from depression. I think a lot of drug and alcohol abuse comes from trying to self medicate depression. Thanks for your prayers and know that you and your family are in mine.

Lance,
Thanks for the food for thought.

As for your son, one day at a time is a blessing.

My son is already disadvantaged because of his ADHD and the need to sedate himself just to have some calm time during his day. He is medicated for the ADHD and this does wonders for him - but his grades still are a recent distressing problem and his attitude blah!!!

Except when he is with his grandmother. He adores her to no end. He loves every minute with her and converses with her about everything. That’s why I am not sure if it is just our relationship or him just being a teen.

Being a parent is soooo hard.

Thanks for the prayers. Please keep in touch Lance.

 

[Lance]

jrabs:

Lance,

Being a parent is soooo hard.

But on the brighter side being a grandparent is soooo much fun. I think grandkids are God’s reward for not killing your own kids.

 

[Lance]

He did not go to the 2nd night of the Mission but called to say that he felt the need to go to Narcotics Anonymous meeting rather than attend the Mission. He said he would go tonight and he wants a copy of the DVD the parish is making of the 3 nights so he can see what he missed. Prayers are being answered! I pray that he will find the strength to stay clean and sober.

 

[Lance]

My son went to the 3rd and last night of our parish lenten mission. He even went up to Friar Johnpaul, who was our speaker, afterwards and told him how much he enjoyed it. He even spent about 10 minutes talking to him in semi-private. Please continue to pray for him, it is working.