Dealing with Gossip

[m_crane]

My suggestion is that your HUSBAND get a backbone and lay down the law to his hateful mother and sisters.

He needs to defend you and your home, set the boundaries, and be the “bad guy” who enforced them when his family misbehaves.

He has wrongly put all this on you. Shame on him.

He’s learning. I’m praying that he become the leader and defender of our family . He does seem to be getting better. I know he loves me very much. I’ve often had to take the leadership roll in the family especially in disciplining and moral teaching of our children( that didn’t work out very well) but now he does speak to our grown sons about living morally and even invites them to go to Mass when they are visiting.

He was raised with no dad, just the mom, sister 10 years older and his 1 year younger sister who seemed to boss him around quite a bit. I think he was ganged up on by these women. The sisters are extreme radical feminist types.

 

[m_crane]

I prayed for the deaths of mom if she did not convert. Shortly after she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I also prayed for the death or conversion of my brother and father who also died shortly after. I didn’t want them dead, just to stop hurting because the pain became to great to bear. I was on the verge of a major break down as well because the love of Christ captured my heart. I felt so bad for such a long time, blamed myself for their deaths. I just couldn’t bear it anymore and wanted to die it was so painful. Whether God did this or not is beyond me, but it does seem that God hears my prayers and delivers me from those that put me under so bad. Because of these seemingly answered prayers I’ve learned to be careful for what I pray for so as not to see my enemies fall in such ways. I pray for conversions instead. That was the only time in my life I prayed for such a thing and have repented from it. So don’t let yourself get to that for your family’s sake…not to mention you.

Some of us carry such heavy burdens. God must love us very much to share His suffering with us. God must have a very special place in His heart for you!

 

[m_crane]

If your husband and you start tactfully teaching them morality - in this case I would suggest from the Old Testament as two of the people involved are Jewish - then one of two things will happen: they will either become more acutely aware of their own behavior or they will disinvite themselves. Either way your problem gets solved all while you get to study the Old Testament.

I am woefully ignorant about what the Old testament teaches. I am still talking to God ( in prayer) about what exactly happened in the Garden of Eden. Your advice is very good and I will try my best to find good moral teachings in the Old Testament. I’ll start today.

 

[eucharisteo]

Some of us carry such heavy burdens. God must love us very much to share His suffering with us. God must have a very special place in His heart for you!

As he does for you as well. The point is that all of us suffer in one form or another. It’s the results of being wounded because of original sin.

 

[joandarc2008]

There also came a day in our marriage when I was tired of leading us to Mass. He would go with me but he was never the one saying “Let’s Go!” So after an Emmaus Retreat I sat my husband down quietly again - this time it stuck - the difference was definetly God not me- and I told him - Hon, I’m tired I can’t take care of everything. You are supposed to be the Spiritual Head of this Household - but I need to be able to trust that you aren’t going to take us to Hell in a handbasket. Now how can I help you do that? Things have changed for the better - it is shocking but may be a track you could try as it may make him realize he is not giving authority to you but instead putting more on your shoulders.

 

[eucharisteo]

There also came a day in our marriage when I was tired of leading us to Mass. He would go with me but he was never the one saying “Let’s Go!” So after an Emmaus Retreat I sat my husband down quietly again - this time it stuck - the difference was definetly God not me- and I told him - Hon, I’m tired I can’t take care of everything. You are supposed to be the Spiritual Head of this Household - but I need to be able to trust that you aren’t going to take us to Hell in a handbasket. Now how can I help you do that? Things have changed for the better - it is shocking but may be a track you could try as it may make him realize he is not giving authority to you but instead putting more on your shoulders.

I know this sounds like I’m saying a dog command but…
GOOD GIRL!

Men need to recognize their role as bishop of the their domestic church. We need women that recognize it too. [fighting telling a story about someone locally.]

 

[m_crane]

I think you and your husband need therapy to teach him how to “be a man”. There is a new book out that is written by a priest that includes this idea in the title. I don’t know the contents not having read it yet. But it sounds like he too is trying to teach me how to be real men…Ephesian 5 men. Is your husband Jewish, or did I miss that in your posts?

I’m familiar with the book. The title"Be a Man" might be a little insulting coming as a gift from his wife but we may come across it in a book store or maybe I’ll buy it for all my men. I have two grown sons.

My husband was raised with no religion. He is now Catholic. He converted 10 years into our marriage.

 

[eucharisteo]

I’m familiar with the book. The title"Be a Man" might be a little insulting coming as a gift from his wife but we may come across it in a book store or maybe I’ll buy it for all my men. I have two grown sons.

My husband was raised with no religion. He is now Catholic. He converted 10 years into our marriage.

Put it in a book cover and cover the title. I think the title is insulting. But the priest insisted on getting his way.

 

[joandarc2008]

Another great book that I just bought for my stepdaughter who is 11- granted she reads at 15- is “Blessed are the Bored in Spirit” by Marc Hart. He would probably enjoy that one too and it would soften the message of “Be a Man!” It is about how sometimes we follow obediently without understanding but through true understanding comes true joy in obedience. It is written mostly for cradle Catholics but when I did the “parental” (not the mama) read-through I also got a lot out of it even as an RCIA alumna.

 

[m_crane]

A book cover sounds like a good idea.

Thanks!

 

[m_crane]

Another great book that I just bought for my stepdaughter who is 11- granted she reads at 15- is “Blessed are the Bored in Spirit” by Marc Hart. He would probably enjoy that one too and it would soften the message of “Be a Man!”

I will look into this book as well.

Thanks for all the good advice!