Dealing with gossip

[1AspiringSaint1]

Hi all,

Let me preface this by saying that I might be a little scrupulous regarding gossip, but I want to see if anyone has some good advice for this situation.

It seems to me that nearly everyone (maybe not everyone, but many people) gossips. I hate participating in it, and realize the harm I can cause on people when I do (believe me, I’ve confessed this sin before). This makes it hard for me to tell others not to gossip, because it would be hypocritical of me to do so since I also struggle with it. So here are some of my questions.

1. I feel that most people that gossip are not committing mortal sins because they do it out of habit. I don’t think I know anyone who says “I’m deliberately going to gossip/slander today”. Is this a fair assessment?
2. Say someone close to me says “Our neighbor is a jerk and is always on drugs.” once sun, They probably don’t mean to gossip, and I usually change the subject, but if I really cared about this person, shouldn’t I say something like “Hey that’s not nice us to say”?
3. From question 2: Let’s say that the neighbor really is a jerk and really does do drugs, what should I say then?

Basically I guess my main question is this: How can we help prevent ourselves from gossiping, as well as our friends/family? I just don’t feel like it’s my place to say anything since I too struggle with it, but I definitely don’t want people comitting mortal sins. Like some people say "just change the subject"but what good does that do for the gossiper? I know that some people “vent” and that can be constructive, but my examples above don’t seem to be venting.

By the end if things, I seem to conclude that most gossiping is probably venial (yes?), but but obviously we would all be better off if we could exterminate it entirely.

 

[27lw]

Yes - - I think you are right. Gossip is extremely common, and very hard to avoid doing! I think that the few people I know who avoid gossiping, just make a habit of not replying to statements that might be gossip, or saying something non-committal. It would be tempting, to reply “I’m trying not to gossip”, which would then sound pretty rude to the person you are talking to. I think that is why St Francis de Sales, in “The Imitation of Christ” writes that it can be good to avoid idle conversation (or a similar thing - - I don’t have it in front of me).

I know gossip is something I am guilty of though - - it really is difficult to avoid doing it, if you are going to have casual conversations with people, or indeed very many friends at all.

 

[Dorothy]

When someone starts to point out the weaknesses in others and goes on and on…it is good to say “that person needs our prayers.”

I remember many years ago when I was about to say a demeaning remark to my godmother about her daughter-in-law, (my godmother must have noticed my body language), she then said something nice about her and it stopped me in my tracks. It helped me become aware how careless such remarks are, and so unnecessary, and un-Christian.

 

[Bonnie]

1. Say someone close to me says “Our neighbor is a jerk and is always on drugs.” once sun, They probably don’t mean to gossip, and I usually change the subject, but if I really cared about this person, shouldn’t I say something like “Hey that’s not nice us to say”?
2. From question 2: Let’s say that the neighbor really is a jerk and really does do drugs, what should I say then?

Try a sympathetic “that’s too bad,” then change the subject. Works for almost anything.

 

[psalm90]

In 2016, Pope Francis described gossip as a form of terrorism. If you have been the victim of gossip, you may be quick to agree with him – I am.

 

[Holy_Warrior]

Humbly recommend this compelling, entertaining and informative short video on gossip by Father Mike Schmitz:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=pZrsOmxPQpw

Blessings and peace.

---

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit:
As it was in the beginning,
is now,
and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.

 

[Gliggle]

I try and match every negative remark with a positive one. It seems to irritate people and they give up, because they aren’t getting the reaction they want. I feel your pain it’s a really common problem and I also find it very difficult to deal with.

 

[mommy_k]

Yes - - . I think that is why St Francis de Sales, in “The Imitation of Christ” writes that it can be good to avoid idle conversation (or a similar thing - - I don’t have it in front of me).

Not to derail…but I never knew Frances De Sales wrote in “The Imitation Of Christ”.

I did not read through the entire book…but will revisit it, as I enjoyed St.Francis book “the Devout Life,” and others, where St.Frances tells us how to iimitate Christ.

 

[Dorothy]

Not to derail…but I never knew Frances De Sales wrote in “The Imitation Of Christ”.

I did not read through the entire book…but will revisit it, as I enjoyed St.Francis book “the Devout Life,” and others, where St.Frances tells us how to iimitate Christ.

Thomas A. Kempis wrote “The Imitation of Christ”.

 

[mommy_k]

Thomas A. Kempis wrote “The Imitation of Christ”.

Yes, thank you.