Dealing with gossiping colleagues

[mommyof4]

I am looking for some advice on how to deal with gossip at work.

First of all, I want to start out by saying that I am truely blessed by being able to work with some of the brightest, most well educated, nicest, easy-going people that I have ever gotten to work with. I really enjoy working with my team and I thank God for them every day (well, almost every day).

My only complaint that I have about them is that they tend to be rather gossipy at times. They have a few other colleagues that they like to talk about and criticize. To be perfectly honest, I have occasionally joined in with them, because, well, I basically agree with what they are saying about these other people. BUT I also know that just because something is TRUE, we don’t need to talk about it all of the time. I’m trying to disengage myself from these conversations as soon as they begin, but I’m not always successful. I’m also trying to defend the person whom they are gossiping about by making statements such as “I’m sure she didn’ mean it that way,” or “maybe she/he is going through a rough time at home, and that is making them crabby,” or whatever I can come up with on the spot.

I’m looking for any other suggestions that you have on how I can either disengage myself from these gossipy conversations, or how I can tactfully change the subject to a more positive or neutral subject.

Thank you in advance for your suggestions.

 

[DailyBread]

I am bad at this too I admit, but sometimes I try to change the topic at those points to something different and get off of bashing individuals. Maybe when alone you can bring that up or talk to your manager. Actually gossip is one of the worst things even business mindly because it tends to lead to less collaboration amongst co-workers.

 

[DanteAlighieri]

It seems to me that your best bet is one of the following:

a) If you have a good relationship with the gossipers – not just cordial and professional, but a real friendship – you could perhaps talk to them openly and tell them you’re not comfortable with the subject.

b) If the above is not the case, you can merely excuse yourself for some business to which you must attend.

In either case, pray for them.

I hope this is helpful…

Peace,
Dante

 

[Hellisreal]

I guess you cant really cite bible verses to them to illustrate how its mentioned quite a bit in the bible and it is not something a Christian ought to be participating in so I dont know what would work best.
Maybe you could find something about those victims of the gossip you like and respond with a comment that speaks to their strong points instead. Certainly they must have something good about them to say.

 

[otjm]

You could just respond with “You know, whenever I hear talk about someone who isn’t present, I wonder what is being said of me when I am not present.”

If that doesn’t get the message across, then take it a notch higher: “perhaps while we are discussing M(r)(s)(rs), we can invite them over so they can hear what we have to say. It seems that just talking about them behind their backs isn’t going to get them to change.”

That ought to tighten it up; but be prepared for the consequences. They won’t be pleasant.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am looking for some advice on how to deal with gossip at work.

First of all, I want to start out by saying that I am truely blessed by being able to work with some of the brightest, most well educated, nicest, easy-going people that I have ever gotten to work with. I really enjoy working with my team and I thank God for them every day (well, almost every day).

My only complaint that I have about them is that they tend to be rather gossipy at times. They have a few other colleagues that they like to talk about and criticize. To be perfectly honest, I have occasionally joined in with them, because, well, I basically agree with what they are saying about these other people. BUT I also know that just because something is TRUE, we don’t need to talk about it all of the time. I’m trying to disengage myself from these conversations as soon as they begin, but I’m not always successful. I’m also trying to defend the person whom they are gossiping about by making statements such as “I’m sure she didn’ mean it that way,” or “maybe she/he is going through a rough time at home, and that is making them crabby,” or whatever I can come up with on the spot.

I’m looking for any other suggestions that you have on how I can either disengage myself from these gossipy conversations, or how I can tactfully change the subject to a more positive or neutral subject.

Thank you in advance for your suggestions.

Interesting thread…I too have friends at work, actually, who I love to pieces, but one in particular gossips quite a bit. I prayed about it…confessed my own doing…and I had a priest say to me once…‘just say nothing’ when the other party is gossiping about another. It has worked like magic! After many silent ‘replies,’…My friend now really rarely gossips…and I no longer have to feel badly about listening to the gossip about another. (it’s sinful I think to chime in?)

Try it…just say nothing. Shrug your shoulders and say nothing.** I mean…nothing. **You will be surprised how the gossip will diminish.

Good luck.

 

[KatieD]

I think I may have to try that suggestion. I too work with a group that likes to gossip. We have just one man in our department, and the other women in the department are liberal feminists who love to talk about him and his wife when he’s not there, critiquing her doing too much for him, her wanting to stay home when she has kids, etc. I generally try to get them to talk about something else, and I really don’t want people thinking I am participating. Perhaps silence and a shrug will work!

 

[whatevergirl]

I think I may have to try that suggestion. I too work with a group that likes to gossip. We have just one man in our department, and the other women in the department are liberal feminists who love to talk about him and his wife when he’s not there, critiquing her doing too much for him, her wanting to stay home when she has kids, etc. I generally try to get them to talk about something else, and I really don’t want people thinking I am participating. Perhaps silence and a shrug will work!

At first, it was difficult to do…because as women, especially, we tend to feel we need to always be saying something…commenting on something…but, the truth is…we don’t. lol Give it a whirl…and throw in a bored look now and again when they start up…ha! That actually really dissipates it…and truly, I bet in a few weeks…they’ll stop. I mean, we all struggle with some type of repeatable sinful behavior…so maybe that’s theirs…but, don’t let theirs becomes yours Good luck!