Dealing with homosexuals

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There is a new guy at work. And I strongly suspect he is homosexual by the way he dresses and his behaviour. Of course I don’t dare ask or mention it to anyone.

However, I can’t help but feel REALLY uncomfortable around him. Whenver, I have to deal with him, I pray in the back of my mind ‘Lord please make me tolerant of other’s choices’. But the truth is… a lot of the things he does bug me to no end. Some of the clothes he wears sends off a very sexual message. He does not break the office dress code so no one can call him on it but he clothes are very tight. They are obviously bought in a ‘certain type of store’. He will put up drawings at his desk of men that appear to be homosexual and his screen saver on his computer has a ‘warm fuzzy’ poem on it with a picture of a man who appears to be homosexual’

And the other thing is, sometimes I have to sit at his desk and he does smell bad.

I can tell he is a good worker and he has a good attitude. Nonetheless, we obviously have a personality clash. I don’t know if I am loosing patience with age. It seems to me, if I had met him 15 years ago, my blood wouldn’t boil as much. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed his odd behaviour.

As much as I try to be tolerant, all I can see is a child of God who chooses to deform himself and it makes my stomach churn.

Does anyone ever feel the same way around homosexuals?

CM
 
cmscms said:
There is a new guy at work. And I strongly suspect he is homosexual by the way he dresses and his behaviour. Of course I don’t dare ask or mention it to anyone.

However, I can’t help but feel REALLY uncomfortable around him. Whenver, I have to deal with him, I pray in the back of my mind ‘Lord please make me tolerant of other’s choices’. But the truth is… a lot of the things he does bug me to no end. Some of the clothes he wears sends off a very sexual message. He does not break the office dress code so no one can call him on it but he clothes are very tight. They are obviously bought in a ‘certain type of store’. He will put up drawings at his desk of men that appear to be homosexual and his screen saver on his computer has a ‘warm fuzzy’ poem on it with a picture of a man who appears to be homosexual’

And the other thing is, sometimes I have to sit at his desk and he does smell bad.

I can tell he is a good worker and he has a good attitude. Nonetheless, we obviously have a personality clash. I don’t know if I am loosing patience with age. It seems to me, if I had met him 15 years ago, my blood wouldn’t boil as much. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed his odd behaviour.

As much as I try to be tolerant, all I can see is a child of God who chooses to deform himself and it makes my stomach churn.

Does anyone ever feel the same way around homosexuals?

CM
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Amazing how the Gay Agenda has succeeded in turning good people into guilt-ridden sheep in just a few short decades. So you feel guilty around him and pray to your God for the gift of tolerance. I don’t know what to tell you.
 
If he consistently smells bad, as in poor hygiene, then you need to your supervisor or human relations department handle it. There in no excuse for poor hygiene in an office setting.

Otherwise, you seem to be objecting to his taste in clothing and screen saver. From what you have written they don’t seem inappropriate for a workplace. I’m not sure what to say about the pictures - are they drawings he did? Why do you think they appear gay?

Please realize that not all men who are “soft” are homosexual. They just may have tastes which differ from yours (and perhaps most guys.) Perhaps this understanding can help you stop thinking “homosexual” and make it easier for you to concentrate on your work. As you said, 15 years ago you might not have thought twice about him.
 
cmscms said:
T
As much as I try to be tolerant, all I can see is a child of God who chooses to deform himself and it makes my stomach churn.

Does anyone ever feel the same way around homosexuals?

CM
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since you ask how to deal, my reaction in similar situation is to do as you do, see a child of god, without the judgment and react as I would to anyone whose personal mannerisms, dress, personal hygiene etc. offend my sensibilities, which is to disregard these peripherals and try to see the person himself. In an employment situation I address those which affect the work climate, if that is my responsibility. I have also learned with age, and the most important lesson is that any judgment I make about lifestyle based on a person’s appearance is quite likely to be wrong.
 
Having a same sex attraction is not sinful or wrong at all. You don’t know if he is engaged in sinful behavior. I have a close friend who is gay but lives a chaste and holy life in service of the Lord. If you saw him you would immediately know he is gay, but there is nothing wrong with that- it was not his choice at all. Let’s also not forget that even if he is involved sexually with men or even just gives into lustful temptations with himself, his sins are no worse than a heterosexual person having sex outside of marriage etc.

Just show him Christ and love him. How many times do you think he has encountered Christians that immediately show prejudice toward him?
 
Stop being so intolerant of others. You don’t even know if this guy is gay or not, so as far as I am concerned you are just jumping to a hasty conclusion based on loose evidence. As for him smelling, that is unfortunate.
 
I know some truly lovely people who are homosexual, and some terribly selfish people who are homosexual. They are just people. In high school I knew one young man who was gay who really did not want to be, and his SSA was a source of great pain to him.

I think you really need to not focus on his sexual preferences, whatever they are. At this point that is between him and God, since you don’t even know whether or not he is gay, and if he is gay, you don’t know whether he is actively gay or not, and if he is actively gay, you still are not in a place to judge him. There is a difference between judging the behavior and judging the person. The Church has already judged the behavior for us. I have homosexual family members and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong. I also have heterosexual family members who are living together unmarried, and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong.

If you are having trouble with him, I recommend praying to God to help you see Jesus in him. This can be very hard with some people, whether they are gay or not, but God can give the grace to make it happen.
 
Student09 said:
I know some truly lovely people who are homosexual, and some terribly selfish people who are homosexual. They are just people. In high school I knew one young man who was gay who really did not want to be, and his SSA was a source of great pain to him.

I think you really need to not focus on his sexual preferences, whatever they are. At this point that is between him and God, since you don’t even know whether or not he is gay, and if he is gay, you don’t know whether he is actively gay or not, and if he is actively gay, you still are not in a place to judge him. There is a difference between judging the behavior and judging the person. The Church has already judged the behavior for us. I have homosexual family members and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong. I also have heterosexual family members who are living together unmarried, and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong.

If you are having trouble with him, I recommend praying to God to help you see Jesus in him. This can be very hard with some people, whether they are gay or not, but God can give the grace to make it happen.
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Would you say the same thing if the guy were a pedophile, or is that somehow suddenly different?
 
Apollos said:
Would you say the same thing if the guy were a pedophile, or is that somehow suddenly different?
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I’m not really sure why you’re bringing it up, but I have a convicted pedophile in my family, and I love him too.

And I hope you will not say anything hurtful on this subject because I have a lot of pain associated with it. But yes, I have forgiven my family member who has done these things and so have most of the people in my family who were abused or otherwise hurt by him. This is what Christians are called to do. To forgive, and to love. I am going to leave this thread now. Thanks.
 
Apollos said:
Would you say the same thing if the guy were a pedophile, or is that somehow suddenly different?
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Wow, I learned something from you - that all gays are now peophiles. So I guess I should worry about the straight teacher over at the next high school who was having a fling with one of her 15 year old students too, or wait, she wasn’t gay so it’s all hunky dory. :confused:
 
Student09 said:
I know some truly lovely people who are homosexual, and some terribly selfish people who are homosexual. They are just people. In high school I knew one young man who was gay who really did not want to be, and his SSA was a source of great pain to him.

I think you really need to not focus on his sexual preferences, whatever they are. At this point that is between him and God, since you don’t even know whether or not he is gay, and if he is gay, you don’t know whether he is actively gay or not, and if he is actively gay, you still are not in a place to judge him. There is a difference between judging the behavior and judging the person. The Church has already judged the behavior for us. I have homosexual family members and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong. I also have heterosexual family members who are living together unmarried, and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong.

If you are having trouble with him, I recommend praying to God to help you see Jesus in him. This can be very hard with some people, whether they are gay or not, but God can give the grace to make it happen.
Click to expand...
 
Student09 said:
I know some truly lovely people who are homosexual, and some terribly selfish people who are homosexual. They are just people. In high school I knew one young man who was gay who really did not want to be, and his SSA was a source of great pain to him.

I think you really need to not focus on his sexual preferences, whatever they are. At this point that is between him and God, since you don’t even know whether or not he is gay, and if he is gay, you don’t know whether he is actively gay or not, and if he is actively gay, you still are not in a place to judge him. There is a difference between judging the behavior and judging the person. The Church has already judged the behavior for us. I have homosexual family members and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong. I also have heterosexual family members who are living together unmarried, and I love them even though I know their behavior is wrong.

If you are having trouble with him, I recommend praying to God to help you see Jesus in him. This can be very hard with some people, whether they are gay or not, but God can give the grace to make it happen.
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Great and loving post!
 
Do you feel the same intolerance and judgement for heterosexual people who have sex outside of marriage?
 
Well, my take on CM’s post wasn’t that he was offering a homophobic diatribe, but that he was simply confessing a fault that he perceives within himself, and wondered if anybody else here struggles with a similar fault.

There are things about other people that drive us mad, sometimes, even when they’re really none of our business. There is a woman in my parish who comes to Mass every Sunday dressed almost like a clown: sparkly horn-rimmed glasses, red and white “Pipi Longstocking” type stockings, polka-dot pants, a bright yellow plastic children’s hat…long story short, she looks like a freak…and it irritates me. Why does she do it? Who the heck knows.

But everytime she walks into church, I find myself rolling my eyes and asking myself, “what the hell is the matter with that woman?” But really, it’s none of my business what she wears to church, or why she wears it.

So, yes, CM, I react that way from time-to-time based upon superficial things that irritate me, too. We probably all do. We’re all human, after all.

If your co-worker is gay, he’s gay. It happens. He wasn’t hired to be straight, or to be a pious Christian; he was hired to do his job. And as you’ve said, he does his job well. So…yeah, he might bug the heck out of you because you’re not accustomed to being around an openly gay (or perhaps metrosexual) man, but don’t worry yourself over it. As long as you don’t attack him for it, you aren’t doing anything wrong by being turned-off by his appearance and habits. You don’t have to approve of it. And you don’t have to feel guilty for not approving of it, either.

At the end of the day, however, the things that irritate us about other people are simply none of our business, most of the time. The best thing you can do is just shrug your shoulders and say, “whatever…none of my business”.

Those are my two cents, anyhow.

Peace,

James
 
I think some people may be missing or overlooking a point in the initial post. We can’t necessarily guide how we feel about something. We can’t make ourselves “feel” one way or another. We can only affect how we may or not react to those feelings. If the person is uncomfortable around a gay person he probably isn’t choosing to be uncomfortable. It’s like fear, or happiness, or sadness. It is what it is. There are many reasons why we may feel something. I myself am also uncomfortable around homesexual men to the point I find myself getting angry. I don’t know why I feel that way. I don’t choose to be angry. I tell myself to hate the sin and not the sinner and that gay person may be celibate. Like the other person said I also need to tell myself that they may not be gay at all. So the question is, why does it upset me to see a gay person? I think maybe because I am offended that a man like myself would engage in something so unnatural. It seems more men are upset with gay men than women are. I’m not “as” angered by gay women and I have to again ask myself why that is.

Anyway, I do pray for more tolerance towards gays. I find this my biggest predujice. May God help us all be where he wants us to be.
 
Pregustator said:
Well, my take on CM’s post wasn’t that he was offering a homophobic diatribe, but that he was simply confessing a fault that he perceives within himself, and wondered if anybody else here struggles with a similar fault.

There are things about other people that drive us mad, sometimes, even when they’re really none of our business. There is a woman in my parish who comes to Mass every Sunday dressed almost like a clown: sparkly horn-rimmed glasses, red and white “Pipi Longstocking” type stockings, polka-dot pants, a bright yellow plastic children’s hat…long story short, she looks like a freak…and it irritates me. Why does she do it? Who the heck knows.

But everytime she walks into church, I find myself rolling my eyes and asking myself, “what the hell is the matter with that woman?” But really, it’s none of my business what she wears to church, or why she wears it.

So, yes, CM, I react that way from time-to-time based upon superficial things that irritate me, too. We probably all do. We’re all human, after all.

If your co-worker is gay, he’s gay. It happens. He wasn’t hired to be straight, or to be a pious Christian; he was hired to do his job. And as you’ve said, he does his job well. So…yeah, he might bug the heck out of you because you’re not accustomed to being around an openly gay (or perhaps metrosexual) man, but don’t worry yourself over it. As long as you don’t attack him for it, you aren’t doing anything wrong by being turned-off by his appearance and habits. You don’t have to approve of it. And you don’t have to feel guilty for not approving of it, either.

At the end of the day, however, the things that irritate us about other people are simply none of our business, most of the time. The best thing you can do is just shrug your shoulders and say, “whatever…none of my business”.

Those are my two cents, anyhow.

Peace,

James
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great post
 
kozlosap said:
Wow, I learned something from you - that all gays are now peophiles. So I guess I should worry about the straight teacher over at the next high school who was having a fling with one of her 15 year old students too, or wait, she wasn’t gay so it’s all hunky dory. :confused:
Click to expand...
 
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