Dealing with hurtful remarks

[Monica4316]

Hi

if someone says something to you and you feel hurt afterwards, is that necessarily a form of pride? what do you all think?

God bless

 

[EmeraldWings]

it is actually, but it’s not something to be upset about, to get hurt feelings over something someone says to you is not necessarily sinful, although the hurt feelings are rooted from pride, but it’s not something you can just control, it happens out of our human weakness, and can only be overcome by practice of the virtues, and more importantly, by Gods grace.
so it is something we should try and fight, but it’s not something to stress over.

the reason it’s a form of pride is because it’s like saying “*I *don’t deserve this” or “how could you say that to me?” when in reality we are deserving of worse, and yet Jesus, who did not deserve his sufferings in the least, bore his insults and accusations patiently and humbly, and yet still loved them “with an everlasting love”.

does that make sense?

 

[centurionguard]

it is actually, but it’s not something to be upset about, to get hurt feelings over something someone says to you is not necessarily sinful, although the hurt feelings are rooted from pride, but it’s not something you can just control, it happens out of our human weakness, and can only be overcome by practice of the virtues, and more importantly, by Gods grace.
so it is something we should try and fight, but it’s not something to stress over.

the reason it’s a form of pride is because it’s like saying “*I *don’t deserve this” or “how could you say that to me?” when in reality we are deserving of worse, and yet Jesus, who did not deserve his sufferings in the least, bore his insults and accusations patiently and humbly, and yet still loved them “with an everlasting love”.

does that make sense?

You’ll have to pardon me “in part” of my lack understanding here. In someways I feel the same way how Monica queried about hurtful remarks. People can say very hurtful things that are not true about other people and our own person-hood whether it happened in our childhood or through are adult lives. Maybe I’m wrong saying this but as far as hurt feeling being rooted in pride seems to me as being dependent on circumstantial situations in certain cases.

However; I will say that in my spiritual growth I have made the greatest of effort to ignore hurts directed towards me. To put into practice and echo Jesus words (“Father Forgive Them They Know Not What They Do”).

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Hi

if someone says something to you and you feel hurt afterwards, is that necessarily a form of pride? what do you all think?

God bless

There’s a difference between pride and honor. Pride is when you’re using something as a means to lord it over others. If someone calls on you for being arrogant and you feel hurt, that’s when you know you need to deflate your ego.

On the other hand, when someone mocks you in a way that demeans your dignity as a person (e.g. racist comments or anti-religious vitriol), you shouldn’t be condemned. That’s like being condemned for crying out after you’ve been stabbed.

 

[MtnDwellar]

We are not made out of stone. If someone hurts us, we feel it. I am not really sure why you mention pride. False pride is a sin. Pride is also a sin if we take credit for accomplishments which should be ascribed to God.

We will suffer fools gladly. Humility is a virtue. All of the saints were humble people. Only the humble will attain heaven. Along with humility will come humiliation. It is an opportunity for growth. It is also an opportunity for prayer. It is a time to pray for the person who harmed us. They are bringing us closer to God.

 

[EmeraldWings]

You’ll have to pardon me “in part” of my lack understanding here. In someways I feel the same way how Monica queried about hurtful remarks. People can say very hurtful things that are not true about other people and our own person-hood whether it happened in our childhood or through are adult lives. Maybe I’m wrong saying this but as far as hurt feeling being rooted in pride seems to me as being dependent on circumstantial situations in certain cases.

However; I will say that in my spiritual growth I have made the greatest of effort to ignore hurts directed towards me. To put into practice and echo Jesus words (“Father Forgive Them They Know Not What They Do”).

sorry i’m confused, what are you not understanding?
i don’t disagree with what you’re saying, or at least i’m not sure i see how it contradicts what i’m saying,
although maybe i’m misunderstanding you also. can you explain what you mean a little more?

 

[centurionguard]

sorry i’m confused, what are you not understanding?
i don’t disagree with what you’re saying, or at least i’m not sure i see how it contradicts what i’m saying,
although maybe i’m misunderstanding you also. can you explain what you mean a little more?

Sorry for the misunderstanding. What I was trying to drive at was that “every hurtful feeling” or injustice that we feel is forced upon us is not always rooted in pride

If your best friend walks up to you for no reason and calls you every indignant name in the book, naturally your going to feel hurt. That kind of hurt you feel is not rooted in pride.
Sadness yes; but not pride.

Yes there is a difference between humbly accepting such hurts in the way Jesus Himself accepted the worst insults that humanity could throw at Him even being crucified on a Cross. It would be a far better world today if WE could all follow Christ’s example through Forgiveness of those who hurt us.

 

[srlucado]

Some people are simply mean-spirited and cruel.

It hardly seems like sinful pride to be hurt by someone else’s cruelty.

 

[HeWillProvide]

Was Jesus was “hurt” by the spiteful remarks yelled at him during his Passion, and hurt by the action (or inaction) of his friends? If so, does this mean he was prideful?

 

[EmeraldWings]

Sorry for the misunderstanding. What I was trying to drive at was that “every hurtful feeling” or injustice that we feel is forced upon us is not always rooted in pride

If your best friend walks up to you for no reason and calls you every indignant name in the book, naturally your going to feel hurt. That kind of hurt you feel is not rooted in pride.
Sadness yes; but not pride.

Yes there is a difference between humbly accepting such hurts in the way Jesus Himself accepted the worst insults that humanity could throw at Him even being crucified on a Cross. It would be a far better world today if WE could all follow Christ’s example through Forgiveness of those who hurt us.

well the thing of it is, when someone insults us, it is either because they themselves are in the wrong, or because we are in the wrong, one or the other, and in either case, if we get hurt feelings purely based on the insult, then it is pride, because either we don’t think we deserve it, or we don’t consider their ignorance,
but that’s not to say that our hurt feelings would only derive from the insult, when Jesus was insulted, His sadness was not in what they were saying to Him or how they were trying to hurt Him, His sadness was in that they were sinning,
although He was human, He was also divine, and understood things in a much more perfect way, and then also was hurt for different reason, purely selfless reasons,
so it’s not that i’m saying all hurt feelings are pride, but simply that hurt feelings based purely on an insult is pride,
now, i still do not disagree with you if you are saying that it is not pride to be hurt when a friend insults us, because that hurt is not necessarily from pride, but instead could be from love,

does that make sense? sorry i am kind of rushing cause i g2g to work.

 

[centurionguard]

well the thing of it is, when someone insults us, it is either because they themselves are in the wrong, or because we are in the wrong, one or the other, and in either case, if we get hurt feelings purely based on the insult, then it is pride, because either we don’t think we deserve it, or we don’t consider their ignorance,
but that’s not to say that our hurt feelings would only derive from the insult, when Jesus was insulted, His sadness was not in what they were saying to Him or how they were trying to hurt Him, His sadness was in that they were sinning,
although He was human, He was also divine, and understood things in a much more perfect way, and then also was hurt for different reason, purely selfless reasons,
so it’s not that i’m saying all hurt feelings are pride, but simply that hurt feelings based purely on an insult is pride,
now, i still do not disagree with you if you are saying that it is not pride to be hurt when a friend insults us, because that hurt is not necessarily from pride, but instead could be from love,

does that make sense? sorry i am kind of rushing cause i g2g to work.

I see your point here: (“when someone insults us, it is either because they themselves are in the wrong, or because we are in the wrong, one or the other, and in either case, if we get hurt feelings purely based on the insult, then it is pride, because either we don’t think we deserve it, or we don’t consider their ignorance”),

so it’s not that i’m saying all hurt feelings are pride, but simply that hurt feelings based purely on an insult is pride,

Perhaps it is our reactionary response to usually lash out in our minds or verbally when we are hurt by others that causes the sin of pride; when it would have been better to for us as you say to take on the mind of Jesus considering the weakness and ignorance of the offender in a compassionate, forgiving, prayerful manner.

Peace
Chris

 

[Joannm]

As one who has suffered because of verbal abuse, I can honestly say that being hurt by such remarks is NOT pride but true pain and suffering. The old adage, “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is simply not true. Name calling, hurtful remarks and verbal abuse can do much psychological damage to a person and even more if that person is a child. Even as an adult, no one deserves to be spoken to with insults and derogatory comments and when it happens it does hurt. As Christians perhaps we are called not to strike back and to bear the insults, but to say that if it hurts it is pride is just plain nonsense.

 

[centurionguard]

As one who has suffered because of verbal abuse, I can honestly say that being hurt by such remarks is NOT pride but true pain and suffering. The old adage, “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is simply not true. Name calling, hurtful remarks and verbal abuse can do much psychological damage to a person and even more if that person is a child. Even as an adult, no one deserves to be spoken to with insults and derogatory comments and when it happens it does hurt. As Christians perhaps we are called not to strike back and to bear the insults, but to say that if it hurts it is pride is just plain nonsense.

I certainly can’t fault anything you have said here. Be it that I myself am no model student by not being psychologically affected by hurtful insults. And yes I’ve had my fair share of them in my life journey. I can only ascertain that it takes many years of mature spiritual discipline to be able to turn ones cheek and offer the other. Surely this is what we all have to learn to join these sufferings with Christ on the Cross.

 

[Monica4316]

thanks for the replies everyone!

several times in my life I’ve felt hurt by things someone said because they are close to me… and I wouldn’t say it came from pride then.

but recently someone I know said something to me that I consider to be kind of derogatory/degrading, though I don’t think they MEANT to hurt me at all… they did this several times. And ever since then I’ve been wondering if the reason I felt hurt is because of my pride. I am choosing to forgive this person though, and not hold any anger towards them.

God bless

 

[Joannm]

thanks for the replies everyone!

several times in my life I’ve felt hurt by things someone said because they are close to me… and I wouldn’t say it came from pride then.

but recently someone I know said something to me that I consider to be kind of derogatory/degrading, though I don’t think they MEANT to hurt me at all… they did this several times. And ever since then I’ve been wondering if the reason I felt hurt is because of my pride. I am choosing to forgive this person though, and not hold any anger towards them.

God bless

Soemtimes people say things that, as you say, may seem to be derogatory but are really not meant that way. I am thinking that my boss sometimes has a way of saying things that can sound as if he is being degrading but he is really pointing out something I am doing that he doesn’t care for. In this situation, if I am hurt by it then it might be pride, thinking that I am right and he has no cause to tell me otherwise. In this case, yes, I would have to swallow my pride and do what my boss tells me, even if I may feel hurt about the way he spoke to me. Just to point out, I have learned over the years that while my boss may say things roughly he does not mean to be degrading, it’s just the way he talks. This, however, is much different than a person hurling insults at me, which does hurt and does not come from pride.

 

[Monica4316]

I don’t think this person meant to hurt me, but I told them repeatedly that it’s hurtful and they kept on doing it. (we are friends though).

the comment has to do with appearance… the reason it hurt me is because it’s such a contrast to the perfect love we have in God, and how He doesnt’ care about such things, and sees each person’s heart. But making fun of someone’s appearance, it’s like seeing only the external and focusing on that.

I’m not sure what to think, but I’m having a really difficult time getting past this, and I think it might be a good idea to talk to the person about it. I don’t know why it affected me so much… maybe it just brings back memories from school lol.

God bless

 

[srlucado]

I don’t think this person meant to hurt me, but I told them repeatedly that it’s hurtful and they kept on doing it. (we are friends though).

the comment has to do with appearance… the reason it hurt me is because it’s such a contrast to the perfect love we have in God, and how He doesnt’ care about such things, and sees each person’s heart. But making fun of someone’s appearance, it’s like seeing only the external and focusing on that.

I’m not sure what to think, but I’m having a really difficult time getting past this, and I think it might be a good idea to talk to the person about it. I don’t know why it affected me so much… maybe it just brings back memories from school lol.

God bless

You know, I’ve never understood why “friends” will persist in behavior that they know is hurtful to others.

If I joked about a friend’s [whatever] and he/she told me it was a sensitive subject, I’d feel terrible–and would never mention it again.

Monica, in your case, I truly feel that the fault isn’t yours.

 

[centurionguard]

I don’t think this person meant to hurt me, but I told them repeatedly that it’s hurtful and they kept on doing it. (we are friends though).

the comment has to do with appearance… the reason it hurt me is because it’s such a contrast to the perfect love we have in God, and how He doesnt’ care about such things, and sees each person’s heart. But making fun of someone’s appearance, it’s like seeing only the external and focusing on that.

I’m not sure what to think, but I’m having a really difficult time getting past this, and I think it might be a good idea to talk to the person about it. I don’t know why it affected me so much… maybe it just brings back memories from school lol.

God bless

maybe it just brings back memories from school lol.

Guess that’s why I too hated school! lol. As for exterior appearances? Maybe it was my own pride to think that I was the worst looking ugly duckling out there. Now I careless about personal looks and vanity which was never my thing anyway. But yeah dealing with the immaturity of school kids does hurt, though understandable. Yet; I think it worse dealing with immature adults who should know better but behave worse than kids.
In light of all this would I want to live my life over again? Not a chance.
Thank God for the gift of Humility.