Dealing with Impotence

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Rascalking said:
Phemie-I often find that people who accept the “Inevitable” sometimes just give up. As Dylan Thomas said, “Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, Rage, against the dying of the light.”
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Or, we can embrace the cross we are given. It is much easier to carry a cross when you do not fight against it.
 
dulcissima said:
You are totally right about it being a terrible way to go.

It sounds like a case of wanting to avoid intimacy and be in a position of control.

So, since he thinks he has successfully avoided all consequences for his destructive behavior, what does he do for enjoyment and fulfillment outside of the job? What do you do for enjoyment and fulfillment?
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I tried to remain silent on this, because I know what grief I’ll get.

How many threads have there been when a man complains his wife isn’t interested anymore and he is told:

a) it’s your job to get her in the mood
b) she’s probably tired
c) you’re being selfish
d) marriage is more than sex

and many other unhelpful things that mostly says it’s his fault or he is just selfish.

In this thread we have a wife complaining that they can’t have sex anymore but only after discovering it was wrong for him to pleasure her in other ways (I believe she mentioned oral and mastrabution). I’m surmising these applied to her because if he could achieve climax in these manners, they would not be having a problem with the valid method.

So, it appears to me that she only got upset when she could not get satisfied anymore; this was never about him, or them. She’s just angry that she can no longer achieve satisfaction.

Instead of castigating her for selfish behavior, we see the husband being the sole blame here and no being accused of being controlling.

He was - evidently- willing to pleasure her without achieving any satisfaction for himself for how ever long this was going on. That doesn’t sound controlling. Well, at least not on his part.

Where is her responsibility in this? Men who loose all interest in sex usually have other reasons. If he’s not having an affair or using porn, then there is something about their relationship that’s keeping him from wanting to even try.

Sorry if I don’t have pit on a woman who was willing to use her husband for her own pleasure, but doesn’t really sound concerned about his sexual health. I don’t see compassion or a helpful spirit in her words, just anger and frustration.

Maybe he tired of being a sex toy. He certainly wasn’t an equal partner.
 
GhostMan said:
In this thread we have a wife complaining that they can’t have sex anymore but only after discovering it was wrong for him to pleasure her in other ways (I believe she mentioned oral and mastrabution). I’m surmising these applied to her because if he could achieve climax in these manners, they would not be having a problem with the valid method.
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You don’t know much, do you? Men can most certainly achieve orgasm by masturbation and oral sex even if they are unable to have intercourse. Just because an erection cannot be achieved or maintained doesn’t mean that the penis is completely insensate. There was nobody here using anyone as a sex toy.
 
Hey Ghostman, every time a man is on here posting about lack of relations with his wife, I totally support the idea that it is not okay for one spouse to just cut the other off. If they have health or emotional issues that are causing a problem, then they need to deal with it. It is absolutely the same when a man is willing to ignore his health problems and is unbothered by the cost to his wife. Whether it is the husband or the wife that is suffering in this way, the marriage is very most definitely weakened. I feel terrible for both the OP and Phemie as well.
 
kage_ar said:
Or, we can embrace the cross we are given. It is much easier to carry a cross when you do not fight against it.
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So if I suffer from depression, should I embrace the cross and be miserable, or should I fight it?
 
What about an appointment with a good urologist with some expertise with surgical interventions?
 
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