Dealing with Lonliness

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anna1983

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Im 26 years old and single…Im okay about being single I guess, I mean Id love to have Mr Right and to be married, Im ready for that but I just gotta wait for him, but I struggle with lonliness so much, So many of my friends are married or are in relationships and so are at a different place to me, I spend so many nights indoors and alone, Im finishing off my studies right now too so it doesnt give me alot of money to do extra things, and sometimes Im just so lonely, I know that we all struggle with lonliness from time to time,even married people, Does anyone have any suggestions on good ways to deal with it, or things that can be distracting from it or any thoughts on it too, Ive just recently come back to the Catholic church and Im still seeking out a good church to attend, In someways Im craving good fellowship with other Catholics too
 
I don’t know what to tell you. To tell you to focus on solitary activities would be wrong, although that is the only advice I have for myself, as well, and I’m in a situation quite similar to yours - also 1983, also getting round to finishing (or rather starting, for that matter), a paper, and with a personality that’s a very strange blend of extraversion and introversion that takes time to sort out. So… yeah, do focus on your studies and if you can get the energy and above all the discipline to get your degree, ace it, get flying colours, whatever, do it. Same if you get the opportunity to be published in professional or academic papers. On the other hand, never forget to stop and smell the roses and don’t forget that a person with a slightly contemplative angle, and I suppose you might be one, will never be happy merely focusing on professional activities. That wouldn’t even be professional *growth *but rather some form of escapism. Not good. Sometimes I feel like when I focus on work and related things, I run from God. Don’t know if you have a similar feeling, but it wouldn’t be good to ignore it.

As for friends, well, if you want friends, you need to make them. You aren’t really going to befriend a large number of random, isolated people. More like, a group would be the solution. Joining groups is hard, but sometimes you have to. Above all, don’t be alone and don’t grow alone. You need friends to grow as a person and to keep your sanity. So it would be good to make some - or maybe get in touch with those you already have.
 
Go volunteer at your local hospital. Or go to a nursing home and read to the truly lonely.

Join a Bible study at your parish. Find a young adults group at church.

There are other lonely people out there that would like to be your friend too. Introduce yourself.

🙂
 
Instead of staying alone at home, you should try to get involved and find new activities. Like Liberanosamalo said, volunteering would be a good idea because you would meet a lot of new people, help people in need and keep busy, all at the same time. You could also join a Bible study group or any other club or group to meet people who have interests similar to yours. You could take dance or yoga or any other type of class. That would be a great place to make new friends. 👍
 
I sympathize; I am living in a cold, indifferent culture where people associate only with people their families have known for the past 3 generations, and the advice to “make friends if you want friends” is a hollow laugh. (Even in my exercise class people would not answer me when I asked where to get a mat or whether we needed to take off our shoes.)

My solution is travel, especially with groups of like-minded people. Book yourself on a short cruise, for example (you can take them for 3 or 4 days even) and you will be surprised how many people you will meet. Or take a week’s holiday in a resort, even if it is nearby and a short bus trip to get there. These types of travel give you something to talk about with new people and can make you feel more at ease in addressing strangers when you get home. Google the make of your car and “car clubs” and find out if there’s an owner’s club in your area. My sister bought a particular type of Mazda and exulted that “it comes with built-in friends!” as she found a car club in her area. Your library may have a book club; ours has a book club and a movie and discussion night, and they are free.

Mostly you need to find something you are interested in and make yourself go out and do it. There’s no law saying you have to keep going if you do not like it. But it can be fun just sampling different things.
 
Spend all your spare time at church when possible.

You can make friends and even find a relationship by spending time with your brothers and sisters in Christ.
 
I wish I knew more about Catholic Churches and their activities.

At my Pentecostal Church we have:

Sunday morning - 2 services

Small groups covering different topics or just prayer and study groups every night of the week including Sunday night.

On tuesday morning we have a worship and healing service which has a fellowship time before and after the service.

Thursday morning Prayer group with fellowship

Thursday Night Young adult night 18 yrs to 35 yrs (real diverse and fun group)

Saturday morning men’s prayer and fellowship

I really do not know how the Catholic church handles fellowship, but if it is like it is above at my small Pentecostal church, you could literally be involved with your church and the people who go there many hours per day every day.

Just ask the Father, in the name of Jesus, that he would bring people into your life so you would not be lonely. Adam was lonely and God took care of it 🙂
 
I think I know how you feel. I’m 19 and starting to find out what loneliness means, which was odd at first because I usually prefer to do things alone. 🤷

Maybe I’ll learn something here as well.
 
Go to your local parish and make yourself available for service. At my parish one can literally spend 24/7 in fellowship of some type, whether it be Mass, teaching catechism or other forms of liturgical prayer or service. Someone as young as you would be a God-send to a parish. If your local parish has the type of youth ministry mine has, you will be so NOT LONELY you’ll be asking yourself, “What was I THINKING?”.

Good luck, honey…and my prayers are with you.
 
anna1983 said:
Im 26 years old and single…Im okay about being single I guess, I mean Id love to have Mr Right and to be married, Im ready for that but I just gotta wait for him, but I struggle with lonliness so much, So many of my friends are married or are in relationships and so are at a different place to me, I spend so many nights indoors and alone, Im finishing off my studies right now too so it doesnt give me alot of money to do extra things, and sometimes Im just so lonely, I know that we all struggle with lonliness from time to time,even married people, Does anyone have any suggestions on good ways to deal with it, or things that can be distracting from it or any thoughts on it too, Ive just recently come back to the Catholic church and Im still seeking out a good church to attend, In someways Im craving good fellowship with other Catholics too
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Dear Anna…
I am in the same boat and the same age as you.
I would say:
  • preoccupy yourself with your friends and hobbies.
  • put your self out there when it comes to meeting guys at work, school, dating sites etc. it feels good to know you are “out there”.
  • don’t give into idle thinking and listening to sentimental music
  • be physically active… this gives both physical and mental energy and happiness. Its scientific fact… oh yes, its also a fact that laughing and smiling makes you a happier person.
  • prayer… it gives much peace and acceptance to spend time with Jesus and really learn to mean the words “Your Will be done”.
I am also working on all of the above.

Gracie
 
i see alot of lonesome faces here, we all go through it at times. i wont give advice because waht worked for me may not work or even worsen it. i wiil say this dont drink! for a little bit when i got lonely id drink and then id feel worse the more i drank. i can offer you a friendly ear to talk to if you want pm me and ill give you my AIM. i hope this doesnt last for you all.
 
Your vocation in life consists of 3 things: your life state, your occupation, and your ministry.

You state that you are presently single, and that you are a student. So that takes care of your life state and occupation. But what ministry do you perform? How are you carrying our Christ’s work here on earth? Each of us is called to this, as part of the baptismal call.

If you find a ministry, you can find a way to work with other people. The St. Vincent De Paul society might be a good place to start. You will certainly get to meet a lot of different people. In the current economic conditions, SVdeP is in need of more people and resources. But there should be plenty of other ministerial opportunities, within your parish or diocese.

If you devote yourself to this type of ministerial work, you will meet other people, and your loneliness will subside.
 
firstmode said:
Spend all your spare time at church when possible.

You can make friends and even find a relationship by spending time with your brothers and sisters in Christ.
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Not necessarily. I have attended six different parishes since I have lived here (11 years) and the congregants ranged from actively hostile (they hate Americans, from the pulpit right on down) to attend-Mass-go-home-now. I have just started a new parish and have hopes for it when the weather gets better.

And please don’t tell me I am lying. People who have wonderful parishes filled with people they have known all their lives are fortunate; I have had that experience too. But if you are an expat without family, you cannot get it here.
 
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