R
RazzsMom
Guest
My DIL and son are having their first baby (a BOY! - and my 1st grandchild) in about 5 weeks. Last weekend her mom, sister and I threw her a baby shower. About 35 people came, representing all sides of the family…except mine.
I have two sisters and our mother and we all live in the same area, within 15 miles of each other. Mom is a widow for many years and my sisters are both married. One sis has two adult girls and the other sis has never had children.
None of them came to the shower and I was so sad and embarrassed by it. My DIL family and my husband’s family were very polite and no one asked where the sisters or Mom was, until the shower was over. Then DIL’s mom asked about them. I nearly began to cry.
I feel so sad and angry at the three of them! We (supposedly) have a “close” relationship. I see Mom every Monday and I see one of my sisters pretty frequently. When I expressed how I felt, the childless sister and Mom brought up their same old excuse: “I don’t ‘do’ showers.”
Sis says she quit going to wedding showers, baby showers, Tupperware parties and Avon parties, etc., a long time ago b/c she didn’t enjoy them and if she went to NOBODY’S parties, then it would be equal treatment. That is Mom’s excuse, too.
I told them I thought I could expect them to come, because I am her Big Sister/Daughter and this is my first Grandchild (and the first great-grandchild for Mom) - and we all love my son so much and it is HIS first child…
Yet Sis said that she was sure everyone thought thay they should be the “exception to the rule” but that she felt that b/c she “hates” these things, she really needs to do “what is right for ME and not what is right for others or what others expect of me all the time”. I replied I thought it was rude and thoughtless for Son’s sake and mine and that sometimes one should do things that are simply the right thing to do for others, even if you find it unpleasant.
I know parties like this aren’t everyone’s “cup of tea”, but seriously - you don’t HAVE to play the dumb games ---- just come for a half-hour and tell the Mommy-to-be that you have to leave early, etc…And it isn’t about the gifts. My Mom sent her gift with me.
My other sister didn’t come and I have not yet heard from her at all! Nor from her two adult daughters who are the same age bracket as my son and his wife. One of the girls is engaged and getting married in the fall. Ummmmmm…betcha she will be having a shower, and a wedding reception…
I have to also let you know, we have not gotten together as a family for Christmas for two years now. Mom refused to compromise on having everyone come to her home at the day and time she wanted. She threw a “poor me” fit about it and said the men didn’t really like each other anyway (which is NOT true) and that it was just too hard to have a day when everyone could find spare time. I tried and tried to get everyone to agree to something family two years ago to the point that I was making Mom angry, so I gave up. (Mom even tried to get the three of us girls and her to get together at a restaurant and exclude the husbands and kids! THAT plan I flatly turned down!)
My husband has one brother who is married and they have four children who are aged 15 to 24. Yet we all seem to be able to find time to be together at Christmas for his family.
My Mom brags to people about how “close” we all are ---- and it is a lie!
What should I do about the baby shower? I just feel like I have put up with this anti-social behavior for YEARS and the shower was the final straw. I think my childless sister just avoids parties because she has been allowed to get away with her selfishness. My other sister ---- well I am afraid it will not be pleasant there either when I finally talk to her. (Although I have not spoken to her since her birthday on Jan. 1st when I called her to wish her a Happy Birthday — and she talked for about 5 minutes in a very distracted way before saying she had to get ready for work, and hung up!)
I love parties and family-time. I always made a “Big Deal” out of the kids’ birthdays, FIrst Communions, school plays, band recitals, etc…I wasa SAHM for 14 years and loved it. We had family traditions we held onto and my Son could tell you all about it. How did * I * become this traditional mom, and come from such a cold family?? (On a side note: They are not practicing Catholics. I am a convert . Mom and my sis with the 2 girls converted, too. But the sister and my mom quit going to Church soon after their “conversion”.)
How do I deal with my sadness and anger?
I have two sisters and our mother and we all live in the same area, within 15 miles of each other. Mom is a widow for many years and my sisters are both married. One sis has two adult girls and the other sis has never had children.
None of them came to the shower and I was so sad and embarrassed by it. My DIL family and my husband’s family were very polite and no one asked where the sisters or Mom was, until the shower was over. Then DIL’s mom asked about them. I nearly began to cry.
I feel so sad and angry at the three of them! We (supposedly) have a “close” relationship. I see Mom every Monday and I see one of my sisters pretty frequently. When I expressed how I felt, the childless sister and Mom brought up their same old excuse: “I don’t ‘do’ showers.”
Sis says she quit going to wedding showers, baby showers, Tupperware parties and Avon parties, etc., a long time ago b/c she didn’t enjoy them and if she went to NOBODY’S parties, then it would be equal treatment. That is Mom’s excuse, too.
I told them I thought I could expect them to come, because I am her Big Sister/Daughter and this is my first Grandchild (and the first great-grandchild for Mom) - and we all love my son so much and it is HIS first child…
Yet Sis said that she was sure everyone thought thay they should be the “exception to the rule” but that she felt that b/c she “hates” these things, she really needs to do “what is right for ME and not what is right for others or what others expect of me all the time”. I replied I thought it was rude and thoughtless for Son’s sake and mine and that sometimes one should do things that are simply the right thing to do for others, even if you find it unpleasant.
I know parties like this aren’t everyone’s “cup of tea”, but seriously - you don’t HAVE to play the dumb games ---- just come for a half-hour and tell the Mommy-to-be that you have to leave early, etc…And it isn’t about the gifts. My Mom sent her gift with me.
My other sister didn’t come and I have not yet heard from her at all! Nor from her two adult daughters who are the same age bracket as my son and his wife. One of the girls is engaged and getting married in the fall. Ummmmmm…betcha she will be having a shower, and a wedding reception…
I have to also let you know, we have not gotten together as a family for Christmas for two years now. Mom refused to compromise on having everyone come to her home at the day and time she wanted. She threw a “poor me” fit about it and said the men didn’t really like each other anyway (which is NOT true) and that it was just too hard to have a day when everyone could find spare time. I tried and tried to get everyone to agree to something family two years ago to the point that I was making Mom angry, so I gave up. (Mom even tried to get the three of us girls and her to get together at a restaurant and exclude the husbands and kids! THAT plan I flatly turned down!)
My husband has one brother who is married and they have four children who are aged 15 to 24. Yet we all seem to be able to find time to be together at Christmas for his family.
My Mom brags to people about how “close” we all are ---- and it is a lie!
What should I do about the baby shower? I just feel like I have put up with this anti-social behavior for YEARS and the shower was the final straw. I think my childless sister just avoids parties because she has been allowed to get away with her selfishness. My other sister ---- well I am afraid it will not be pleasant there either when I finally talk to her. (Although I have not spoken to her since her birthday on Jan. 1st when I called her to wish her a Happy Birthday — and she talked for about 5 minutes in a very distracted way before saying she had to get ready for work, and hung up!)
I love parties and family-time. I always made a “Big Deal” out of the kids’ birthdays, FIrst Communions, school plays, band recitals, etc…I wasa SAHM for 14 years and loved it. We had family traditions we held onto and my Son could tell you all about it. How did * I * become this traditional mom, and come from such a cold family?? (On a side note: They are not practicing Catholics. I am a convert . Mom and my sis with the 2 girls converted, too. But the sister and my mom quit going to Church soon after their “conversion”.)
How do I deal with my sadness and anger?
