Dealing with Mom in Law - PLZ Help

[VINJI]

Hi.
I am 29 yr old married. Prior to our marriage, from the very beginning of our proposal itself, my mom in law had issues with agreeing to mine because of some caste issues. So I dropped. My husband is the eldest in the family of which he has 2 siblings with one and two yrs difference from him. Later when both their marriages fixed, this proposal again came to me as nothing else clicked for him and finally I agreed accepting this as God’s will. My husband is suffering from some kind of skin disease for years which is not getting cured.

Three of their wedding was in the same week. Both the younger ones have now kids. But for us, we are still trying and waiting. And taking medicines for the health issues related to it.

My problem is, after our marriage my mom in law behaved very pleasingly to me in front of others. But when she gets a chance, she is behaves too bad. She is unpredictable. What irritates me is she interferes in our personal matters and tries to keep a control over us! Besides, she keeps on advising me on getting pregnant, consulting doctors, taking medicines etc…, of which I am very much particular and regular in.

I am slim and my husband is just opposite to me. I am trying my best to put on weight and by His grace we have no serious health issues. She has got an impression that I am not that enough and keeps bothering me advicing on things(what she thinks) that I don;t do. She often compares me with my co-sister, who has got a kid. And asks me to do so…

I tried my best to keep a distance with her. But when I did so, she started blaming even my parents!

Me and my husband is living in a distant place from them now. But once we make a call, all what I could hear is the same. She even forgets to ask “How are you”. Since we dont have kids, she keep bothering me repeatedly mentioning the same. Now I am getting stressed and depressed. It is even affecting our sex life.

The matter is, I really DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HER. Some one please help me with a practical method to tackle the situation.

Whenever I mention this my husband, he just ask me Sorry on her behalf. I know I could never change the situation. But I have to change. Please pray that I may receive the grace to overcome this challenge.

 

[Polycarp1]

I will certainly say a prayer for you and your mother-in-law. Almost all of us cope with family issues. It may not make it easier but the lord has given you this cross to bear for your own good and If you are able to be patient and love for those you find difficult you will grow in grace. The Lord commands us to love our enemies and to do good to those who hurt us. Not all our enemies have to be those who hate and want to destroy us but some can just people we find difficult to get along with. You should pray for her, ask the Lord to heal her and forgive you for any resentments that you have been harboring. Ask the lord to heal strained and broken relationships and in particular the wounds in your MIL which cause her to act the way she does.

 

[jmeyer3131]

I know I could never change the situation. But I have to change. Please pray that I may receive the grace to overcome this challenge.

I will pray.

You have already started on the right path. Too many don’t have the insight that they can’t chance the situation.

You did well to ask for prayer. I would suggest you pray for her (as you probably already do). She sounds like an unhappy woman. Praying for her may help change that, and may go a long ways towards helping to change you as well.

Treat her graciously. When she is talking and you are feeling upset, try to remember she is speaking through her unhappiness. Somehow she seems to think that you having children will give her more happiness, but if you do, I would bet any happiness she finds will be temporary, because she’s looking for it in the wrong things. Pray for her relationship with God to grow.

I’ll tell you a story. I have been married for 24 years. My mother-in-law tried to talk my husband out of marrying me. For decades she spoke about me behind my back to relatives, not kindly.

She was a baptized Lutheran but hadn’t worshiped anywhere in 30 years.

One day she was suffering from anxiety (which was unusual for her.) Because she knew she could trust me (no matter what she had said about me) she asked me for help and ended up going to Mass with me just to get out of the house. (I go daily.)

Fast forward several years. At age 85 she was received into the Church. At age 87 she had some health problems, and now behind my back she tells people I saved her life. Oh, and now, at age 88, we see each other daily because she also goes to daily Mass! We now have a great relationship and care a lot about each other.

So…pray for her, and pray that you can be loving towards her. And be that loving person. It is clear by your post that you are that kind of person…so when you are frustrated, just remember that God loves her dearly and remember you have the privilege of being a tool for Him to bring her closer to Him.

 

[Incomplete]

I will pray.

You have already started on the right path. Too many don’t have the insight that they can’t change the situation.

You did well to ask for prayer. I would suggest you pray for her (as you probably already do). She sounds like an unhappy woman. Praying for her may help change that, and may go a long ways towards helping to change you as well.

Treat her graciously. When she is talking and you are feeling upset, try to remember she is speaking through her unhappiness. Somehow she seems to think that you having children will give her more happiness, but if you do, I would bet any happiness she finds will be temporary, because she’s looking for it in the wrong things. Pray for her relationship with God to grow.

I’ll tell you a story. I have been married for 24 years. My mother-in-law tried to talk my husband out of marrying me. For decades she spoke about me behind my back to relatives, not kindly.

She was a baptized Lutheran but hadn’t worshiped anywhere in 30 years.

One day she was suffering from anxiety (which was unusual for her.) Because she knew she could trust me (no matter what she had said about me) she asked me for help and ended up going to Mass with me just to get out of the house. (I go daily.)

Fast forward several years. At age 85 she was received into the Church. At age 87 she had some health problems, and now behind my back she tells people I saved her life. Oh, and now, at age 88, we see each other daily because she also goes to daily Mass! We now have a great relationship and care a lot about each other.

So…pray for her, and pray that you can be loving towards her. And be that loving person. It is clear by your post that you are that kind of person…so when you are frustrated, just remember that God loves her dearly and remember you have the privilege of being a tool for Him to bring her closer to Him.

 

[jazzy0710]

I would highly recommend that you read the book “Boundaries” by Cloud & Townsend

 

[LittleFlower378]

I will pray.

You have already started on the right path. Too many don’t have the insight that they can’t change the situation.

You did well to ask for prayer. I would suggest you pray for her (as you probably already do). She sounds like an unhappy woman. Praying for her may help change that, and may go a long ways towards helping to change you as well.

Treat her graciously. When she is talking and you are feeling upset, try to remember she is speaking through her unhappiness. Somehow she seems to think that you having children will give her more happiness, but if you do, I would bet any happiness she finds will be temporary, because she’s looking for it in the wrong things. Pray for her relationship with God to grow.

I’ll tell you a story. I have been married for 24 years. My mother-in-law tried to talk my husband out of marrying me. For decades she spoke about me behind my back to relatives, not kindly.

She was a baptized Lutheran but hadn’t worshiped anywhere in 30 years.

One day she was suffering from anxiety (which was unusual for her.) Because she knew she could trust me (no matter what she had said about me) she asked me for help and ended up going to Mass with me just to get out of the house. (I go daily.)

Fast forward several years. At age 85 she was received into the Church. At age 87 she had some health problems, and now behind my back she tells people I saved her life. Oh, and now, at age 88, we see each other daily because she also goes to daily Mass! We now have a great relationship and care a lot about each other.

So…pray for her, and pray that you can be loving towards her. And be that loving person. It is clear by your post that you are that kind of person…so when you are frustrated, just remember that God loves her dearly and remember you have the privilege of being a tool for Him to bring her closer to Him.

Just a great story thank you for sharing that. I read a good book called Forgiveness a while back (sorry forgot the author, think its written by Jesuits) and it gave me some great tips on how to be mercifull.

Step 1 - confront the person that has offended you. That is the first step toward mercy and forgiveness. Tell them that you are truly offended and how much this hurts your marriage. If the person repents always forgive and continue to work on your relation ship.

Step 2 - If the person does not say they are sorry, your other option is to pray “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” You let the person go per say and hand them over to God. Jesus on the cross didnt say to the unrepentant people, “I forgive you,” he said “Father forgive them.” Let God work on their hearts and in the meantime continue to be kind and love the person as much as possible. If you are being mentally or physically abused I would keep a distance from the person.

Hope this kind of helps!

 

[VINJI]

Thank you, Polycarp1, LittleFlower378 and Incomplete!! I will definitely work on it. Your words were so much assuring for me. I feel confident that I can be that new person. Please pray that I may receive the grace to work on the new changes in me.

Incomplete, thanks for sharing your experience as well.

And jazzy0710, I will definitely get and read the book “Boundaries”. Hope there will something more to help me.

If there are any priests over there, please remember me while celebrating the Holy Mass. I Need more grace from Above to endure this.