Dealing with negative, controlling parents

[Kfrog]

Im feeling very frustrated with my parents right now, and could use some outside perspective. My oldest child is 16 and my husband and I, after much prayer, allowed her to move in with her bio dad (across the country). Her grandparents (bio dad side) run a private christian school and she is now enrolled there, has made friends, is the top of her class and is just really happy there.

My parents, who have always been close to her cannot accept the decision we made in letting her go, and are worrying themselves sick with "what ifs ". They cannot accept that we feel her bio dad has grown up a lot over the years and she is in a stable home with him. Every conversation I have with my parents is them asking details about what my daughter is doing, and then complain about it. For example, this week she is going camping with the whole family, which is something she has never done other than in our backyard, and she was really excited about it…well my dad was instantly mad, saying they will probably take her jet skiing and she might be hurt,killed etc. Trying to reassure them that she is in good hands is draining me. I miss her terribly but she is happy and I trust she is in good hands.

She has been living with them for 6 months and nothing bad has happened, she was just here for a month visit which my parents spent trying to convince her not to go back…I love my parents but how do I deal with this?

 

[Trishie]

Your parents are scared, over-anxious for the welfare of their granddaughter. It’s natural for both parents and grandparents to be concerned regarding their children and grandchildren.

Could you ask your parents to put their energy into daily praying with all their hearts for your daughter that God will guide and protect her? They aren’t likely to become less worried at this stage, but that may have to be the direction that their anxiety must take.

For yourselves and for many parents and grandparents, it is a time of struggle and inner growth, to trust that our children and grandchildren will be safe and blessed when they leave home and as they mature into adults, and even perhaps as they make some choices that make us uneasy. For both parents and grandparents there must be a new spurt of growth in trust and love as their children leave home and begin to make their life choices.

Some of us find it harder than others, and clearly that is so for your parents.

You and your husband know the circumstances of your choice. We don’t. You have decided, you explain, believing it is the best option for your daughter.

May God bless you and your husband,
may God assist your parents in finding hope and peace, and the depth of prayer and trust in God that they require.
May God bless and guide her father and his family
May God bless and lead your daughter according to His holy loving will.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Sometimes you just have to take a step back and live your own life. It sounds like you made the right decision regarding your daughter. Tell your parents that your daughter is happy, and that you’re happy for her. If they can’t stop commenting, then tell them that if they can’t stop with the negative comments, then you might have to stop filling them in on her progress so much.

Also, make sure they know that the move wasn’t intended to hurt them. Their feelings could honestly be hurt by her leaving. Perhaps she could write to them to say that she is happy and safe and that she never intended to upset them by moving away.