Dealing with negative people

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iumaddog627

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The situation is that I have a friend who is very negative. He always sees the negative in a situation, and even if it is positive, he looks for a negative reason for it…why is this person agreeing with what I said? Are they going to ask something from me later on? No matter how many times I try to point out the positive, there’s always some kind of response like that. I do believe that he has reasons for thinking this way. He has been burned in the past espeically with his job, so I don’t blame him for being cautious. But, it is affecting his overall hapiness. I have been asking him to see a doctor for depression, because I believe that it is there. But, he is afraid that if he does that his employer will find out and will affect his chances of advancement at work.

So, my quesiton is…how do I get though to him? What can I do to help? Every time I try to say something (like pointing out the positive or asking him to think positively about the situation), it doesn’t seem to help.
 
You’re not going to be able to get through to him. Sorry to be so negative. 😉

Seriously, only he can decide to get help. Some people are turned that way even when they aren’t depressed, and they tend to cause depression in others around them…“Debbie Downer” types. This has become one of my worst character defects, but thankfully I know it and am working on it.

All I can say is that unless you are VERY careful, someone like this can really affect YOUR OWN viewpoint and can drag you down. Unless he’s ready to get some help or start thinking in more positive ways, limit your time with him.
 
iumaddog627 said:
The situation is that I have a friend who is very negative. He always sees the negative in a situation, and even if it is positive, he looks for a negative reason for it…why is this person agreeing with what I said? Are they going to ask something from me later on? No matter how many times I try to point out the positive, there’s always some kind of response like that. I do believe that he has reasons for thinking this way. He has been burned in the past espeically with his job, so I don’t blame him for being cautious. But, it is affecting his overall hapiness. I have been asking him to see a doctor for depression, because I believe that it is there. But, he is afraid that if he does that his employer will find out and will affect his chances of advancement at work.

So, my quesiton is…how do I get though to him? What can I do to help? Every time I try to say something (like pointing out the positive or asking him to think positively about the situation), it doesn’t seem to help.
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What are some things that cause him to be negative?
It is likely that he has seen a lot of the negative side of life.
Seeing a doctor for depression should only be done in extreme circumstances. They are all to quick with their magic pen, especially with anti-depressants because the DEA does not crack down on them at all.
If seeing too many negative things is what is making him negative, it is just him rejecting Satan’s work. This happens to a lot of people before the Lord calls them.
Is he aware that Satan does indeed run the world? Only the Lord can save us from having our souls devoured.
 
FaithInTheSon said:
What are some things that cause him to be negative?
It is likely that he has seen a lot of the negative side of life.
Seeing a doctor for depression should only be done in extreme circumstances. They are all to quick with their magic pen, especially with anti-depressants because the DEA does not crack down on them at all.
If seeing too many negative things is what is making him negative, it is just him rejecting Satan’s work. This happens to a lot of people before the Lord calls them.
Is he aware that Satan does indeed run the world? Only the Lord can save us from having our souls devoured.
Click to expand...
Please do not denigrate doctors. They do not prescribe anti-depressants unless they are needed and can be helpful. If a person is truly depressed, it is actually beneficial to get them on medications as quickly as possible, so that the depression doesn’t become chronic. If treated early, there’s a good chance that the person won’t have to stay on the medications forever. But if a person cycles through depression and fights his/her way up and out of it, only to cycle down again, there’s a more than good chance that their brain is going to get permanently messed up (yes that’s a scientific term LOL) and never be able to produce or absorb the “happiness hormones” again.

Everyone who has been down or very sad for longer than a month with no gradual improvement should see a medical doctor or a psychiatrist (M.D. as well) for an evaluation. There could be other factors going on so seeing your regular doctor is a good idea in any case.
 
Books by Joyce Meter in enjoying everyday life…,always is helpful.
 
You can’t change this him.

Continue to be positive and if his negativity is bringing you down, limit your time around him.
 
As you observe he has reasons. There is natural predisposition but there is also that which is learned from experience. Some of us have been blessed to not have had the sort of life experiences that cause someone to question everything. In my experience fear is a learned behavior.

As to how to change him. You can’t. Live and let live. Pray.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Please do not denigrate doctors. They do not prescribe anti-depressants unless they are needed and can be helpful. If a person is truly depressed, it is actually beneficial to get them on medications as quickly as possible, so that the depression doesn’t become chronic. If treated early, there’s a good chance that the person won’t have to stay on the medications forever. But if a person cycles through depression and fights his/her way up and out of it, only to cycle down again, there’s a more than good chance that their brain is going to get permanently messed up (yes that’s a scientific term LOL) and never be able to produce or absorb the “happiness hormones” again.

Everyone who has been down or very sad for longer than a month with no gradual improvement should see a medical doctor or a psychiatrist (M.D. as well) for an evaluation. There could be other factors going on so seeing your regular doctor is a good idea in any case.
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Have you considered the other side of it? All the suicides, side effects, permanent damage to receptors not to mention chronic depression that has been caused by anti-depressants?

Are you aware that people are making a large fortune off of them, and many, not all, doctors get kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies for writing prescriptions for them?

Are you aware that once you start taking them it is almost impossible to stop once you have been on them for a while? It is worse than an addictive drug because your brain actually starts to rely on them to produce and/or manage the chemicals most scientists agree are needed for happiness.

Let the man make his own choices do not pressure him to seek medicine. Pressure him to seek the Lord’s light.

EDIT: I’m not saying there aren’t benefits. I am saying it is not economical for doctors to weigh the risks against them. It should be a last resort not a first line of defense.
 
iumaddog627 said:
The situation is that I have a friend who is very negative. He always sees the negative in a situation, and even if it is positive, he looks for a negative reason for it…why is this person agreeing with what I said? Are they going to ask something from me later on? No matter how many times I try to point out the positive, there’s always some kind of response like that. I do believe that he has reasons for thinking this way. He has been burned in the past espeically with his job, so I don’t blame him for being cautious. But, it is affecting his overall hapiness. I have been asking him to see a doctor for depression, because I believe that it is there. But, he is afraid that if he does that his employer will find out and will affect his chances of advancement at work.

So, my quesiton is…how do I get though to him? What can I do to help? Every time I try to say something (like pointing out the positive or asking him to think positively about the situation), it doesn’t seem to help.
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I am a negative person and in my case much of it has been ingrained over years and years of personal expierences and perceived slights. As hard as I try to shake it, I cannot help feeling that cards are stacked against me and that if not for bad luck I would not have any luck.

I say this because your friend’s negativity may be very deep-rooted and not something that can be changed or shrugged off overnight. In addition, although your friend may make strides out of the pit of negativity, it does not take much to slide backward into despair. Think of Sisyphus, the ancient king whose eternal punishment was to roll a large boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down before it ever reached the top. Your negative friend may feel like Sisyphus; that no matter how much of an effort is made to cross the apex into a positive light it is not going to happen.

Many times negative people have a coin-operated jukebox in their heads that, when things get rough, begin playing the same negative tune over and over and over again.

The best suggestions are to avoid preaching, try to put a positive spin on a difficult situation, and occasionally commiserate. Often times a negative person fails to realize that everyday life situations do not target specific individuals. Every driver gets stuck in traffic. Every person has to stand in line. Not every team wins every game. Sometimes life is a series of green lights. Sometimes life is a series of red lights. Setbacks will happen. In the end, avoid being judgemental. Negative types are very thin-skinned, which is one of the reasons we are negative. Our armor is not thick enough to handle the trials, tribulations, and rejections of every day life.

Perhaps the next time your friend says “Why do these things happen to me?” you could reply “I can certainly understand why you feel that way given all that has happened. You’ve certainly had more than your fair share of bad breaks. Maybe we are asking the wrong question. Rather than ask ‘Why do these things happen to me?’ let’s ask ‘Now that this has happened, what am I going to do about it?’” Perhaps that may lead to a little dialogue where you can encourage making the most of a bad, or perceived as bad, situation.
 
I’m just going to throw this out there, but have you tried praying for him? If he’s Catholic, perhaps having some Masses offered for him would be ideal.
 
FaithInTheSon said:
Have you considered the other side of it? All the suicides, side effects, permanent damage to receptors not to mention chronic depression that has been caused by anti-depressants?

Are you aware that people are making a large fortune off of them, and many, not all, doctors get kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies for writing prescriptions for them?

Are you aware that once you start taking them it is almost impossible to stop once you have been on them for a while? It is worse than an addictive drug because your brain actually starts to rely on them to produce and/or manage the chemicals most scientists agree are needed for happiness.

Let the man make his own choices do not pressure him to seek medicine. Pressure him to seek the Lord’s light.

EDIT: I’m not saying there aren’t benefits. I am saying it is not economical for doctors to weigh the risks against them. It should be a last resort not a first line of defense.
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You have an agenda, and it’s not fair nor wise to promote it on this website. Please, stop arguing. A last resort could cost someone his or her life. It’s nothing to play with.

And, it is against the law for doctors to get “kickbacks” for prescribing drugs. You need to stop with this anti-medical agenda.
 
Who said anti- medical? I have no agenda except to help my brothers and sisters.

I stated facts. Go ask a doctor if they are facts. Then ask them why they didn’t tell you upfront and watch the excuses roll in.

Are you one of those people that thinks it is also okay to put kids on speed if they don’t pay attention to what society says they should? Because it is very wrong. They do it every day.

There are good doctors and bad doctors. The problem is that people just want a pill, and the doctors are getting paid.

No kickbacks!? do the research. There are loopholes that are systematically exploited. Have you ever even considered the other side? You seem closed minded about this. You are a logical person judging by your posts so be aware that you are closed minded about it (if you are). The doctors (not all, just many) have an agenda. It is MONEY.

Here in Michigan you have doctors that were just against marijuana now opening clinics where they do nothing but recommend you for medical marijuana use to the state. The number of them is astonishing it is in every town. I am not going to get into debate about the validity of medical marijuana, I was just looking to prove a point.

Do a little research of your own before accepting the commonly accepted view (which, history tells us, is almost always wrong).
 
BTW - say this same kid grows up to have serotonin syndrome or another problem as a result of the speed (Adderrall is a combination of amphetamine salts aka speed). Should he then take anti-depressants before it is too late?

I have had a friend that was close to me commit suicide I know how serious it is. Do not accuse me any more please my points are valid.
 
Oh and 1 more point to make : The pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies are often owned by the same people. If not they always work together to keep doctors in check and prescribing what they want them to.

They do this through what is called Prior-Authorization.

It has caused an outrage in many many doctors. Look it up.
 
iumaddog627 said:
The situation is that I have a friend who is very negative. He always sees the negative in a situation, and even if it is positive, he looks for a negative reason for it…why is this person agreeing with what I said? Are they going to ask something from me later on? No matter how many times I try to point out the positive, there’s always some kind of response like that. I do believe that he has reasons for thinking this way. He has been burned in the past espeically with his job, so I don’t blame him for being cautious. But, it is affecting his overall hapiness. I have been asking him to see a doctor for depression, because I believe that it is there. But, he is afraid that if he does that his employer will find out and will affect his chances of advancement at work.

So, my quesiton is…how do I get though to him? What can I do to help? Every time I try to say something (like pointing out the positive or asking him to think positively about the situation), it doesn’t seem to help.
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Everyone ALWAYS has a reason for behaving the way they do. It might not be important at all to know the reason in order to help them or it might be very important. It this case it might not be important at all.

His employer WILL NOT find out. There is dr patient confidentiality. My family can not even find out. Only someone I give specific written consent and I can place all sorts of restrictions on this.

I saw my dr today. I have Depression and PTSD. I told him I need some time off work to re-group, line up a new psyhciatrist and therapist. I will be going on family medical leave act.

The dr wrote a note “will be out of work for evaluation and treatment for a medical condition”.

I am positive his employer will not know what he is seeing a doctor for although I think that some companies have more strict policies around if someone goes out on family medical leave (like takes a week or more off due to medical reasons) some companies may require the condtioin to be documented, I’m not sure about that. But he could be undergoing any treatment and the work will not know (save possibly if he goes out of family medical leave).

He can call his dr and ask. Most people with simple depression don’t even see psychiatrists because it’s soo common there are not enough psychiatrists in the country to see them all so primary care doctors prescribe anti-depressants to depressed people. People with more complicted cases like mine need to see a psychiatrist- but my work doen’t know and won’t know unless I tell them.

Have him ask his doctor about this to reassure him. Have him ask his insurance company as well to reassure him.

We only have 100 years on this planet if we are lucky, my belief is that if there is a pill that is going to make you go from being miserable to being normal, why the heck wouldn’t you take it. My only regret is not gettting on one sooner than I did - I had issues about the stigma and looked at it as a moral issue. Now I don’t and will take as many pills as my doctors think will help me, provided they have good reasons that make sense for having me on them all. Presently I take 5 FIVE psychiatric medication. No psychotropic drugs to treat things like delusions or paranoia, but 3 anti depressants, a mood stabilizer, and a blood pressure med I take to help with physical symptoms of anxiety (it slows the heart rate a little, lowers blood pressure a little- most physicians themselves have taken one before giving public speaches as it doesn’t effec the mind at all but the bodies reactions to stress).

Also, something you can try with him is called something like a paradoxical technique. Rather than trying to talk him OUT OF the negative way of looking at something. Make exaggerations around the negatives of whatever he is talking about. He says’ “the weather is miserable today” you say instead of “its not that bad” you say “yeah, we will probably wind up in the middle of a tornato and be spinning around in the car flying thorugh the air and wind up having the car plow right into the side of a building…probably someone’s bathroom…and probably right into the toilet and be covered with s***”

Won’t hurt to give it a try a few times to see if it helps at all since he’s your friend. Dr’s have successfully used this to treat many people, like people trying to quit cigarettes…telling them to lay 10 cigarettes 1 foot apart each around their bed before they go to sleep each day, etc… (makes no sense, right? But it shakes up the way they think about cigarettes)

A guy who was afraid to leave town…told to go to edge of town and lie down on side of road for 1 hour per day each day for 2 weeks…

The idea is that it eventually occurs to people that their issues are silly, gives them a different perspective TOTALLY which shakes up the way they think about things.

He’s your friend so your not gonna hurt him by joking with him in the manner I suggested.

God Bless,
Bill
 
Bill_7154 said:
Everyone ALWAYS has a reason for behaving the way they do. It might not be important at all to know the reason in order to help them or it might be very important. It this case it might not be important at all.

His employer WILL NOT find out. There is dr patient confidentiality. My family can not even find out. Only someone I give specific written consent and I can place all sorts of restrictions on this.

I saw my dr today. I have Depression and PTSD. I told him I need some time off work to re-group, line up a new psyhciatrist and therapist. I will be going on family medical leave act.

The dr wrote a note “will be out of work for evaluation and treatment for a medical condition”.

I am positive his employer will not know what he is seeing a doctor for although I think that some companies have more strict policies around if someone goes out on family medical leave (like takes a week or more off due to medical reasons) some companies may require the condtioin to be documented, I’m not sure about that. But he could be undergoing any treatment and the work will not know (save possibly if he goes out of family medical leave).

He can call his dr and ask. Most people with simple depression don’t even see psychiatrists because it’s soo common there are not enough psychiatrists in the country to see them all so primary care doctors prescribe anti-depressants to depressed people. People with more complicted cases like mine need to see a psychiatrist- but my work doen’t know and won’t know unless I tell them.

Have him ask his doctor about this to reassure him. Have him ask his insurance company as well to reassure him.

We only have 100 years on this planet if we are lucky, my belief is that if there is a pill that is going to make you go from being miserable to being normal, why the heck wouldn’t you take it. My only regret is not gettting on one sooner than I did - I had issues about the stigma and looked at it as a moral issue. Now I don’t and will take as many pills as my doctors think will help me, provided they have good reasons that make sense for having me on them all. Presently I take 5 FIVE psychiatric medication. No psychotropic drugs to treat things like delusions or paranoia, but 3 anti depressants, a mood stabilizer, and a blood pressure med I take to help with physical symptoms of anxiety (it slows the heart rate a little, lowers blood pressure a little- most physicians themselves have taken one before giving public speaches as it doesn’t effec the mind at all but the bodies reactions to stress).

Also, something you can try with him is called something like a paradoxical technique. Rather than trying to talk him OUT OF the negative way of looking at something. Make exaggerations around the negatives of whatever he is talking about. He says’ “the weather is miserable today” you say instead of “its not that bad” you say “yeah, we will probably wind up in the middle of a tornato and be spinning around in the car flying thorugh the air and wind up having the car plow right into the side of a building…probably someone’s bathroom…and probably right into the toilet and be covered with s***”

Won’t hurt to give it a try a few times to see if it helps at all since he’s your friend. Dr’s have successfully used this to treat many people, like people trying to quit cigarettes…telling them to lay 10 cigarettes 1 foot apart each around their bed before they go to sleep each day, etc… (makes no sense, right? But it shakes up the way they think about cigarettes)

A guy who was afraid to leave town…told to go to edge of town and lie down on side of road for 1 hour per day each day for 2 weeks…

The idea is that it eventually occurs to people that their issues are silly, gives them a different perspective TOTALLY which shakes up the way they think about things.

He’s your friend so your not gonna hurt him by joking with him in the manner I suggested.

God Bless,
Bill
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Bill I am aware of some things about you that some people reading will not be. You’re situation is very different from most peoples. You very well may be a case of anti-depressants proper application.

I know someone who has depression and PTSD who does very well off of medication compared to when he is on it.

Like with all things, there is a middle ground. Doctors have no incentive to find it. That’s part of what makes it dangerous.

Bill I would also assume you would agree that if your faith were strong enough you would not need the pills. Of course, this is not very applicable because we all lack faith. Some more than others, but most of us are not sinless for any extended period of time. Not implying you lack faith more than others, just provoking thought.
 
FaithInTheSon said:
Who said anti- medical? I have no agenda except to help my brothers and sisters.

I stated facts. Go ask a doctor if they are facts. Then ask them why they didn’t tell you upfront and watch the excuses roll in.

Are you one of those people that thinks it is also okay to put kids on speed if they don’t pay attention to what society says they should? Because it is very wrong. They do it every day.

There are good doctors and bad doctors. The problem is that people just want a pill, and the doctors are getting paid.

No kickbacks!? do the research. There are loopholes that are systematically exploited. Have you ever even considered the other side? You seem closed minded about this. You are a logical person judging by your posts so be aware that you are closed minded about it (if you are). The doctors (not all, just many) have an agenda. It is MONEY.

Here in Michigan you have doctors that were just against marijuana now opening clinics where they do nothing but recommend you for medical marijuana use to the state. The number of them is astonishing it is in every town. I am not going to get into debate about the validity of medical marijuana, I was just looking to prove a point.

Do a little research of your own before accepting the commonly accepted view (which, history tells us, is almost always wrong).
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I worked in the medical field for years. I have a lot of experience, but I’m not the one who has an agenda, or a closed mind.
 
You can not just make a statement.
You have to support it.

I’m not even going to bother. You have the wrong idea about me I can tell you that much.

You worked in the medical field right?
So you know about prior-auth’s and you know about the dangers of anti-depressants.

I’ll just leave the thread you obviously do not want to be productive. I probably did all the good I will be able to do anyways.

What is my agenda? To help people? Did I lie at all or try to deceive in any way? Did I try to imply something untrue without lies?

I don’t think I did any of these things.
 
FaithInTheSon said:
You can not just make a statement.
You have to support it.

I’m not even going to bother. You have the wrong idea about me I can tell you that much.

You worked in the medical field right?
So you know about prior-auth’s and you know about the dangers of anti-depressants.

I’ll just leave the thread you obviously do not want to be productive. I probably did all the good I will be able to do anyways.

What is my agenda? To help people? Did I lie at all or try to deceive in any way? Did I try to imply something untrue without lies?

I don’t think I did any of these things.
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How did you help? By stating that doctors are in it for the money, and that anti-depressants are unnecessary? And that if we all just had more faith we wouldn’t need them in the first place. Would you say that to someone who is diabetic? That if they had more faith, their pancreas would work properly? It is very dangerous and WRONG to say such things, or imply them.

You are twisting things that may have an element of truth making them fit your anti-drug/anti-medical agenda. It’s OT for this thread, where we are trying to help the OP to understand and/or help her negative-minded friend.

I do not need to support my experience in the medical field, and how could I? I am telling the truth. I worked for an OB-GYN, a three-man family practice group, and in a Catholic hospital. Have you any experience in the fields you are denigrating? Or just opinions?

Don’t bother answering, this has gone on long enough, it’s OT and rude to the OP.
 
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