Dealing with Non-Catholic family

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BlueEyedLady said:
That’s a perfect response! And then follow through with leaving.
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Sorry, I have to disagree.
It is a passive-aggressive triangulating dysfunctional response (which is what the parents are using), and it is using the baby badly, which wil not serve well in the future when she is older.
I would stop that nonsense right now, and confront it head on, directly. And lovingly.
 
MacQ said:
First let me say that I admire your courage in the face of such close (and strident) opposition. I have known many in the RCIA process who faced similar challenges, and it’s not easy. I will pray for you.

Now:

Since your daughter in only 15 months old, these nasty comments are really directed at you. I disagree with people who advise you to “sing-song” some retort to your daughter, as that would be the same kind of sick triangulation they are using, and uses your daughter poorly.

So I suggest you communicate something along the following lines to your folks:

*Mom and Dad:
We are aware of your opposition to our family decision to enter the Catholic Church.
We don’t want that to turn into a hurtful situation for anyone.
Please know that we will never teach our daughter that your religious beliefs are wrong or bad, and we hope you will not try to teach her that ours are. We will teach her to love and respect you, and hope you will always communicate the same to her about us.

As for religion, let us focus on what binds us together in that regard…which is the teachings of Jesus. Therefore let us show to her a loving, caring family.
Our greatest hope is for her to grow up in a family-centered environment, and to experience the wonderful gifts of loving grandparents in her life.

To that end, we think it might be best if we all refrain from religious discussion that focuses on difference among churches, and rather focuses on what binds all Christians together. Can we perhaps come together and decide how best to proceed?

We love you,
Fred and Ethel*
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I have to say that this would be nice in a perfect situation but these parents have already demonstrated that they are not and will not ever be open to the Catholic faith. That said, I believe it would be to their daughter’s harm to expose her young mind to the hate they are blatantly displaying. I’m not suggesting that they abandon their relationship with the grandparents; only that they not leave her alone with them.
 
MacQ said:
Sorry, I have to disagree.
It is a passive-aggressive triangulating dysfunctional response (which is what the parents are using), and it is using the baby badly, which wil not serve well in the future when she is older.
I would stop that nonsense right now, and confront it head on, directly. And lovingly.
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MacQ,

It’s a joke!
 
Overreacting? Far from it. If anything, I feel you’re under reacting.

At fifteen months these comments have no meaning for your DD, but if they are not stopped now, she’ll hear them when she is old enough to understand them but too young to cope with them. Imagine how upsetting it would be for a child to hear from someone they love that their mommy and daddy are going to hell. How worried and confused your little one would be! As her parent, it’s your obligation to put a stop to this now.

Be proactive. Tell them at once that you will not tolerate any negative comments about your religious choice. None. Ever. You don’t have to be nasty or angry, but you do need to be firm.

And the next time anything similar is said, you get up and leave immediately. (I’m assuming that they would not be this rude in your home, but if they are, ask them to leave at once.) Then they have no contact with your DD for a set amount of time, two weeks or a month. If, after you resume contact, this happens again, the time is doubled. If it’s necessary, the time is doubled for each occurrence, but if they are normal grandparents, I doubt that would be necessary.

Unless, as time goes by, you are convinced that they will respect your boundaries, there really shouldn’t be ANY alone time with these people.

Yes, it’s great for children to have a warm and loving relationship with their grandparents, but not if the cost is putting them through the experience of hearing horrible things about their parents, who are the world to them. That’s seriously damaging. As a grandmother, I cannot imagine anyone putting a beloved grandchild through anything as mean as this.
 
MacQ,

Because I preceded the suggested script with, “I don’t suggest this and I think this is wrong, but I think it’s funny.”
 
Allegra said:
This is not a religion issue. This is an issue of your parents trying to undermine your parenting. The things they are saying to your daughter and horrible and I would not let them around her either. No. Unfortunately, you are not over-reacting.
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👍

I would do the same if the grandparents were exposing the child to physically dangerous activities.

My own in laws took my 3 year old son out on a riding lawn mower. Then took a picture. This was after I had asked them not to do just that. To me, that meant no unsupervised visits for a while.
 
MacQ said:
You might want to note that my reply was not to Xantippe, but to Blue Eyed Lady, who posted that she thought it was a good response.
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Xantippe clearly wrote the suggestion as a joke. BEL might think it’s a reasonable reaction, but you asked Xantippe why he thought it was a joke. Perhaps you quoted the wrong post when you responded?
 
Allegra said:
Xantippe clearly wrote the suggestion as a joke. BEL might think it’s a reasonable reaction, but you asked Xantippe why he thought it was a joke. Perhaps you quoted the wrong post when you responded?
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Yes, I reckon that’s what I did.
 
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