Dealing with out of control divorced parents

[Greatmom126]

Hi All… I have researched online and cannot find any information to help back up my position. Alittle background information…I am 35, married 11 years, 4 kids. I have 3 younger sisters, youngest is 25. My parents got divorced this past year because my father was caught 3 years ago cheating on my mother after 35 years of marriage with a girl younger than his youngest. They have had an awful relationship. Now that they are newly divorced, my parents are dating. My mother who has been miss prim and proper for as long as I have known her, is now a bar fly, sleeps over her boyfriends house, ignores us kids and grandkids, completely is lost with her new boyfriend. I have stated to both my parents (I have no relationship with my father) that it is not necessary for my boys to meet their significant others because it is unneccesary and they do not need to see that. I am not angry at their divorce I am angry that they could careless about us as a family and are the biggest hyporcrites in the world. Now my mother has stated after 2 mos with this guy (whom I have never met) she is now in love and wants him to meet my kids. I said no. I am getting advice like, they have moved on, get over it, etc…I just do not agree with their lifestyle and I do not think my boys meeting this guy is necessary. How do I handle this?

 

[faithfully]

Tell the parents the kids can meet their SO’s when they marry them.

 

[Corinne3]

Dr. Laura would probably say YOU do not have to introduce anyone into your or your kids’ lives that you don’t want to. I think I’d probably keep my kids away from their SO’s!!! for the time being anyway. Chances are, they are just mid-life flings anyways, so who needs it???

Good Luck~ It’s too bad your mom’s morals, as well as your dad’s have gone downhill. I would tell my parents how disappointed I am in them. It certainly won’t bring them happiness. Your dad went off seeking greener pastures…he’ll find it’ll be just cement sooner or later…

God Bless~

 

[kildare]

This is why Divorce is so evil.
The affair your father had was admittedly a terrible thing, but I think the greatest wrong was signing those divorce papers! You said they had a terrible relationship already. Why do you think this is?
Often people go on about changing attitudes, no sex, letting go and even wrong astrological compatability. But really its all a cover for the fact that charity in the relationsip is lacking. The other way leads to a heardening of hearts and that usually is fatal. Sometimes we just have to carry crosses for the others.

So Instead of a divorce they should have both tried to emulate Jesus Christ, or at least one of them could have. It sounds extreme but really I think Divorce is one of the great Evils in todays society. Once that door is opened it is like opening a pandora’s box of evil. And the results are clear as you say.
Nevertheless in your case that particular box has been opened, so now what?
God forgive me for saying this, as its easier said than done, but I would ban the new partners from visiting the house or meeting with your children. If you allow them in it means that you accept the divorce.
But you need to come over and tell this gentlely and with compassion.

The thing is that in God’s eyes your parents are still married, so if you see yourself as a christian then they are still married in your eyes too. I know nowdays people would consider us as mad as the taliban for saying that, but thats the way it is.

 

[Charlotte1776]

Tell the parents the kids can meet their SO’s when they marry them.

I completely agree. It upsets and confuses children when there is a rotating cast of characters coming into their lives and leaving soon after. And if she is bar-hopping and now has loose morals, the men she is probably atracting are almost certainly not ones you want around your kids. Keep them far away from their new flings until they get married.

 

[kevinsgirl]

You first obligation is to your kids as their mother. You are there to shield them from the ugliness that your parents have put you through. Don’t let your mom make you feel like a bad daughter because you are being a good mother. Your kids come first.