Dealing with pessimism in others

[wumpiesmommy]

I’m blessed to live much of my life on a spiritual high… with my focus on heavenly things, oblivious to things of the world.
But I live with my husband, toddler, and mother who are prone to extreme negativity in their thoughts, words, attitudes, and emotions.
I long to share my hope and joy with them at all times but they often spit it back in my face or ignore me. It’s like they want to be miserable.
Their frequent negativity is rubbing off on my toddler, who throws fits so I have to put him in his crib and isolate until he’s done because negative expressions just grate my soul after awhile.
How can I maintain hope, joy, and love in the midst of vacuous misery?
Please advise. Thank you.

 

[MaryT777]

Keep on doing what you’re doing to the best of your ability. I too was surrounded by negativity by family and regretfully I limit my time with them so as not to have to deal with continuous in this instance negativity.

You may not have that option obviously.

I love your positive post!
God bless.
Mary.

 

[FrancisBenedict]

It is very hard and wearing.

Give yourself if you can some time in peace in church+

God heal your those around you in your situation+

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I grew up in a family where people were stressed and very pessimistic. I learned to be the same way and it took me forever to unlearn it, thanks to prayer. For your own sake and for the sake of your children, do what you can in order to have a calm and happy atmosphere at home. Regular prayer will keep you strong and filled with God’s peace. Go to Adoration as often as you can. It is such a wonderful devotion.

 

[john330]

Love is undefeated!

Your love and joy will win out in the end! God has given you this joy so that you can spread it to others. I am in the same place as you with the people that I work with, the people I serve in prison, and the homeless that I serve. Persevere in love and do not let them steal your joy! Human misery is very real. But there is one thing more real than misery. This is the joy that results from God’s love and salvation. Continuously show them this joy, and their misery will melt away. Sometimes it takes a while. It has taken years for some of my family members. Remember, though, in the end we win! The Book of Revelation says of the New Jerusalem:

“Nothing accursed will be found there anymore. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will look upon his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever.”

And

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new!”

 

[MaryT777]

Love is undefeated!

Your love and joy will win out in the end! God has given you this joy so that you can spread it to others. I am in the same place as you with the people that I work with, the people I serve in prison, and the homeless that I serve. Persevere in love and do not let them steal your joy! Human misery is very real. But there is one thing more real than misery. This is the joy that results from God’s love and salvation. Continuously show them this joy, and their misery will melt away. Sometimes it takes a while. It has taken years for some of my family members. Remember, though, in the end we win! The Book of Revelation says of the New Jerusalem:

“Nothing accursed will be found there anymore. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will look upon his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever.”

What an inspirational post!
Welcome to the forums by the way!

And

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new!”

 

[Anglewannabe]

Yes, you are blessed to have such a positive attitude. I wish I could say the same. Now, I am going to assume there are financial or health issues for which your mom needs to live with you. Sadly VERY few moms will change because a child asked them to. She will always see it as being bossed by a kid no matter how old you are.

However, your husband is a different story. I would approach from the point of view you need to provide a good home for you son and you are noticing he is getting aggressive and tell your husband you need his help.

One thing to note. If this is your first kid (and I am speaking from what I have read since I have no kids) it may just be that the toddler is entering the terrible twos. It can be a stressful time for a lot of moms because they wonder why the change. Just keep putting him/her in the crib and set appropriate boundaries. It’s all you really can do

 

[EasterJoy]

I had an acquaintance who was famous (or infamous, maybe) for his pessimistic view of, well, pretty much everything. The guy would give you the shirt off of his back, he was a nice person, but he was an awful pessimist. My nickname for him was Mary Sunshine, but I had a genuine affection for him, including his propensity to put the most cynical reading on things. I saw him kind as a real-life Eeyore, sort of loveable in his thistle-eating way.

I don’t think he’d ever had anyone willing to just look past his negative comments and not take them too seriously. IOW, the key to not being disappointed in people is not to expect them to meet an expectation that you put on them. You have a sunny disposition–this is great! But it is like having a beautiful voice. You sing, yes, but you also have to have patience with those who can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Sometimes, you’re surrounded by Eeyore and Rabbit and Piglet and the rest, and you decide to be Christopher Robin. That is what hope can allow you to do.

As for your toddler, who “who throws fits so I have to put him in his crib and isolate until he’s done because negative expressions just grate my soul after awhile”…do you think that toddlers in positive households do not throw tantrums? Do not imagine this. Toddlers with certain dispositions throw tantrums. It is no reason to get your soul grated. Some people have to build roads and put up with listening to heavy machinery and dynamite going off and all the birds scared away, and you have a child who’s going through some limited period of trying fits as a way of dealing with frustration.

The thing to do with fits is to be unfailingly cheerful. Sure, you might put him in his crib to be by himself, but you do a “upsy daisy, now you just settle in here for awhile, and you’ll have a hold of yourself before you know it. You can do it, Sweetie.” And off you go. That’s not how you handle real sorrow, but it is how you handle the choice to just be a little stinker. Adamantly refuse to let him see he’s getting to you. (If he does get to you, you’re allowed to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry for awhile. This is why we baby-safe houses, so we can have a few minutes alone in the bathroom!)

Yes, I mean that if you get down once in awhile, do not blame everyone else. People get down, you’re going to get down once in awhile. We’re still in the vale of tears. Blame divides us. Try to avoid blaming. Rather, look for solutions, and when you have something to cry about, cry your tears to the Lord, but without blaming. Ask him how to accomplish this love you’ve been asked to have for these difficult people.

When was the last time you read “Story of a Soul”? Read that…it is very good for the kind of problem you’re talking about. And hang in there. You will learn how to cope with this, and your toddler will pick up on the joy of how you live. You rub off on him, too, you know!!