Dealing with scruples

[MissyMay]

Hello everyone, good afternoon.

I have a problem that has been bothering me for some time that I finally have a name for; scrupulosity. BOY if you’ve dealt with this, you know what I mean before I even say anything.

WEll, I’m not dealing very well with it, and I would appreciate some advice.

With me, scrupulosity means that no matter how many answers I get regarding a question, I can’t reconcile the answer in my head and heart. If I ask, Is A a sinful behavior, and the answers point to No, or, No, just don’t be stupid about it, I still can’t help but wonder if I’m sinning.

Going shopping, talking with friends, watching a scary movie, picking out clothes in the morning, nothing is enjoyable anymore. No matter how many times I explore a question, I keep asking, is this modest enough? Are we gossipping? Was that mean? Did I sin?

I spend more time obsessing over the act than I do any act to begin with!

I know that the best thing to do about scruples is to talk to my confessor, and I do. However, I can’t go to him with every obsession and worry that comes into my head; I’d never leave! SO I’m trying to learn how you manage scruples on your own.

How do you quiet the nagging? How do you know that what you’re doing ISN’T sinful? Even if you feel you know the answer, how do you know you aren’t just trying to CONVINCE yourself it isn’t sinful?

I’m tired of looking for answers to questions I already have the answer to. I’m tired of wording it a liiiittle different each time, tired of asking the same scenario with the tiniest details changed. HOW do you take what you know and apply it? How do you enjoy something that your scrupulous mind yells is bad, even when logic tells you it’s not?

 

[baltobetsy]

Click here to join a group of great people struggling with the same issues.

God bless you.

Betsy

 

[Angel7]

Hello everyone, good afternoon.

I have a problem that has been bothering me for some time that I finally have a name for; scrupulosity. BOY if you’ve dealt with this, you know what I mean before I even say anything.

WEll, I’m not dealing very well with it, and I would appreciate some advice.

With me, scrupulosity means that no matter how many answers I get regarding a question, I can’t reconcile the answer in my head and heart. If I ask, Is A a sinful behavior, and the answers point to No, or, No, just don’t be stupid about it, I still can’t help but wonder if I’m sinning.

Going shopping, talking with friends, watching a scary movie, picking out clothes in the morning, nothing is enjoyable anymore. No matter how many times I explore a question, I keep asking, is this modest enough? Are we gossipping? Was that mean? Did I sin?

I spend more time obsessing over the act than I do any act to begin with!

I know that the best thing to do about scruples is to talk to my confessor, and I do. However, I can’t go to him with every obsession and worry that comes into my head; I’d never leave! SO I’m trying to learn how you manage scruples on your own.

How do you quiet the nagging? How do you know that what you’re doing ISN’T sinful? Even if you feel you know the answer, how do you know you aren’t just trying to CONVINCE yourself it isn’t sinful?

I’m tired of looking for answers to questions I already have the answer to. I’m tired of wording it a liiiittle different each time, tired of asking the same scenario with the tiniest details changed. HOW do you take what you know and apply it? How do you enjoy something that your scrupulous mind yells is bad, even when logic tells you it’s not?

I tried to deal with my scruples bymyself too!!
but remember, hey, your neve REALLY alone

there is a GREAT family ready to help you out!
Here is a link taht will help, it works, really

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/pdf_archive/november2005sa_web.pdf

The first one is more If You actually have scrupulousity. (Which In your case, I think you do)

 

[Bookcat]

Hello everyone, good afternoon.

I have a problem that has been bothering me for some time that I finally have a name for; scrupulosity. BOY if you’ve dealt with this, you know what I mean before I even say anything.

WEll, I’m not dealing very well with it, and I would appreciate some advice.

With me, scrupulosity means that no matter how many answers I get regarding a question, I can’t reconcile the answer in my head and heart. If I ask, Is A a sinful behavior, and the answers point to No, or, No, just don’t be stupid about it, I still can’t help but wonder if I’m sinning.

Going shopping, talking with friends, watching a scary movie, picking out clothes in the morning, nothing is enjoyable anymore. No matter how many times I explore a question, I keep asking, is this modest enough? Are we gossipping? Was that mean? Did I sin?

I spend more time obsessing over the act than I do any act to begin with!

I know that the best thing to do about scruples is to talk to my confessor, and I do. However, I can’t go to him with every obsession and worry that comes into my head; I’d never leave! SO I’m trying to learn how you manage scruples on your own.

How do you quiet the nagging? How do you know that what you’re doing ISN’T sinful? Even if you feel you know the answer, how do you know you aren’t just trying to CONVINCE yourself it isn’t sinful?

I’m tired of looking for answers to questions I already have the answer to. I’m tired of wording it a liiiittle different each time, tired of asking the same scenario with the tiniest details changed. HOW do you take what you know and apply it? How do you enjoy something that your scrupulous mind yells is bad, even when logic tells you it’s not?

Scruples by nature have to do with fear…anxiety and doubt. The French call it the doubting disease (though it is not a disease per se). Often the person has a difficulty knowing that they actually know.

Some thoughts…

Of course a regular confessor and general principles …followed perhaps with the great support of his authority as your confessor can go a long way to help one with scruples…

Prayer, the sacraments, living the virtue of hope and trust…etc of course are important.

Informing ones conscience with good sources such as the Catechism etc. Though those with scruples can often be well versed in morals etc already…

One thing is to learn to recognize that one is scrupling …and to stand firm against them.

Despise scruples. Learn to laugh at them. Stand firm against them.

And as a 15th century Carthusian put it…treat them like a barking dog or a hissing goose…one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or hissing goose does one? No you just keep walking…

so just keep walking…and do not stop to argue with them.

and stand firm.

 

[Bookcat]

Also very importantly… turn your attention more to the joys of being a Christian…always keep your eyes on Christ the Good Shepherd …on following him in joy! Christ is our hope! Think more about him …in love…faith…and hope…and about the virtues and graces …

think that you are a Christian…a saint (in the words of Paul)…you are in Christ…and nothing can separate you from him…against your will.

Only by a mortal sin can you leave the state of grace…and mortal sin is only when you have a grave matter…and full knowledge and complete consent together…and as St. Catherine of Siena tells us…we have been given free will…no one can make us commit a mortal sin…not even the devil…

 

[shondrea]

I have a question, Bookcat. How can you tell if it’s a barking dog, or a reeeal sin?

 

[Orleans_Attny]

Hello everyone, good afternoon.

I have a problem that has been bothering me for some time that I finally have a name for; scrupulosity. BOY if you’ve dealt with this, you know what I mean before I even say anything.

WEll, I’m not dealing very well with it, and I would appreciate some advice.

With me, scrupulosity means that no matter how many answers I get regarding a question, I can’t reconcile the answer in my head and heart. If I ask, Is A a sinful behavior, and the answers point to No, or, No, just don’t be stupid about it, I still can’t help but wonder if I’m sinning.

Going shopping, talking with friends, watching a scary movie, picking out clothes in the morning, nothing is enjoyable anymore. No matter how many times I explore a question, I keep asking, is this modest enough? Are we gossipping? Was that mean? Did I sin?

I spend more time obsessing over the act than I do any act to begin with!

I know that the best thing to do about scruples is to talk to my confessor, and I do. However, I can’t go to him with every obsession and worry that comes into my head; I’d never leave! SO I’m trying to learn how you manage scruples on your own.

How do you quiet the nagging? How do you know that what you’re doing ISN’T sinful? Even if you feel you know the answer, how do you know you aren’t just trying to CONVINCE yourself it isn’t sinful?

I’m tired of looking for answers to questions I already have the answer to. I’m tired of wording it a liiiittle different each time, tired of asking the same scenario with the tiniest details changed. HOW do you take what you know and apply it? How do you enjoy something that your scrupulous mind yells is bad, even when logic tells you it’s not?

One look at the Moral Theology forum should tell you that you aren’t alone.

Why don’t you start by considering how much God loves you? Then consider whether he is so critical of your behavior that he condemns the things you’re worried about. Do you have faith? Do you work for the betterment of others? Do you love God above all things? Do you honor your parents? Do you commit adultery? Do you steal? Do you hate? Do you go to Mass on Sunday? Do you take the Lord’s name in vain? Do you work at an abortion clinic?

Yes? No? Not often?

Now ask yourself this: Do you think your obsessive behavior is more in line with a belief in a forgiving God or one that condemns you?

It seems to me that a person should reconsider their faith in a forgiving and loving God if he or she finds themselves is obsessing about: asking for a tax extension, having a pet, clipping coupons, having nice things, talking to animals, taking prescription drugs.

If you’re concerned that those type behaviors are your big sins, let me tell you: You’re a living saint.

Pax,
OA

 

[MissyMay]

One look at the Moral Theology forum should tell you that you aren’t alone.

Why don’t you start by considering how much God loves you? Then consider whether he is so critical of your behavior that he condemns the things you’re worried about. Do you have faith? Do you work for the betterment of others? Do you love God above all things? Do you honor your parents? Do you commit adultery? Do you steal? Do you hate? Do you go to Mass on Sunday? Do you take the Lord’s name in vain? Do you work at an abortion clinic?

Yes? No? Not often?

Now ask yourself this: Do you think your obsessive behavior is more in line with a belief in a forgiving God or one that condemns you?

It seems to me that a person should reconsider their faith in a forgiving and loving God if he or she finds themselves is obsessing about: asking for a tax extension, having a pet, clipping coupons, having nice things, talking to animals, taking prescription drugs.

If you’re concerned that those type behaviors are your big sins, let me tell you: You’re a living saint.

Pax,
OA

Well, no, I’ve never done anything like steal or work in an abortion clinic, and I attend mass weekly and confession often. I just…It feels like, if I’m enjoying myself, if I’m happy, having fun, I must be sinning. I feel like even the little things are big things. In my head, I can twist any small stumble into a mortal sin.

 

[Bookcat]

I have a question, Bookcat. How can you tell if it’s a barking dog, or a reeeal sin?

A person with scruples would need to begin to know themselves…and what kinds of scruples they are prone to…

then they can recognize the barking dogs that come around their neighborhood

…and their related breeds…

and then learn to pass them by…

Their confessor of course can help them…

and they can inform themselves via good orthodox sources…

of course knowing what one needs for a mortal sin etc.

 

[EmeraldWings]

You need to be patient with yourself, examining your life and sins is a very good thing, but it’s a learning process, it’s not supposed to stress you out,
God works in us slowly, because if we change to fast or take on to much at one time, we will become very overwhelmed, and God does not want that,
Jesus lived for you out of love, suffered out of love, died out of love, everything He did was out of love, and He wants us to follow His example, to imitate Him, and so you must approach even your own struggles with love,
God does not expect from you what you cannot accomplish, He only wants you to do what you can, He is not displeased when you are learning, He is only displeased when you give in or give up,
if you are stressed out it may be because you are relying on yourself to much, you have to learn to rely completely on God, because without Him we are nothing and can do nothing but sin,
and so to rely on God, the first step is to always seek His help in everything first, and then second, to listen and look,

here is an easy way to know if you have sinned or not, simply ask yourself, “did i do this knowingly and didn’t care? or did i do it without thinking or because i didn’t know?”
God is most offended when we commit a sin while full well knowing what we are doing and not caring about it, but if you find yourself saying “i just don’t know” or “i’m just not sure” then it’s pretty safe to say you did not sin mortally,
and if it’s venial, then you can be forgiven by going to communion, or by taking holy water and blessing yourself saying “By this Holy Water, and by Thy Precious Blood O Lord, wash away all my sins”
we can also do penances and say prayers after sinning to,
God knows you do not want to offend Him, He knows you love Him, but you have to trust Him and be patient with yourself, when you get upset with yourself like this, it means you are not regarding yourself as the weak creature you really are, and not realizing your complete dependence on God, we become stressed when we rely to much on ourselves,
you have to let your fears go, give them to Jesus, He will take them and give you peace in return, He wants to help you, you just need to ask, and then do not worry, just be patient, because God works how and when He knows best,

just don’t worry, you can’t commit a mortal sin without knowing it, and your venial sins won’t send you to hell, God knows you are trying and do not want to offend Him, so just keep learning and be calm, Jesus would rather see us happy then stressed even over our sins, so be happy, and Jesus will be happy,
if you struggle with doing even that, then just pray on it, ask for it when you receive communion, and speak with Jesus about it often,
a good relationship with Jesus will help you very much, so if you could set aside just a half hour every day, or atleast as much as your able, to just speak with God, that would help you alot, just talk about anything that’s on your mind, all your troubles and worries, even things that make you happy, Jesus loves to hear from you, and He will speak to you also in your heart, even if not right away, or even if you don’t recognize it, but He will.

well i think i’ve said enough, i hope this helps you, take care.