Dealing with someone who is delusional

[DaveBj]

I need some advice from people who are used to dealing with people that have mental and memory deficiencies. When someone like that is delusional on some subject, is it better to just roll with the delusion and live with it, or it preferable to stand up for the truth? I’m talking about flat-out believing and declaring something that is not true and never happened, not matters of religious faith and conviction.

My tendency is to stick to the truth and correct error, but it is getting to the point where that is causing significant verbal disagreements with the person in question, and to keep the peace, it could be seen as better to just let the matter slide. However, letting the matter slide could also result in the dissemination of false information, which could come back to bite the person in question later.

I’m not looking for a hard-and-fast answer; I’m just interested in getting some opinions from folks who have been there and done that. Thanks in advance.

 

[dsully]

Maybe talk with a Catholic or Christian mental health professional?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I need some advice from people who are used to dealing with people that have mental and memory deficiencies. When someone like that is delusional on some subject, is it better to just roll with the delusion and live with it, or it preferable to stand up for the truth? I’m talking about flat-out believing and declaring something that is not true and never happened, not matters of religious faith and conviction.

My tendency is to stick to the truth and correct error, but it is getting to the point where that is causing significant verbal disagreements with the person in question, and to keep the peace, it could be seen as better to just let the matter slide. However, letting the matter slide could also result in the dissemination of false information, which could come back to bite the person in question later.

I’m not looking for a hard-and-fast answer; I’m just interested in getting some opinions from folks who have been there and done that. Thanks in advance.

Just how much dissemination of information can a delusional person do anyway? Is the delusion obvious to other people? If so, forget arguing with the person. I would say don’t try to correct the delusion UNLESS (and it’s a big one) it is going to cause actual physical harm to that person or others (believing one can fly, for example, and trying to jump out of windows, or getting paranoid and thinking others are out to do him/her harm, thus leading to violence).

Does this person have a therapist? If so, make an appointment to speak with the therapist to get expert advice.

 

[DaveBj]

Just how much dissemination of information can a delusional person do anyway? Telling stories about a third party that are incorrect, and cast that person in a negative light. Is the delusion obvious to other people? No. If so, forget arguing with the person. I would say don’t try to correct the delusion UNLESS (and it’s a big one) it is going to cause actual physical harm to that person or others (believing one can fly, for example, and trying to jump out of windows, or getting paranoid and thinking others are out to do him/her harm, thus leading to violence). The delusions are not that kind; they are errors of fact in the memory.

Does this person have a therapist? If so, make an appointment to speak with the therapist to get expert advice. The person does, and that’s a good idea for somewhere down the road, when the problem gets more serious than it is right now. For dsully, the therapist is a devout Russian Orthodox, with a strong interest in Catholicism.

 

[EasterJoy]

I went to a talk by a geriatric nurse concerning how to deal with demented parents. Her advice was to give them as much freedom as you can, because they’re still adults and they know it. Look for ways to distract them. (One person had a basket of matching socks for his mom to “mate” and fold, which he’d go and “unmate” later so she’d always have a task when she needed a task to calm her.) Use “soap opera” language that cues the person in to what the “storyline” is, so they won’t feel anxious about not knowing what you’re talking about. Don’t confront them about their delusions; it will only agitate them.

Unless someone is in some danger of being believed by an unknown third party, there is no moral reason to challenge a delusional person. You’re not going to change their mind, because their minds don’t work that way any more. They literally cannot be reasoned with. Redirection is usually a better tactic. If they spread stories, you usually have to go around behind and let the misinformed parties know what the problem is.

For instance, if a demented person tries to phone his mother who has been dead 30 years, you don’t confront the person with “Harry, you can’t call her, she’s dead”, because this information will a) be devastating or literally unbelievable to poor Harry and b) in the absence of outside cues, he will forget this fact in two to five minutes. It is better to ask him what he is trying to accomplish by calling her. That sometimes will tell you what’s going on in his head. Then you can say, “Well, I know she’s not anywhere she can get phone coverage, but she’s OK. Don’t worry about it”, or “Oh, yes, she was always famous for her cooking, but she can’t cook for you tonight. You’re going to be eating with us, tonight, instead. We hope it is OK. Nothing will ever compare to her cooking, but it can’t be helped. We’ll have to muddle through.” Or “No, I know for certain that she doesn’t need a ride home. She’s just fine where she is. You can relax about that. It is all taken care of.”

If the person is just a muddle-headed gossip, they usually get a reputation to match. Try not to be too hard on them when you offer corrections. You want to achieve the raising of doubt in the listeners without causing a row. If they think his or her story has some validity, they’ll know to ask you, but the chances are that they’ll know what they’re hearing by your manner of offering correction, will take it with a huge grain of salt, and won’t need you to elaborate exactly on all the ways in which the information is off the mark.