Dealing with suffering

[barbfromtucson]

For the past few years, I’ve been suffering from IBS-like condition. I’m not ‘officially’ diagnosed with IBS, but the doctors (I’ve been to a number of them) have ruled out Celiac, Crohns, Divirticulosis, parasites, etc.

Since discovering that milk/dairy flares it up really bad and then eliminating that from my diet, it’s gotten a lot better. But it’s still a big pain in the behind (both literally and figuratively).

I am NOT writing for medical advice/suggestions!!! I’m on other forums for that.

I haven’t lost my belief in God. Over the past 4 years, I’ve actually, in some ways, have felt my faith grow through all of this. However, on the other hand, sometimes I feel hopelessness coming on, especially when the health-issue acts up.

I’ve gone through stages of doubt, being angry at God, asking why, how much longer… and “if you loved me, why won’t you heal me…”

I logically know there’s a purpose behind it and that I should “offer it up”…I’m usually offering it up for those who suffer from digestive disorders or for souls in purgatory.

I’m always praying for healing. I go to Adoration as much as possible. I try to go to Mass more than just on Sundays. But I also have a full-time job, and have to be careful as to how much stuff I do outside of work–because stress will cause me to have a flare up.

I have some friends who tell me that my faith is not strong enough, because if I am praying for healing (as well as having been prayed for/over by others) and not being healed, then it’s obvious that my faith is weak.

I am also frequently told that I need to have more trust that I won’t get ‘sick’ when I go out. I have a hard time with this, because I logically know that if my health situation flares up, I will need to get to a bathroom. If the result of a flareup didn’t have external consequences (I’m trying not to be ‘graphic’), this wouldn’t be quite the issue.

I maintain that I have more faith/trust then I think I have because I’ve been suffering from this for 4+ years, and yet, I’m still going to Mass, I’m still trying/desiring to grow in my Faith, and, even though I’ve had moments of doubt all along, I’m still pluggin’ away.

Right now (this moment), I feel pretty strong in my walk. However, I have felt myself becoming discouraged the longer it goes with no diagnosis/treatment/cure. The doctors that I have gone to have all told me what I don’t have…but none seem to be able to tell me what I do have. I’ve taken IBS medication with no effect. I’ve taken pro-biotics (including Align) with no effect. If this is something I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life, I see myself checking into a mental institution!!!

Is there anyone else there on this forum that suffers from this type of illness and what do you do to keep your faith growing/strong?

Thanks,

Barbara

 

[Berean2]

[snipped]Is there anyone else there on this forum that suffers from this type of illness and what do you do to keep your faith growing/strong?

Barb, don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking that you’re not praying enough/don’t have enough faith, whatever. Just think about Job: he was the most righteous man on the planet at that time, and yet he suffered horribly, and his “friends” put a guilt trip on him (“You’ve got unconfessed sin!” Yada, yada…). But God proved them wrong, and He wasn’t pleased with the way they were treating Job.

I worked for 9 years with the incurable & untreatable chronic illness I’ve got (dysfunctional limbic system in the brain), until it finally felled me in '90 (no, I’m not a ghost; I mean that I can no longer support myself). It is natural & normal for dusty creatures (humans) with a chronic illness or permanent deformity to go thru all sorts of inner struggles: fear, confusion, doubts (about self and about the LORD), anger (not just @ God, but also @ others for not understanding, or being glib), frustration, tears—you name it. (Even Jesus Himself asked the Father to take the cup from Him! And remember, He knows what it’s like to suffer! In the Psalms, it says, “In all their afflictions, He was afflicted.”) And yes, sometimes I had moments of despair (“God, how on earth will I be able to keep working till retirement age?!”), and even now, at times I get really panicky about the future (financially). But that’s where the one-day-at-a-time approach comes in (which is very hard for me, bec. as an INTJ, I’m a contingency person: always thinking/planning ahead, always trying to be responsible and not cause anyone any problems, etc. etc. I feel threatened when I’m not in control).

I find that I need to do my own “therapy” (in addition, of course, to prayer and worship): 1. In the beginning (right after I was finally diagnosed, in '90), it was really encouraging to go to a meeting of fellow sufferers and find out that all the weird stuff I had been undergoing (increasingly) for 9 years straight was part’n parcel of my illness; it was a relief to find out I wasn’t losing my marbles, LOL! (Or, even worse, that I was turning into a sluggard, bec. this condition involves severe physical and cognitive exhaustion.) 2. Do things that encourage you and help you to sense His goodness: in my case that means, working with my hands; creating beauty; listening to classical music; taking walks whenever the carcuss [sic] permits; sitting out on my patio, under the trees, soaking up His handiwork (sounds, sights, smells); reading stimulating essays or books; playing with my rabbit; feeding the feathered folk @ the lake. I need to keep my mind off the Kafka Disease (my name for the durn disorder) as much as possible, bec. like you say, it can drive you nuts. Or, to use a forum term, “I push the ignore button for the K.D.” 3. Lower your expectations of yourself and of life: if you can’t do as much, then don’t push your poor body; when I do, it always takes revenge on me, so over these 20 years, I’ve learned to just humor it (like some cranky toddler, sigh) and “play ball” with it, to get the maximal cooperation (however paltry). It has not come easy, bec. “doing” is etched into every cell of my being: I was a high achiever; accomplishment was/is my meat; productivity & creativity are my “high.” 4. As much as possible, I try to refocus on what still is positive in my life (aka thankfulness for all that ISn’t wrong).

(If you want to p.m. me, feel free.)



PS: Chocolate is my weakness, too.

 

[Lifeisawesome]

Dear Friend,

I am sorry to hear about your suffering. I do understand and share your suffering along with too many others including chronic pain, multiple surgeries etc. I have found a great deal of comfort reading two things:

1. Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. Jean Pierre de Caussade and
2. The Biography of Therese of Lisieux entitled “Story of a Soul”

I have also spent a good deal of time meditating on the sufferings of Christ and our ability to participate in his redemptive of the world. I often feel as if, because of my sufferings, I have a great many gifts to give to others (as you indicated - “offering it up”)

I pray that you will come to know him more fully through your suffering and his.

Pax Christi