Now that being said if we were a gay couple I don’t know that we would handle it so well. Right now his family doesn’t approve because we aren’t legally joined together, that’s it. If we were gay the objection would come down to who we are and the very nature of our relationship, that would be much, much different.Some folks are just mellower about these issues, I guess. I can see both sides of it, honestly. And a whole lot depends on how the message is delivered. Sometimes, it’s hard to lay down the rules of the house and say that unmarried couples need to sleep apart, without making it sound like you disapprove of them sleeping together anywhere else. The latter is a deeper judgment about someone’s life choices, and that certainly has the potential to rub people the wrong way.
Not saying this is what happened in AnneTeresa’s case - maybe the daughter was going to have a problem no matter how the message got delivered.
And still others would handle it with aplomb - just the way it sounds like you did it.
My sister is 24 and she can’t stay in the same room as her boyfriend while they are at my parents house. And they are straight.My wife and I are dealing with a child (22) who has been a professed homosexual for about four years. We have always loved them and supported them as a person and been respectful toward their significant other when they came in to our home. They know what our feelings about it but this year will be different in that they want to visit for the Christmas holiday period and want to stay in their own room as a regular “couple”. There are already tears flowing and some pretty bitter statements made about how I look at this and even though I have reiterated our love for our child there are some very hurt feelings on their part. Now we are not sure they will even come as it was asked that they have seperate rooms while here since we do not “approve” of this lifestyle. We have told them it is their choice and they must deal with God on that issue and we pray for them constantly. Now the old issues are thrown back at us about Christians and their hypocritical lives , divorce, etc etc. As we have told them , we are constantly trying to become better Christians and followers of Christ and it is an ongoing pursuit but this doesnt seem to even phase the issue with them. So , we do not know what to do. Try and keep our connection with this child by accepting this condition or do we stand our ground on our principles and risk losing them forever. There are few other Christian influences in their lives and I am worried . Any suggestions ? Even our pastor has been confused on what the best course of action is.
Luke 18do we stand our ground on our principles and risk losing them forever.
You must not have been round long on here, that’s the equivalent of a thumbtack (people here are seriously rough).I appreciate it. This forum isn’t for me though. I’m not a fan of being attacked on the internet, no matter what the poster’s intent was. Not the way I’ve been raised to speak, and certainly not the “Catholic” way.
They do convey exactly what the Church means.And the use of those particular words in those particular documents is not intended to be limiting.
So what about what is socially acceptable? If you were in Rwanda in 1994 would you go along with what was going on?Because times change. This isn’t a matter of changing doctrine, but a change of what’s socially acceptable.
Good response, I agree, and you do not have to justify your Christian convictions to anybody.Hmmm, I see a potential problem here though with some of the responses. It seems as if the focus here is on an unmarried couple sharing a room. But while this is true, consider this-if they were to get married, would it suddenly become okay to share a room?
Being in a relationship that is a mockery of marriage and sleeping together is actually worse. But if you tell them that the problem is them being an unmarried couple, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do when you have to explain that the REAL problem is that they’re a homosexual couple.
I think it might be a good idea if you make it clear that them being a homosexual couple is your issue-deal with this particular issue now instead of having it cause problems later.
What happened in Rwanda was wrong because mass genocide and rape is wrong in every society. It’s not something subject to change. But the social mores regarding romance and friendship aren’t moral issues.So what about what is socially acceptable? If you were in Rwanda in 1994 would you go along with what was going on?
The view of what is romance has changed substantially.What happened in Rwanda was wrong because mass genocide and rape is wrong in every society. It’s not something subject to change. But the social mores regarding romance and friendship aren’t moral issues.
I mean, in Athens athletes used to run naked. Does that mean if an athlete in the Olympics decides he wants to run the race in the nude we should be okay with that because at one time social mores were different? Times change. What constitutes romance, and friendship, now is clearly different from what constituted romance and friendship in the past, and I think everybody knows that.
This is really common sense. It’s not even controversial. I’m just saying that friends should act like friends and not romantic partners.
Exactly.The view of what is romance has changed substantially.
Morally they can do most things a romantically involved couple can.Exactly.
i reckon this is simple. It’s your house. Guests must observe your house rules. Your son is now a guest when he visits. You will give him more “privileges” than other guests but he should obey your rules. Let him and his partner come but stay in separate rooms. When I met my wife we were both uni students. We lived together for a while and my mum didn’t like it and she’d never let us share a room. I think your son is trying to turn his viisit home for Xmas into a gay rights issue. He shouldn’t do it. He should respect his parents wishes.My wife and I are dealing with a child (22) who has been a professed homosexual for about four years. We have always loved them and supported them as a person and been respectful toward their significant other when they came in to our home. They know what our feelings about it but this year will be different in that they want to visit for the Christmas holiday period and want to stay in their own room as a regular “couple”. There are already tears flowing and some pretty bitter statements made about how I look at this and even though I have reiterated our love for our child there are some very hurt feelings on their part. Now we are not sure they will even come as it was asked that they have seperate rooms while here since we do not “approve” of this lifestyle. We have told them it is their choice and they must deal with God on that issue and we pray for them constantly. Now the old issues are thrown back at us about Christians and their hypocritical lives , divorce, etc etc. As we have told them , we are constantly trying to become better Christians and followers of Christ and it is an ongoing pursuit but this doesnt seem to even phase the issue with them. So , we do not know what to do. Try and keep our connection with this child by accepting this condition or do we stand our ground on our principles and risk losing them forever. There are few other Christian influences in their lives and I am worried . Any suggestions ? Even our pastor has been confused on what the best course of action is.
Yes, and that does not exclude other terms.They do convey exactly what the Church means.
As long as they don’t give scandal to people by making them think they’re a romantically involved couple.Morally they can do most things a romantically involved couple can.
I want to share with you one very important thing. I, a gay male, went through similar predicaments with my parents. On one hand, they told me they loved me; on the other hand, they always used their religion to justify treating us differently. As opposed to live and let live, they did what you are doing know and making us feel different.Now we are not sure they will even come as it was asked that they have seperate rooms while here since we do not “approve” of this lifestyle.
He you considered he may have been taught that Christmas is about family and he feels insulted by being treated as less than a couple? There is always more than one perspective.i reckon this is simple. It’s your house. Guests must observe your house rules. Your son is now a guest when he visits. You will give him more “privileges” than other guests but he should obey your rules. Let him and his partner come but stay in separate rooms. When I met my wife we were both uni students. We lived together for a while and my mum didn’t like it and she’d never let us share a room. I think your son is trying to turn his viisit home for Xmas into a gay rights issue. He shouldn’t do it. He should respect his parents wishes.
To use the term “same sex attraction” all too often introduces a false precision bias into the conversation where the person using that term will have a tendency to accuse a person who uses the term homosexual or homosexuality of implying something when they don’t.Yes, and that does not exclude other terms.
You all keep using that word. I do not think it means what you all think it means.As long as they don’t give scandal to people by making them think they’re a romantically involved couple.
Ethan, I think that this perspective, although interesting and touching, is deceptive. When you **chose **to become gay, *you *were the person changing, not your parents. They (from the sound of it) were always against homosexuality, and *you *went against that.Just an Important Note to EVERY Parent Here
I felt compelled to make an account after stumbling upon this thread, and I will say 1 thing to the OP:
I want to share with you one very important thing. I, a gay male, went through similar predicaments with my parents. On one hand, they told me they loved me; on the other hand, they always used their religion to justify treating us differently. As opposed to live and let live, they did what you are doing know and making us feel different.
Each time, tears came down our faces as we traded words, I kept coming back to my parents despite the different treatment, I loved them to death. I reminiscence about the times me and my mom would go shopping when all my other siblings didn’t feel like going, all the great times we had.
One day, we went through a similar predicament during Christmas…which is bringing back tears as I write this, but I had to share. When my siblings and I visited my parents house during Christmas, they apparently didn’t approve of us staying in room together, they insisted we either sleep in different rooms as unfortunately, in their words, they “didn’t feel comfortable with it”
At that point, I had enough
When I walked out the door that particular Christmas with my boyfriend, I never came back, ever. It’s been 7 long years and they’ve tried to contact me on various occasions, even pleading with my siblings, but I will never, ever, ever, ever…so help me God, EVER, speak to them again. I only hope that the pain they caused me that day lives in their hearts forever.
So just think about before you decide to do such a thing. Remember, you will reap what you sew.
Even the Catholic church takes the stand that gay is not a choice.Ethan, I think that this perspective, although interesting and touching, is deceptive. When you **chose **to become gay, *you *were the person changing, not your parents. They (from the sound of it) were always against homosexuality, and *you *went against that.
Then you looked for affirmation from them, fully knowing that they would not favor *your *choice.
You say that they “treated you differently.” This is another misconception frequently espoused by the homosexual agenda. *You *changed, they didn’t! Did you expect that your actions would change your parents and force them to accept you?
Their religious beliefs give them an obligation to show and act out their beliefs. Did you think they wanted to look unfavorably at you? Of course not, but you forced them to.
Furthermore, who made the seperation between you and your parents? YOU did. You are the person who has rejected any connection between you and them, even when they have attempted to reconnect with you.
It doesn’t sound like they don’t care about and hate you. It sounds like you are a cruel person who has chosen to torture your parents with the thought that they caused a separation, when really **you **did. Your own cruelty and hate have brought on this terrible situation.
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I had to say it in order to make sure your “testimonial” did not confuse other well-meaning people on this thread.
I did not say that. I said that it was his choice to:Even the Catholic church takes the stand that gay is not a choice.
Ethan, I think that this perspective, although interesting and touching, is deceptive. When you chose to become gay, you were the person changing, not your parents. They (from the sound of it) were always against homosexuality, and you went against that.
A choice!?Then you looked for affirmation from them, fully knowing that they would not favor your choice.
Homosexual agenda? Perhaps I shouldn’t blame you for this indoctrination, but rather Fox News or Rush Limbaugh. I suppose if “being loved and accepted by my parents” is a homosexuality agenda, then consider me guilty.You say that they “treated you differently.” This is another misconception frequently espoused by the homosexual agenda.
That’s fine. Honestly if they see him finding a partner and starting a family as imposing “gay ideas” on them then he is better off not being a part of that family.I did not say that. I said that it was his choice to:
Furthermore, the Church says that temptations of a homosexual nature and/or inclinations towards that are natural (not a choice) so you are correct on that. However, it IS a choice to act on these inclinations, therefore sinning in the eyes of God. It may not be sinful to have the temptation, but it is sinful (and a choice) to act on that temptation.
- Try and impose his gay ideas on his parents, after he knew that they did not favor homosexuality.
- Make a big deal out of them not “accepting him”
- and leave for 7 years with absolutely no contact whatsoever.