I would say if he placed so much importance on college work then why did he put himself in the position in the first place. Catholic dating is supposed to be discernment for marriage. If he knew he wasn’t going to marry you just now then he should have said so.
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Xantippe
Guest
If literally true, that would be very difficult to live with longterm.
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starchick21
Guest
He’s not Catholic. Anyway, when we were having the breakup conversation, he told me that when we first started dating, he was so happy and it was a very good thing for him. He just had no idea that his schedule would get this crazy. I’m inclined to believe the guy. He’s East Asian, and we all know how important work is to them in general.
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stanncie
Guest
Even if all he’s telling you is true you have to ask yourself if you are willing to marry someone who has this mentality. If he’s East Asian and his family is very traditional they might not even approve of him marrying someone that is not of his own race. Plus the fact that he’s not catholic is even more of a hurdle. Sorry OP I see a lot of problems with this relationship:shrug:
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Demetra2
Guest
So sorry Starchick that you are going through a breakup. Almost everyone will experience this and it really hurts for a while. But you will get over him and move on to meet the person who is truly right for you. At this point in time it isn’t this young man. Engineering is a very tough major so perhaps he is being honest that he has to focus on his academic work. And young men in college tend to be immature. That being said it is NOT a good idea to remain friends with him because you will only be doing so in the false hope that he will be your boyfriend again. Please don’t do that to yourself. Go on and live your life joyfully and get involved in school and anything that is of interest to you other than him ,of course. Pick yourself up and “carry on” with a smile on your face and start to date others. Make it well known that you are available to your friends but don’t act desperate. You will meet the right person someday and you will be glad this ended rather quickly. Good luck and try not to worry. Just trust in God and try to enjoy every day.
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underacloud
Guest
Starchick21, compare what you said above with what Xantippe said. Do you want to spend your life being priority #2 (or worse)?
Now, here is the good news. You’re actually closer to finding your future spouse (God willing) than you were before. It doesn’t feel that way, but it’s true.
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1ke
Guest
I think you are rationalizing. You want it to be some other reason besides “not into you”. Understandable, but not helpful.
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E_7
Guest
I second this!
My little sister is graduating high school this May, and she is still in a relationship with this guy for 3+ years and he has broken up with her 3 times lately, but they got together again. And I remember in the 3rd break up that I told her that she needs to rediscover herself, to grow, to know what she likes and what she doesn’t like, to have a personality, to have friends! But…sigh…anyway, it is a toxic relationship.
To the OP, if I were you, broken and all, I wouldn’t text him, nor be friends with him. I would do my best to become a better person, change myself for the best, and if we happen to cross path, he will regret letting me go.
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thephilosopher6
Guest
Eh, stuff happens. It sucks. But you’ll move on. You’re young. There are plenty of guys out there. Just pray you find the right one.
If he’s not Catholic, then besides any other issues, the difference of faith will be a very large one, assuming you wish to practice your faith and raise any kids in the faith.
It’s much easier to keep the faith if you date/marry only catholic guys. I would say if you want a Catholic family, look for a catholic spouse.
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ToeInTheWater
Guest
I think that, while not all East Asian men conform to the “workaholic” stereotype, if this particular man does, then he very well may have discerned that you needed more from a romantic relationship than he could or wanted to give. While arranged marriages are not as common in East Asian countries as they used to be, many people from East Asian cultures, view marriage as a much more pragmatic relationship. This doesn’t mean they don’t value love and affection at all. But the idea that a married couple, even one in a “love marriage”, need to spend as much time physically together as possible, would strike them as very odd. Also, many such families do raise their children to work hard in school, and find dating in high school, or even college, to be a frivolous distraction.Even if all he’s telling you is true you have to ask yourself if you are willing to marry someone who has this mentality. If he’s East Asian and his family is very traditional they might not even approve of him marrying someone that is not of his own race. Plus the fact that he’s not catholic is even more of a hurdle. Sorry OP I see a lot of problems with this relationship:shrug:
I wouldn’t even say this “hard work” mentality is wrong. Indeed, many conservative Christians, who are not Asian, believe a mother should stay home with the kids, and not work outside the home, unless it is absolutely financially necessary. They would find it commendable, even heroic, that a man work as much as physically possible to support his family, perhaps taking a second job, or just doing a lot of over time, even if he doesn’t actually see them much. But this might not be the kind of marriage you’re looking for.
It’s also possible that he never really meant for the relationship to be seriously leading to marriage and family. Now. “East Asian” people living in the US are much more “Americanized” than, say, South Asians, and I’ve seen many more inter-racial marriages involving East Asians than South Asians. People from both cultures may date casually outside the culture, but when it comes to marriage, they often prefer to marry within their own culture.
I think this might be especially true for the men. I have met many couples where the woman is Asian and the man isn’t, but only one couple where the husband was Asian and the woman wasn’t.
So, the “too busy with studying” reason might not just be an excuse, but it still may indicate that this man has a different perspective on what dating and marriage means, and realized he and the OP were too different when it came to what their expectations were.
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
Be thankful you had a relationship for 5 months. More people than you know have NEVER had a relationship ever once in their lives. Never once. And I am talking about grown adults who are hurting over this fact. More exist than you probably know. I know that does not make the pain go away. Thinking about how you have been fortunate even though it ended in break up probably is the last thing you want to do but reflect on it when you are less hurting. Time will heal this. Longest it took me to get over a woman was 11 months. Maybe it will be sooner for you. Better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all as cliche as that sounds. Dont put too much stock in feelings. Feelings can be wrong. How many times in your life have you had a “feeling” about something and you were wrong? Maybe this guy will get back with you in the future and your “feeling” may prove to be right. But truthfully, you could be wrong too. Regardless, I know the hurt you are going through. Been there myself. Time is all that can heal you.
I recommend cutting ties with him better than staying friends. That will hurt more in the beginning but it will help you heal quicker in the long run.
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