Dealing with the public frustrations

[Brian_Millar]

I don’t want this to come out wrong, but I get rather frustrated from time to time, in fact, most times, when I have to deal with the public.

It’s like, they are simply not living up to their potential, they are only partially there, you order something and they forget it 5 seconds later and what you get, nobody takes pride in at all. It’s like their hearts are not into their work, they would rather be somewhere else and I see so many people that go through life with blinders on. I think to myself, surely you want more out of life, surely simply coasting through it cannot possibly provide satisfaction to any degree. There are times when it becomes really bad, like cell phone annie that’s not looking where she’s going on the road, becoming a serious liability to others, living in a fake reality and not taking what’s she’s doing seriously enough to know the damage she can cause simply by not paying attention.

I then deal with the business world, employees and employers not being honest, trying to “get one over” thinking they are smart for taking advantage of others, and patting themselves on the back for having destroyed someone’s life. I’ve had alot of clients do that to me as well, a tremendous amount, to the point I decided I no longer wanted to be self employed so I shut down my business. To expand in that area, I find the most successful people in business are also the most ruthless and self centered.

I then deal with women that try to manipulate and control me, thinking they can play upon my emotions to do their bidding, because that’s how they handle all of the men around them. For some reason I’ve had alot of them try that card with me, yet they end up realizing they are not going to get anywhere with me, and from there, they turn on me in the process visciously.

I look at these people, knowing full well their intent, and I tend to keep what I know entirely to myself; people are much more transparent then they realize, at least in my eyes, and there are times when I just don’t want to deal with any of them, because in a nutshell, they honestly don’t care about anything except for the fantasy world they live in, yet I very much do and I live in the real world, seeing the facts as plain as day, knowing how much better things can be in this world if people can start to look beyond themselves and realize, they can be so much more then what they are.

Am I alone on this? Do I have to take major medication and get a few blows to my head to dumb down my thought process to the level of a slug just to fit in better? Or am I just asking too much from people, is this all that society is and what it’s about? I see too many that are only into themselves, if it doesn’t benifet them directly, they want nothing to do with it, is chairity dead? Is integrity dead? It sure seems that way with most of society these days.

 

[Dori1]

I don’t think you have to sustain head injury to get along in the world. I agree that the majority of people in this age, are self centered and selfish. There are, however, those who are of good character. They may be few and far between, but they do exist. These are the ones who generally look tired because they are picking up the slack for those around them. They sometimes appear care worn, but may also have a gleam in their eye that belies their age. They seem to have energy that everyone else lacks. This is the ten percent that does ninety percent of the work in churches and businesses. They are hard to find because they don’t blow their own horns and advertise their virtue. They don’t talk about their works, they just do it. (Except perhaps when they are exhausted and distraught at the lack of ethical standards in those around them).
Life won't seem like such a grey desert if you make it your business to seek out and recognize those who live their faith, and those who hold high standards. Try tipping 100% to someone who goes out of their way to provide excellent service (it feels good)! Try writing a commendation for someone not in your department who did a great job. Sometimes pointing out to these rare people that "hey, I recognize your effort even if no one else does" can lift a burden from the shoulders of someone who shoulders too much. They do exist, rare as they may be. Remember, precious gems are precious because they are rare. That's what keeps me "sane" in dealing with the world.

 

[Trishie]

Good response, Dori.

I do understand, Brian, my husband has a similar response to you and I know it makes his life painful and difficult at times…not excluding his well-meaning but imperfect wife!

 

[puzzleannie]

I don’tAm I alone on this? Do I have to take major medication and get a few blows to my head to dumb down my thought process to the level of a slug just to fit in better? .

no, but you do have to realize one thing for your peace of mind. you cannot change anyone else. you can only change yourself and that is a lifelong job and requires all your time and energy, so you can’t spend it agonizing about the actions of other people. Let it go. breathe. whoosh. in. whoooh. out. breathe.

there now

turn your focus where it belongs, on your relationship with Jesus Christ and that fast track to growth there is the very tradtional narrow way of Mass, prayer, fasting, alms and acts of charity, penance, reading scripture, and frequent recourse to the sacraments.

if you have job that involves interaction with the public, and it is causing you too much stress, either learn to deal or change jobs. But that is a short term fix and won’t help you in the long run. Treat every single person who comes your way as is he or she were Christ, and your interpersonal problems will quickly evaporate.

 

[vee8]

To the OP I can understand how you feel / what you are getting at, and I would ask are you a practicing Catholic? Confession every month or two, and Eucharist every Sunday? If the answer is no then do both of those first, if the answer is yes you need to pray more.

I used to feel like you sound in your post, then I restarted going to church, and living my life properly and I calmed down a lot. I also started praying for people who ticked me off. Pray for people who annoy you because maybe God needs your prayers to change that persons life.

 

[fhansen]

It’s all frustrating but very much proves the Church’s doctrine on Original Sin.We’re not supposed to fit in or conform to this world but it’s also very difficult to be on the outside. It’s obvious that charity and integrity are relative-and not mandatory-virtues for humans until the final end. Meanwhile many get away with whatever they think they can. I look at it more and more as a cross I must bear-and learn from-in dealing with the world’s lack of love- not to mention my own failings in that area.

 

[blessedtoo]

There isn’t a one of us, Christian or otherwise, who can claim immunity to frustration with others, no matter how pious we may be. If you expect excellence of yourself, you tend to also expect it from others. But such high standards may not be entirely fair. You said:

I look at these people, knowing full well their intent, and I tend to keep what I know entirely to myself; people are much more transparent then they realize, at least in my eyes

But the truth is you don’t know anyone’s intent, nor do you know what the gal on the cell phone has been dealing with all day or who she might be talking to (maybe a family emergency). We don’t know why the waitress can’t remember we asked for diet Pepsi or why business associates dabble in unethical practices. To assume we know is to make an unfair judgement of another.

I also highly doubt that we are all free of guilt from any number of these offenses ourselves.

If you have been blessed with a desire to strive for excellence in your life and work, then strive for more compassion and empathy when dealing with others.

 

[tessi]

they honestly don’t care about anything except for the fantasy world they live in, yet I very much do and I live in the real world, seeing the facts as plain as day,

That sounds arrogant. You are not to judge whether they live in a fantasy world or a real one.

 

[KingAlfred]

I don’t want this to come out wrong, but I get rather frustrated from time to time, in fact, most times, when I have to deal with the public.

It’s like, they are simply not living up to their potential, they are only partially there, you order something and they forget it 5 seconds later and what you get, nobody takes pride in at all. It’s like their hearts are not into their work, they would rather be somewhere else and I see so many people that go through life with blinders on. I think to myself, surely you want more out of life, surely simply coasting through it cannot possibly provide satisfaction to any degree. There are times when it becomes really bad, like cell phone annie that’s not looking where she’s going on the road, becoming a serious liability to others, living in a fake reality and not taking what’s she’s doing seriously enough to know the damage she can cause simply by not paying attention.

I then deal with the business world, employees and employers not being honest, trying to “get one over” thinking they are smart for taking advantage of others, and patting themselves on the back for having destroyed someone’s life. I’ve had alot of clients do that to me as well, a tremendous amount, to the point I decided I no longer wanted to be self employed so I shut down my business. To expand in that area, I find the most successful people in business are also the most ruthless and self centered.

I then deal with women that try to manipulate and control me, thinking they can play upon my emotions to do their bidding, because that’s how they handle all of the men around them. For some reason I’ve had alot of them try that card with me, yet they end up realizing they are not going to get anywhere with me, and from there, they turn on me in the process visciously.

I look at these people, knowing full well their intent, and I tend to keep what I know entirely to myself; people are much more transparent then they realize, at least in my eyes, and there are times when I just don’t want to deal with any of them, because in a nutshell, they honestly don’t care about anything except for the fantasy world they live in, yet I very much do and I live in the real world, seeing the facts as plain as day, knowing how much better things can be in this world if people can start to look beyond themselves and realize, they can be so much more then what they are.

Am I alone on this? Do I have to take major medication and get a few blows to my head to dumb down my thought process to the level of a slug just to fit in better? Or am I just asking too much from people, is this all that society is and what it’s about? I see too many that are only into themselves, if it doesn’t benifet them directly, they want nothing to do with it, is chairity dead? Is integrity dead? It sure seems that way with most of society these days.

Think of Jesus’ ‘frustration’ with society. It cost Him His life.

 

[Brian_Millar]

Thanks for the advice, it’s showing I’m not alone here. I do get surprized sometimes when people don’t react as expected, those rare times they overcome the temptation to take advantage of others, but at the same time, I’ve noticed too many patterns. An important part about knowing someones intent is reading their body language, and even their words give themselves away, they just seem to blurt out things that completely blow their cover and they think I don’t catch on to it.

I am a practicing Catholic, when I’m at church, I don’t deal with these frustrations, but I, like most of everybody else are there for a completely different reason.

Not apprieciating the arrogant statement, I clearly pointed out, not to get me wrong on this. Take for example, you are waiting in line and the cashier instead of doing their job, decides it’s time to chat with a co-worker, or is on the phone with a personal phone call instead of taking care of their clients. In their minds, their world takes priority over yours, they have no concept of the fact, that there are others waiting in line that have their own lives and duties to attend. I hope that clarifies that one up a bit, I can expand if you don’t understand.

Again, thanks for your advice.

 

[Rachel_J]

TTake for example, you are waiting in line and the cashier instead of doing their job, decides it’s time to chat with a co-worker, or is on the phone with a personal phone call instead of taking care of their clients. In their minds, their world takes priority over yours, they have no concept of the fact, that there are others waiting in line that have their own lives and duties to attend. I hope that clarifies that one up a bit, I can expand if you don’t understand.

I work in hospitality and I often get looks from customers that suggest they think I should be focusing on them rather than what I am doing. Usually they are wrong. When I am at work, I work and that conversation I am engaged in is more important than them. If only because of “first in, first served”. Sometimes it is a customer, sometimes my boss going through an important problem, sometimes it is another department trying to help another customer. When I’m not talking to someone I am usually doing something that is important and unfortunately been open 13 hours every day menas that I can only do these things whilst we’re open.

There are people in service that focus on personal matters rather than the customer. That however is not always the case - and in my experience it is not what they do normally. Remember these people are just people. They make mistakes, and they deal with customers who want 100% every time, all the time and when they don’t receive feel it is a-okay to glare, abuse or bully.

I’ve been abused for not serving a customer when I was trying to fix my ovens (neither were working in the middle of our busiest night of the week). I serve them better by fixing my ovens and letting my staff deal with those waiting (I am the manager and my staff can’t arrange for my ovens to be fixed).

Want good service? Tip well, always be polite, positive and friendly (especially when there is a problem) and be a regular. And remember you don’t know what is going on these peoples lives - be a blessing not a curse.

[/soapbox].

 

[Sheeniac]

God loves you. He is giving you the opportunity to learn and develop patience. It is incredibly difficult to do, but learning to see the good in others is worthwhile. And when you can’t see it, to have faith that it exists.

I get frustrated as you do, but I try to look past it. That’s not always easy to do with virtual strangers (in commercial transactions, for example). However, I know a lot really good and wonderful people. So much of how you interpret the world depends on your outlook and what you look for. We all have our faults, as you point out. However, we all have our virtues and good points. Start looking for the good in everyone, and while you may not find it everywhere, you will find it more and more often.

 

[Brian_Millar]

I work in hospitality and I often get looks from customers that suggest they think I should be focusing on them rather than what I am doing. Usually they are wrong. When I am at work, I work and that conversation I am engaged in is more important than them. If only because of “first in, first served”. Sometimes it is a customer, sometimes my boss going through an important problem, sometimes it is another department trying to help another customer. When I’m not talking to someone I am usually doing something that is important and unfortunately been open 13 hours every day menas that I can only do these things whilst we’re open.

There are people in service that focus on personal matters rather than the customer. That however is not always the case - and in my experience it is not what they do normally. Remember these people are just people. They make mistakes, and they deal with customers who want 100% every time, all the time and when they don’t receive feel it is a-okay to glare, abuse or bully.

I’ve been abused for not serving a customer when I was trying to fix my ovens (neither were working in the middle of our busiest night of the week). I serve them better by fixing my ovens and letting my staff deal with those waiting (I am the manager and my staff can’t arrange for my ovens to be fixed).

Want good service? Tip well, always be polite, positive and friendly (especially when there is a problem) and be a regular. And remember you don’t know what is going on these peoples lives - be a blessing not a curse.

[/soapbox].

I’m talking about when they are goofing off, or talking about nonsense when they should be doing their job, not when they are discussing something necessary for the function of their job. I can elaborate on this one, seeing people literally reading a book while they are driving, can you honestly say they are living in the real world, or a fantasy one? Stuff like that, is what I’m talking about, don’t try to create an argument from nothing.

 

[KingAlfred]

In my profession, the harder you work, and the more success you experience, the more your colleagues envy, back-stab, and spread lies about you. Yet they’ll smile to your face, and act as though they’re your friends when in your presence. It’s a world in which passive-aggressive behavior is the norm and a required skill, unfortunately. The good news is that coworker-relations are not the focal point of the job.

 

[Brian_Millar]

In my profession, the harder you work, and the more success you experience, the more your colleagues envy, back-stab, and spread lies about you. Yet they’ll smile to your face, and act as though they’re your friends when in your presence. It’s a world in which passive-aggressive behavior is the norm and a required skill, unfortunately. The good news is that coworker-relations are not the focal point of the job.

Thank you, I know exactly where you are coming from. We were raised to work hard, take care of the company and it will take care of you. In the modern world though, working hard is rocking the boat in most cases, people would rather be retired on the job, clock in and out, and call it good, not thinking about the well being of the place they work for. What they don’t realize is that their positions in theory should advance as the company advances. The catch here in many cases though, especially if you are working for a large corporate chain, they opt to find someone that’s willing to work for a lesser wage to replace you, not even thinking about the productivity you as a hard worker are producing.

To elaborate, I’ve worked at places where the owner was desperately needing motivated employees, and after taking the initiave and given the freedom to improve effiecency, ended up being able to lighten their load on payroll because the bench warmers were no longer needed. At the same time, I’ve dealt with doing this at the bottom of the ladder, only to find, that since I was the first person to take the job seriously, they did not want to advance me, for fear that they would have to go back to the way things were because I was no longer in that position.

 

[tessi]

Take for example, you are waiting in line and the cashier instead of doing their job, decides it’s time to chat with a co-worker, or is on the phone with a personal phone call instead of taking care of their clients.

I understand what you say but you don’t seem to realize that you are judging other people’s behaviour based on appearance, you don’t know their intentions. Saint Therese of Lisieux tells in her book that one day, on purpose, she took more time to change to be late and that way give the chance to other nun to do a certain nice task, everybody thought she was being lazy, they misjudged her.
What if that personal call was to relieve someone’s pain?

 

[Brian_Millar]

tessi, Girl, please stop trying to create an argument with me, find someone else to fight with. I don’t want to create the “she only want’s to argue for no reason” thread just for you to vent your frustrations on. If you don’t get my point by now, you never will…

Peace, Brian

 

[Sheeniac]

In my profession, the harder you work, and the more success you experience, the more your colleagues envy, back-stab, and spread lies about you. Yet they’ll smile to your face, and act as though they’re your friends when in your presence. It’s a world in which passive-aggressive behavior is the norm and a required skill, unfortunately. The good news is that coworker-relations are not the focal point of the job.

I have to ask - what is your profession? I am a consultant working in financial software implementation. I can work with some really tough clients and coworkers. But, for the most part, people are pretty decent overall. Sorry to hear your experiences have been different. I’ve worked for many well-known companies… what I do isn’t cheap (although the company makes the big money, not me). Yes, there are dysfunctional people and places, but for the most part, I’ve respected more people than I haven’t.

 

[Brian_Millar]

I found it more prevolent in the blue collar sector myself.

 

[KingAlfred]

I have to ask - what is your profession? I am a consultant working in financial software implementation. I can work with some really tough clients and coworkers. But, for the most part, people are pretty decent overall. Sorry to hear your experiences have been different. I’ve worked for many well-known companies… what I do isn’t cheap (although the company makes the big money, not me). Yes, there are dysfunctional people and places, but for the most part, I’ve respected more people than I haven’t.

I’m a high school teacher. ‘Cattiness’ and colleague jealousy are common fare in teaching, as every teacher wants to believe he or she is the best. Also, we tend to become what we interact with the most, which means a lot teachers regress to adolescence in the way they behave out of class. They form into klicks and gossip like crazy about everyone else. But again…teaching isn’t about colleagues. It’s about kids. They’re the focus, thankfully. When I worked in the criminal justice field, I noticed how criminalized representatives of the System became, over time. Everyone was vulnerable – cops, probation officers, attorneys, even judges. That’s why I left.