Dear scrupulous person

[PraiseChrist]

Hi,

I hope that these links will help you and supplement spiritual direction:

littlestsouls.wordpress.com/2013/08/12/clarity-for-scrupulous-souls-simple-explanations-of-grey-sins/ Gives some clarity when there is a sin

scrupulousanonymous.org/ **A must see for the scrupulous person

littlestsouls.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/consolation-for-scrupulous-souls-some-advice-from-st-alphonsus/ **You can search “scrupulosity” or “scruples” in the search box, and get other good articles

I remember what a holy FSSP priest told me once: God didn’t create us to torture us and damn us to hell

I really don’t like it when I see criticism of scrupulous people on these forums (except for them to stop asking questions), even if it’s of good intent.* One would have to pass through this martyrdom to understand it well… and for me to express what I experienced for a year and a half would be impossible. * (St. Therese de Lisieux)

 

[JosephHope]

The best advice I have heard on scrupulosity is from a kind priest a couple of days ago when I told him that I have been digging stuff from my childhood, he told me to stop digging for sins I did a decade or more earlier and forgive myself because Jesus forgave me.

 

[porthos11]

I really don’t like it when I see criticism of scrupulous people on these forums (except for them to stop asking questions), even if it’s of good intent.* One would have to pass through this martyrdom to understand it well… and for me to express what I experienced for a year and a half would be impossible. * (St. Therese de Lisieux)

Scrupulous people are not criticized because of their scrupulosity. They are criticized because of their hard-headedness.

 

[JosephHope]

Scrupulous person needs compassion not shutting, he is a person who was doing something for most of his life that he thought was acceptable then some day, he finds out that he was living his entire life in sin and that he is headed to hell, if this person has a predisposition for mental illnesses everything will go south, it is not something easy to live and he/she should do like it was told to me above but that is very hard.

 

[Lormar]

Scrupulous people are not criticized because of their scrupulosity. They are criticized because of their hard-headedness.

That’s a horrible and judgmental thing to say.

Perhaps Our Lord will give you a bit of what it’s like to be scrupulous so you have more compassion and mercy for these souls.

 

[Lormar]

Hi,

I hope that these links will help you and supplement spiritual direction:

littlestsouls.wordpress.com/2013/08/12/clarity-for-scrupulous-souls-simple-explanations-of-grey-sins/ Gives some clarity when there is a sin

scrupulousanonymous.org/ **A must see for the scrupulous person

littlestsouls.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/consolation-for-scrupulous-souls-some-advice-from-st-alphonsus/ **You can search “scrupulosity” or “scruples” in the search box, and get other good articles

I remember what a holy FSSP priest told me once: God didn’t create us to torture us and damn us to hell

I really don’t like it when I see criticism of scrupulous people on these forums (except for them to stop asking questions), even if it’s of good intent.* One would have to pass through this martyrdom to understand it well… and for me to express what I experienced for a year and a half would be impossible. * (St. Therese de Lisieux)

Thank you for these links.

 

[Lormar]

The Blessed Henry Suso says, that “God demands no account from us of things done under obedience.”

 

[porthos11]

That’s a horrible and judgmental thing to say.

Perhaps Our Lord will give you a bit of what it’s like to be scrupulous so you have more compassion and mercy for these souls.

He did.

And I follow my own advice. That’s why you don’t hear a single “Is this a sin?” question from me. And I can assure you that I have scruples picking at my conscience. I just don’t bother you with them.

They are hard-headed because they don’t follow what’s being repeatedly told them, for their own good: bring your questions to your confessor ONLY and obey him UNCONDITIONALLY. No ifs, no buts. Just obey.

It does not take too long to see that many scrupulous posters disregard this basic advice.

Horrible and judgmental indeed. These are things the scrupulous, especially the disobedient ones, need to hear.

 

[Lormar]

He did.

And I follow my own advice. That’s why you don’t hear a single “Is this a sin?” question from me. And I can assure you that I have scruples picking at my conscience. I just don’t bother you with them.

They are hard-headed because they don’t follow what’s being repeatedly told them, for their own good: bring your questions to your confessor ONLY and obey him UNCONDITIONALLY.

It does not take too long to see that many scrupulous posters disregard this basic advice.

Horrible and judgmental indeed. These are things the scrupulous, especially the disobedient ones, need to hear.

I feel sorry for you that you’ve transferred your hard heartedness to those who suffer from the same condition you do.

I’m glad Our Lord is more merciful and understanding than you are.

 

[PraiseChrist]

Scrupulous people are not criticized because of their scrupulosity. They are criticized because of their hard-headedness.

I know it may seem annoying, but it is really difficult to stop these things, and so much more annoying for them
To stop one’s scruples is comparable for someone to give up an addiction, both go through great mental anguish. Or like sincerely thinking that one must find every speck of dust in their house under pain of mortal sin, and then being made fun of by other Catholics for that. Thus, they can despair, or just stop practicing the Faith.
I mean that they shouldn’t be insulted for trying to live a holy life, because only their confessor or therapist understands what they have.

Obviously, no one wants others to think that trying to live a Catholic life makes you crazy, but criticizing them at all is only going to make them worse

 

[porthos11]

I feel sorry for you that you’ve transferred your hard heartedness to those who suffer from the same condition you do.

I’m glad Our Lord is more merciful and understanding than you are.

I don’t know if you have any knowledge or training about dealing with the scrupulous, but telling them to stay off the boards is not hard-heartedness. It is the correct thing for them to do.

Scrupulous people must rely only on a single, trusted confessor, otherwise, they will never find healing. It’s only his voice they should listen to, not Internet strangers. These boards are the worst possible place for them because we have people here of various levels of experience, knowledge and wisdom, and many well-meaning posters give bad and conflicting advice to the scrupulous, making their condition worse.

There’s nothing unmerciful about what I’ve said. But I will call out the hard-headed when they are being stubborn and not bringing their concerns to their priest or spiritual director. It’s for their own spiritual good and peace.

I am not the one being judgmental.

 

[porthos11]

I know it may seem annoying, but it is really difficult to stop these things, and so much more annoying for them
To stop one’s scruples is comparable for someone to give up an addiction, both go through great mental anguish. Or like sincerely thinking that one must find every speck of dust in their house under pain of mortal sin, and then being made fun of by other Catholics for that. Thus, they can despair, or just stop practicing the Faith.
I mean that they shouldn’t be insulted for trying to live a holy life, because it easily tempts them to despair or think that no one understands what they have.

I don’t think anyone insults the scrupulous here.

But you’ve been here long enough to identify some of the more stubborn ones who do not take their concerns to their confessor.

 

[PraiseChrist]

porthos11,

you’re absolutely right about scrupulous people asking questions on the forums. It’ll only worsen their condition.

For anyone who still does this, consider it like calling a stranger, from some a phone directory, and asking him to evaluate whether or not you sinned. When I put it this way, it seems very unreasonable, so, taking these things to a regular priest will help a ton.

 

[Lormar]

I don’t know if you have any knowledge or training about dealing with the scrupulous, but telling them to stay off the boards is not hard-heartedness. It is the correct thing for them to do.

Scrupulous people must rely only on a single, trusted confessor, otherwise, they will never find healing. It’s only his voice they should listen to, not Internet strangers. These boards are the worst possible place for them because we have people here of various levels of experience, knowledge and wisdom, and many well-meaning posters give bad and conflicting advice to the scrupulous, making their condition worse.

There’s nothing unmerciful about what I’ve said. But I will call out the hard-headed when they are being stubborn and not bringing their concerns to their priest or spiritual director. It’s for their own spiritual good and peace.

I am not the one being judgmental.

I never claimed to not be.

And this is the best thing you’ve said: “It’s only his voice they should listen to, not Internet strangers.”

 

[pianistclare]

Scrupulous people must rely only on a single, trusted confessor, otherwise, they will never find healing. It’s only his voice they should listen to, not Internet strangers. These boards are the worst possible place for them because we have people here of various levels of experience, knowledge and wisdom, and many well-meaning posters give bad and conflicting advice to the scrupulous, making their condition worse.

Yes.
These poor souls need professional spiritual help.

 

[goout]

I don’t know if you have any knowledge or training about dealing with the scrupulous, but telling them to stay off the boards is not hard-heartedness. It is the correct thing for them to do.

Scrupulous people must rely only on a single, trusted confessor, otherwise, they will never find healing. It’s only his voice they should listen to, not Internet strangers. These boards are the worst possible place for them because we have people here of various levels of experience, knowledge and wisdom, and many well-meaning posters give bad and conflicting advice to the scrupulous, making their condition worse.

There’s nothing unmerciful about what I’ve said. But I will call out the hard-headed when they are being stubborn and not bringing their concerns to their priest or spiritual director. It’s for their own spiritual good and peace.

I am not the one being judgmental.

Correct. The internet gives a person the opportunity to agonize to an irrational degree over things that need to be given up.
After a point, the discussion itself becomes a problem as it makes sin the focus of one’s life.
Trust is the issue. Pride and fear are the enemy.

I’ve been scrupulous and I find the favorite word of the scrupulous is “but”.
People tell me God is merciful, “but” I am really sinful.
I am called to live in liberating joy, “but” if I look away from my sins one of them will bite me in the backside.

Ridding your vocab of the word “but” means radical trust in God and especially other people who are working for God.
Like A confessor. Just one.

 

[jaimeleglise]

It is incredibly difficult to overcome. It is not stubborness. I know, I lived this torture for many years. It feels like hell. It is an illness. It ruined my life, killed my dreams.

 

[LiamQ]

And I can assure you that I have scruples picking at my conscience. I just don’t bother you with them.

First of all, I can completely see where you’re coming from, and I do agree.

My own concern is that posters here diagnose others as being scrupulous simply because they have a question about Confession or about some aspect of moral theology. Being ignorant is not scrupulosity. Being confused is not scrupulosity. Feeling guilt is not scrupulosity. Wanting to please God and to have all of your ducks in a row is not scrupulosity.

It is absolutely OK for people to seek council and advice, and frankly, it’s something we are expected to do. If I don’t know whether doing X is objectively grave matter, it is my business to find out before I attempt to commit that act. And it’s just not valid to insist that the only reasonable way to find those sorts of answers is by asking a Priest in Confession. That happens to be a prudential judgment.

I am sincerely very happy that you’ve found a confessor who helps you with your scrupulosity. But do keep in mind that insisting that your own solution applies to everyone who has a question is just far too broad of a brush. If you choose not to answer or ask questions, then fine. But others perhaps are willing to answer questions, keeping the matter objective, and not going into issues of diagnosing the consciences of others. And that’s fine.

 

[LiamQ]

They are hard-headed because they don’t follow what’s being repeatedly told them, for their own good: bring your questions to your confessor ONLY and obey him UNCONDITIONALLY. No ifs, no buts. Just obey.

I had a Priest friend of mine describe the sort of person you’re alluding to here. It is the sort who, when driving around at night, happens to drive over a pot hole, but who comes to Confession in utter terror that they’ve run someone over, despite getting out of their car and checking, despite all evidence pointing to the contrary. It is the sort who insists that utterly mundane things, like not turning off a light if they’re not in a room, like not looking up and down the street four times before crossing, must be mortally sinful, even if they’re constantly told otherwise.

Your advice applies to that sort of person. But to mix up that sort of person with someone who’s asking perfectly natural questions that we all have to sort out is just not fitting.

 

[porthos11]

First of all, I can completely see where you’re coming from, and I do agree.

My own concern is that posters here diagnose others as being scrupulous simply because they have a question about Confession or about some aspect of moral theology. Being ignorant is not scrupulosity. Being confused is not scrupulosity. Feeling guilt is not scrupulosity. Wanting to please God and to have all of your ducks in a row is not scrupulosity.

It is absolutely OK for people to seek council and advice, and frankly, it’s something we are expected to do. If I don’t know whether doing X is objectively grave matter, it is my business to find out before I attempt to commit that act. And it’s just not valid to insist that the only reasonable way to find those sorts of answers is by asking a Priest in Confession. That happens to be a prudential judgment.

I am sincerely very happy that you’ve found a confessor who helps you with your scrupulosity. But do keep in mind that insisting that your own solution applies to everyone who has a question is just far too broad of a brush. If you choose not to answer or ask questions, then fine. But others perhaps are willing to answer questions, keeping the matter objective, and not going into issues of diagnosing the consciences of others. And that’s fine.

For some posters, it’s glaringly obvious, after a posting pattern has been established. It’s usually not till a poster has had several posts of a repeating pattern that forum members direct them to their confessor. Rarely have I seen a poster dubbed scrupulous on the basis of one post alone.

My old confessor is gone now, reassigned to another country, but before he left, he had given me much good advice in confession such that I’m generally able to govern myself well now. A few things that helped me mostly when I used to dig up the past were:

1. Do not dig up the past.
2. If I had confessed to a certain number of sins, then remember more occurrences, they do not need to be reconfessed.
3. [this, whatever this is] is only a venial sin (yes, he used the word “only”, which for the scrupulous is a great word, even with reference to sin.
4. [that] was a mortal sin (nothing like clarity for the scrupulous).

I haven’t found a similar trusted confessor like him yet; right now, I confess to any available priest. But I keep some principles in mind, such as not confessing uncertain sins, despite the temptation to do so. And I never present my “is this a sin?” questions on this board, because I know none of the members here can help me, and I will find no relief.