Death what your love ones want?

[Sierrah]

I know this is kind of one of those subjects that people like to avoid but because my family has lost a lot a members in the last 15 years and seems about to loose more soon I think it’s always a good idea to let the other members of your family know what you want. I was talking with my dad this weekend about this. Mainly because I know it’ll all fall on me to make the arrangements when the time comes no matter who goes first. My dad is fit and healthy for his age and we pretty much can all talk about anything. But my siblings won’t beable to deal with it when the time comes…the arrangements I mean. I know this from experience. We lost our mom twelve years back and I pretty much had to do everything. Even the priest wasn’t that helpful. He practically yelled at me about choosing lectors and such I just wanted to yell back give me a break my mom just died. Anyway I think it’s a great idea to prearrange these things or at least make your wishes known to give love ones the time to grieve instead of stressing over arrangements. I was glad I asked my mom what she wanted years before she got ill and passed. It made the whole process just a tiny bit easier to deal with knowing we were doing it exactly as she would have wanted.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

Actually, I agree entirely. When my mom was ill, she told me that she had written down all of her final wishes. I didn’t want to talk about it then and tried to change the subject. But when she passed away, those lists that she wrote were a blessing. She had decided everything that she wanted, even the songs that would be sung at her funeral. We were not in a state to make decisions like that, so it was comforting to have had the decisions already made.

 

[Nanny_PK]

I think writing down your wishes is the last blessing that you can give your loved ones. With my father, everything was prearranged; however, he’d been sick for years. The same with my grandfather. However, if a death is really unexpected, those who are left to make the decisions are not always in a mental state to be able to do that. Having a list of preferences not only allows for the deceased to have their wishes honored it is a comfort to those having to make the decisions.

 

[Em_in_FL]

It can be a blessing, but it can also be a burden.
My MIL (still alive and well ) has so many darn demands about her impending death, which she talks about often. Must have THIS kind of casket, and the Funeral Mass shouldn’t be at the normal Daily Mass time, and this and that… OMGOSH it’s over the top!

Basic stuff can be helpful… but don’t overdo it.

 

[kage_ar]

Yes, do it all now. Choose the readings, choose the music, choose the casket, choose the gravesite… I see so many family members who have to deal with these decisions when they are raw and hurting.

 

[JanetF]

My mom and dad’s funerals were both pre-paid pre-arranged. Mom didn’t have to worry about those details when dad died. We won’t have to worry about those things when Mom dies.

I’ve told my husband to save the casket money and get the cheapest pine box available. My body will be reformed at the resurrection, so the casket is unimportant. The rest is unimportant because I won’t know what’s going on anyway, so they can do whatever helps them get through the funeral mass.

 

[Consecrated]

I’ve told my husband to save the casket money and get the cheapest pine box available. My body will be reformed at the resurrection, so the casket is unimportant. The rest is unimportant because I won’t know what’s going on anyway, so they can do whatever helps them get through the funeral mass.

this is how DH and I feel, too.

 

[Sierrah]

For the record my family knows I want to be cremated with the ashes buried next to my mom or in the same grave. I was told when I purchased her plot that three people can be buried there. I aslo Don’t like the wake tradition of viewing the body before the furneral. It’s always kind of freaked me out so I’ve requested they not do that unless they absolutely feel the need to. My siblings still can’t talk about it but at least they know what I want and being the oldest I’ll probably go before them anyway.

 

[KathyA]

It can be a blessing, but it can also be a burden.
My MIL (still alive and well ) has so many darn demands about her impending death, which she talks about often. Must have THIS kind of casket, and the Funeral Mass shouldn’t be at the normal Daily Mass time, and this and that… OMGOSH it’s over the top!

Basic stuff can be helpful… but don’t overdo it.

I agree with this. My mom had every last detail planned and even wrote her own obituary. It really was tremendously helpful in many ways. However, one of the details was who she wanted as pallbearers…all of them former high school classmates. (She died when she was 66.) My brother and I didn’t quite know how to handle that, as we were certain that at least 4 of the 6 she selected probably wouldn’t even bother to come to the funeral. (As it turned out none of the six on her list came or even sent a card. We live in a very small town.) We did not want to disrespect her wishes. We discussed it with the pastor who presided over the funeral and he suggested that we select different people, so we did.

On the flip side of this, one of Mom’s requests was to have the song “When I Get Where I’m Going” by Brad Paisley. All I can say is WOW. I’d never heard that song before…it was a wonderful gift from my mom that I never would have picked myself.

Kathy