Deciding on whether to go further

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chrisdeep

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I am a practising catholic in my early 30s who has recently discovered his vocation to marriage.

I have known this catholic girl for quite a while now but never really thought about going further than friendship. She has always been friendly but I never really took any special notice, that is until about a few weeks ago. I have noticed the following differences: wanting to talk to her at every opportunity; always wanting to make eye contact; wanting to be more loving towards others because of her; I cant stop thinking about her when we part company; finally realizing what an amazingly beautiful person she is.
I can also sort of tell that she likes me back.

A few problems though: firstly I am of a different racial origin (same nationality); I am about 7 years older; I can’t tell for sure whether we truly connect in conversation but we do manage to keep going at length and we always make eye contact.

Finally the questions:
  1. What if she comes into any trouble or discrimination because of my racial difference? (i would never forgive myself)
  2. Given the age difference, would it be selfish of me to ask her if she wants to go further?
  3. Would my trying to court her prevent her from a better relationship?
In summary, should I try to go further?

I wondered if anyone had any advice about this or has encountered a similar situation in their lives?

Thanks in advance and God Bless.
 
Don’t overthink this. Ask her to do something, like get a cold drink or coffee, or even go out for a bite to eat. If she is interested, she will go, or she will say no. If she says no, it might be she truly does have something else to do, just smile and say well, you let me know when and we can do something another time.

Your age difference for someone your age is not a big deal.

The other two questions can only be answered by the girl, not by you, so don’t waste another minute worrying about it.

Good luck! Better to speak up and pursue her than to always be wondering “what if?”

May God bless you and guide you. 🙂
 
Yeah, you seem to be way overthinking this.

Age different - who cares

Racial difference - who cares (well, some might, but that’s their small-minded problem)

Would you courting her prevent her from a better relationship? That’s her decision to make. Everyone who gets married makes this decision. If she decides to have a relationship with you, it’s then ultimately in your hands to make it the best relationship she can be in.

So there you go. Ask this girl out before you overthink this any further.
 
Ask her out and talk, listen, listen, listen. If she is interested, she will let you know; let her make up her own mind. BTW, my husband is almost 7 years older than I am, not a problem.:cool:
 
chrisdeep said:
I am a practising catholic in my early 30s who has recently discovered his vocation to marriage.

I have known this catholic girl for quite a while now but never really thought about going further than friendship. She has always been friendly but I never really took any special notice, that is until about a few weeks ago. I have noticed the following differences: wanting to talk to her at every opportunity; always wanting to make eye contact; wanting to be more loving towards others because of her; I cant stop thinking about her when we part company; finally realizing what an amazingly beautiful person she is.
I can also sort of tell that she likes me back.

A few problems though: firstly I am of a different racial origin (same nationality); I am about 7 years older; I can’t tell for sure whether we truly connect in conversation but we do manage to keep going at length and we always make eye contact.

Finally the questions:
  1. What if she comes into any trouble or discrimination because of my racial difference? (i would never forgive myself)
  2. Given the age difference, would it be selfish of me to ask her if she wants to go further?
  3. Would my trying to court her prevent her from a better relationship?
In summary, should I try to go further?

I wondered if anyone had any advice about this or has encountered a similar situation in their lives?

Thanks in advance and God Bless.
Click to expand...
Nothing risked, nothing gained. If you ask her out make it simple like lunch or something so she won’t feel cornered. Believe me the age makes no difference, even twenty years difference doesn’t matter too much.

Good luck.

Linus2nd
 
Better to find out if she has issues with your racial difference now, than later. Your age is not a problem as far as I can tell. I have known others to marry with a greater age difference than 7 years. I personally can accept a 10 year difference, but after that I start to waiver, but that is just me.

So why not ask her out and tell her you would like to know if she has any interest in being more than friends with you. Be willing to hear her answer and give her time to consider it. If she indicates no, be a man a let her go. If she says she is open to investigating a deeper relationship go for it, with the intention of discussing important issues sooner than later.
 
Isn’t it nice to find someone that you like? 🙂
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You might be overthinking the “what ifs”. Let me give you another one. What if it could’ve been a fantastic relationship resulting in a Godly marriage but never came to being because you were too worried about the risks? It’ll be a regret you may hold for a long time.
 
Thank you all so very much for taking the time to reply.

I think the verdict is almost unanimous on my “over thinking this”, I cant help it that’s what I do. I have been thinking (and stressing) about this problem for a while now and for the first time it is looking very clear.

I don’t really have any relatives that I can discuss this with so it is refreshing to know that the Catholic Family will step in to fill the void.

May GOD Bless you all for your kindness.
 
Thought I should let you know the conclusion to this story.

She said no.

Thanks once again to all of you who replied. I never would have built up the courage otherwise.

GOD Bless.
 
Well now you know where you stand. Better than hanging on for years waiting and hoping to one day find out the same. Knowing what you know now makes it easier for you to move forward realistically.

I wish you all the best in finding someone that will be what you want in your life. Have you considered online dating?
 
chrisdeep said:
Thought I should let you know the conclusion to this story.

She said no.

Thanks once again to all of you who replied. I never would have built up the courage otherwise.

GOD Bless.
Click to expand...
Bummer.

That’s too bad. But at least you know where you stand and can move on now.

Best wishes!
 
Thank you both for the kind words.

It was definitely the right thing to do (as you say), I felt a great sense of relief afterwards. I wanted to part company just after I had asked her but something held me back. We sat around talking for about an hour and we left as good friends.

Some of the hurt is still there but it is slowly getting better. I have been hurt before both physically and sometimes emotionally but this is very different. I should mention in passing that this is in no way her fault, she let me down in the most kindest and gentlest way imaginable. I hope she finds someone who will love her just as I do or maybe even more.

I am praying for everyone who is suffering alone, whether physically, mentally or emotionally as this seems to help in letting go of the pain. Please join in my prayers if you can.

Please also remember all those undergoing great suffering and persecution in Iraq, especially those who have lost spouses and children.

GOD Bless.
 
chrisdeep said:
I am praying for everyone who is suffering alone, whether physically, mentally or emotionally as this seems to help in letting go of the pain. Please join in my prayers if you can.

Please also remember all those undergoing great suffering and persecution in Iraq, especially those who have lost spouses and children.

GOD Bless.
Click to expand...
You are something else to be thinking that way when you are in pain yourself.

I pray that you will find someone that will appreciate your thoughtfulness and return it to you with great love-- you deserve someone as nice as you are.

May God bless you and guide you. 🙂
 
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