Deciding When to Get Married

[Stella_Matutina]

School and marriage could not coexist for me because — maybe I’m too ADD but — I can’t imagine being in school and having kids. Pregnancy was my big issue. To get married, you have to be open to life (even if you are planning to avoid- God sometimes has other plans). And being open to life but also trying to finish school was too overwhelming of a notion for me personally. I know people do it all of the time but I know I would not be able to dedicate myself fully to my family if I were still in school.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I think your parents are just looking out for you. It’s not one of those thread that I read here, where the parents don’t approve of the relationship, and are using school or something else to derail or postpone a wedding. I think if you have come this far with your studies, you should finish…FOR YOU. Not because this is what your parents want you to do…but, I just think that (as a parent myself) I would hate to see my kids go through all that schooling, and not finish. Marriage should be center stage in your lives when you both make that beautiful commitment. It’s not IMPOSSIBLE to finish school, when married, but it can be harder. Married life has a lot of responsibilities, and studying, etc might fall to the wayside. I’d finish school, then plan for the wedding right after the graduation. Could be a combination graduation/wedding party. (Kidding)

I wish you both all of lfie’s blessings, and may you find the right solution that works for you both. *

 

[whatevergirl]

School and marriage could not coexist for me because — maybe I’m too ADD but — I can’t imagine being in school and having kids. Pregnancy was my big issue. To get married, you have to be open to life (even if you are planning to avoid- God sometimes has other plans). And being open to life but also trying to finish school was too overwhelming of a notion for me personally. I know people do it all of the time but I know I would not be able to dedicate myself fully to my family if I were still in school.

*I agree here. Not everyone is the same, but I think for the most part, when two people marry, the marriage should be and will be front and center. Studying, school projects, juggling work and school schedules…it just is very hard. I finished before marrying, and I’m glad I did. Just speaking from experience, OP. I met my husband when I was in my 4th year of college. *

 

[Augusta_Sans]

*I agree here. Not everyone is the same, but I think for the most part, when two people marry, the marriage should be and will be front and center. Studying, school projects, juggling work and school schedules…it just is very hard. I finished before marrying, and I’m glad I did. Just speaking from experience, OP. I met my husband when I was in my 4th year of college. *

I also agree that it’s wise to marry after graduation, and I agree that your parents aren’t trying to derail the marriage, but only postpone it until you are both in a place where you have a greater chance for success.

Your question was whether it was dishonoring your parents to go against their wishes: my answer is still no. However, given the reasons stated by others (and which mirrors my own experience as a newlywed), I think to postpone the wedding until after graduation would be an act of honoring your marriage and your future spouse.

 

[Sierrah]

My boyfriend and I definitely want to get married, but we’re trying to decide between two years from now and four years. In two years, I’ll be transferring to college in his town, and it would be convenient to be able to live at home instead of paying room and board, not to mention it would just be nice to be married to him In four years, however, I will be done with school, but we will have been dating for five years and that’s a long time to wait. We’ve run the numbers, and financially we should be able to handle it in two years or four years, so that’s not an issue.

Honestly, what’s your opinion on this?

Hum I think people wait far to long to marry and worry too much about the party aspect of the wedding and such. I can’t image dating someone 5 years before getting married. In my humble opinion it’s not a good thing unless it just can’t be avoided due to age. That’s not to say I’d rush into an engagement either. I think a year of dating and six months of engagement would be max for me but then again I’m older and don’t really worry over the housing, school and party aspect of the wedding. Honestly a simple beach wedding or Vegas Style would suite me fine if the church allowed it but maybe I’m weird… Regardless I think people get far too hung up on money. If you love the guy and you feel god is calling you to be together then marry him.

 

[jilly4ski]

My DH and I waited 5 years to get married. Of course I was 17 when we met and not ready to get married when he was ready, and we had a long distance relationship for all of those years, except during the summer time. We also got pregnant right away after getting married.
I attend law school now, I would not want to be in undergrad trying to finish my degree with a child. (Undergrad tends to not be as flexible as graduate school.) I find it even more difficult to finish all my reading and studying now (as opposed to when I was pregnant) My baby just needs a lot of attention, and he is very distracting.
I definately have less interest in school now that I am a wife and mother. School is still very important of course.
I would wait until I finished undergrad, but that is just me.

God Bless

 

[verdantmemories]

Hum I think people wait far to long to marry and worry too much about the party aspect of the wedding and such. I can’t image dating someone 5 years before getting married. In my humble opinion it’s not a good thing unless it just can’t be avoided due to age. That’s not to say I’d rush into an engagement either. I think a year of dating and six months of engagement would be max for me.

And that’s part of the problem, we’ve already been dating that year and a half max time that you mentioned. If we wait until I graduate, it’ll be waiting five to six years total, and his spiritual director had told us that it might be an unnecessary situation of temptation. I’d rather get married sooner.

 

[Stella_Matutina]

This seems like a common problem for our generation. Back in the day, women didn’t need to finish school and everyone just got married. No big deal. I had a priest once advise me to get married early before finishing school. And it makes sense.
And I totally understand and it makes sense to me that dating a year and being engaged for six months is the optimal way of going about a marriage— but sometimes there are just other factors in the way. Looking back, I can’t believe that we dated for over three years before getting married. I never thought, growing up, that I would be one to do that. But I am so glad that I did and I know that God designed it that way. He gave us the grace to make it work.

In other words- PRAY ABOUT THIS! If God wants you to wait six years, he’ll give you the power to do it. If he wants you to marry now- go for it.