Decision for my Granpa's Life, please help

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BlueRain

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Hello,
My granpa is in his 90’s and has dementia. My dad is in California helping him. Recently they had to cut off his toe because it was infected and now the whole foot is infected as well.

The doctors say that there is a risk the infection could get worse and cause a heart attack. They are asking my dad if in the event he has a heart attack, if they should or should not resucitate my grandpa.

The problem is that the electrical shocks they may give him may cause his ribs to be broken because he is very fragile and also there might be problems with his lungs, like more damage (My grandpa used to smoke a lot).

I don’t know what the Catholic thing to do is. My dad called and I told him to talk to a priest and my mom said to ask the rest of my aunts/uncles. For now I told him that perhaps they should rsucitate my grandpa.

The doctor told my dad that my grandpa is suffering and then he started saying something about "quality of life’. I’m not sure what he meant by that, I’m not sure if they meant giving him pain killers and other treatments.

But what would be the correct Catholic thing to do?

My dad has to sign some papers for this pretty soon, I would appreciate any advice.

It’s late here, but perhaps I may try to get in touch with a priest tomorrow as well (Our usual priest recentky went on a Sabbatical).
 
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I’m praying for your Granpa and especially for your Dad.
Your poor Dad is in a very difficult position so I’m sure you’ll give him the love and support he needs.
God bless you too, as it’s very upsetting for you that your granpa is having such a dificult time and your Dad is having to go through all this.
There is a point at which Catholics are not obliged to use extraordinary means to keep someone alive.
 
Twice now I have seen the Do Not Resuscitate Order on a family member’s refrigerator. The first time was on my parent’s fridge. My mother was in the end stages of lung cancer. The doctor wanted mom in the hospital, but since she could not smoke in the hospital she chose to come home. After fighting cancer for two years she decided when the DNR was to be in force. Three years later my 46 year old brother was in his final days living with advanced colon cancer. The DNR went up on the fridge. Again he was able to decide when it would be put up. Both balanced the information given by doctors and the understanding that their bodies were not going to make it. I will ask the Holy Spirit to help your father discern when your grandpa will be near the end. It may be now or it may be much later. God bless you and your family
 
BlueRain said:
The doctor told my dad that my grandpa is suffering and then he started saying something about "quality of life’. I’m not sure what he meant by that, I’m not sure if they meant giving him pain killers and other treatments.
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Hi BlueRain! Sorry to hear about your family’s situation. I’ll be praying for all of you.

Without actually being there, I can’t be sure, but by “quality of life” your doctor may have meant one of these two things:
  1. Your grandpa’s dementia is so advanced that he does not know what’s going on around him, and medical science, sadly, can’t cure him. Thus, the doctor thinks that resuscitating your grandpa would only prolong his (and your family’s) suffering. In a hospital, when somebody’s a “full code” - meaning medical staff do everything in their power to revive the person if their heart stops - it involves shocking them, pounding on their chest, and sticking tubes down their throats. This is painful, and as the doctor said, when the patient is frail, they often wind up with broken ribs. Doctors got into their profession to help people. This doctor may think that putting someone through all of that when they have no hope of recovery is hurting them, not helping. At some point, even doctors have to acknowledge that we all must die sooner or later. Death - particularly for a Catholic - isn’t something to fear or try to postpone indefinitely.
  2. When a person’s heart stops, the brain’s oxygen supply gets cut off. When the oxygen gets cut off, brain cells die. Brain cells can’t reproduce, so once part of your brain is gone, it’s gone forever. Since your grandpa has dementia, your family’s already painfully aware of this. The doctor may think that if your grandpa’s heart stops, they won’t be able to get it restarted in time to save the brain he has left, and once they restart his heart (if they can) he’ll be even worse off than he is now. Again, your doctor became a doctor because he’s called to help people, and he may think that in this case, he’d be hurting your grandpa and not helping.
Having said all of that, I’ve worked in hospitals before and “do not resuscitate” certainly does not mean “do not give painkillers!” Your grandpa will be kept comfortable even if he has a DNR. I’d suggest talking to the nurses, other medical staff at the hospital, or even the hospital chaplains (if it’s a big enough hospital, they probably have a few priests or nuns)

Hope that helped. God bless you.
 
Thank you all for your prayers and the advice and the links with more information.

SJG1759, what you wrote is indeed what the doctor was telling my dad. It’s a difficult decision. I guess we feel that if we don’t do something, it’s like we’re letting my grandpa just die. But on the other hand, we also feel we are making him suffer.

I know my grandpa has dementia, but it shows God’s mercy, he didn’t really grasp it when a few years ago when his 19 year old grandaughter died from cancer, his other son almost died from a stroke, and now his other son is fighting pancreatic cancer. Now I see why my grandpa has dementia, I don’t think he could handle all this grief. Many years ago, in Mexico he lost a child to diptheria.

Thank you all for the advice and prayers, I hope we make a good decision.
 
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