Decision to make - any advice?

  • Thread starter Thread starter kbleau
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

kbleau

Guest
Hello Everyone,

I have a decision to make and am absolutely stuck in the middle of the road. My DH has offered me the chance to quit my job and stay at home with our four children while I finish up school and I can take the summer off to spend much needed time with the kids. I am in college and should graduate this spring. DH and I both work two jobs, and I would just keep my part-time job on the weekend. We would be ok financially as most of the income from my day job goes to daycare. (We have managed to pay off most of our debt at this point.)

I initially started at my day job intending to stay at least two years. Of course it didn’t turn out as hoped for and I often feel like I am not a good match for my boss personality wise. I work in a very small Catholic church and was really hoping that my job would make me feel closer to God since I am working in his house. The opposite is happening. The priest can make life very unpleasant most of the time since he is from a different culture and I am having a hard time dealing with some of the stuff he does. I am from a corporate background and am used to having rights on the job and knowing that HR will be there for me if I absolutely need to go to them for help. In this job, there is no such thing. I have been asked for copies of my medical records, etc.

My dilemma is that if I quit right before the year is up, I feel like I broke my promise to my boss. At the same time my family life is really suffering since we are not providing the most stable home life with one of us gone all the time. My son starts school this fall and that will leave only my little DD in daycare. I will be forced to find a new job at some point to pay for student loans anyways, and my current job does not give raises or have benefits. I want to do what’s best for my family, I just have this horrible feeling of guilt that won’t go away.

Any advice?

k
 
Family before job, always. Don’t worry about letting your boss down. In this day and age, with rampant unemployment and many people looking for jobs, he should have no trouble filling your position if you leave.

You will NEVER regret spending time with your children. But you WILL regret NOT spending time with them.
 
You are right. That has been my feeling. I guess sometimes I felt like my parents had to put work first to keep food on the table. So I have this ultra “hard working” complex that I feel guilty when I quit a job. Weird, huh? :eek: I have been praying to get over it.
 
I vote with everyone else. Quit. Especially if your husband is supporting this option. Once you’ve quit and are at home with your kids the guilt over quitting will go away. 🙂 Good luck and may God bless your family. And don’t worry about your “hard working complex” - you will be working harder at home! 😉
 
Absolutely… family before everything (except God)! Your children will grow up so fast, and if your husband is behind you, you will be blessed to be home with them as much as you can be. 🙂
 
I can’t afford to stay home indefinitely, but I would love to stay home as long as I can! :o
 
I think I know why I am feeling guilty. When I hired on, I said I would stay here for at least two years. That was assuming I was happy with my job. I am not happy, period. I have to do stuff outside of work on my limited family time, I am not reimbursed for my gas money when I have to run errands for the church, my boss initially said I could bring sick kids up here with me and changed his mind when I actually had to do it. I get in trouble for nothing, literally. Like I said before, maybe a bunch of it is cultural differences. He also doesn’t respect my personal space. 😦
 
I can understand you wanting to stay in your job as you mentioned one of its purposes was to bring you closer to God, but if staying there is pushing you away from God then you need to get out. Children are only small for a short amount of time and if you have an opportunity to witness this then you should take it. And by taking a break from work you might find that your relationship with God gets a jumpstart so that when you go to your next job you’re in a better faith frame of mind.
 
I’m sitting in God’s house right now. I’m bored because I’ve done all my work and I listen to Catholic Radio all day. I’m not allowed to form any sort of attachments to the parishioners (as in friendships). They are not allowed to come into the office, unless they have a really good reason. I have to run errands for the office on my lunch and I am not allowed to make it up. I guess I am really miserable here and growing further from God instead of closer.
 
It is very hard to quit your job. It was hard for me when I quit my job a little over a year ago to stay home. However, looking back now, I can see that it was a wonderful decision. You are not “letting your boss down” by quitting your job. Since you work at a church, I would hope that there would be great empathy and understanding for somone wanting to spend more time with their children and devote more time to their primary vocation (being a wife and mother). Since your circumstances are providing you with this opportunity- take it! Your children will not be children forever and you will never get those years back. You have the rest of your life to work after your children are grown. Pray about it and ask for guidance. God will not lead you astray.
 
kbleau said:
Hello Everyone,

I have a decision to make and am absolutely stuck in the middle of the road. My DH has offered me the chance to quit my job and stay at home with our four children while I finish up school and I can take the summer off to spend much needed time with the kids. I am in college and should graduate this spring. DH and I both work two jobs, and I would just keep my part-time job on the weekend. We would be ok financially as most of the income from my day job goes to daycare. (We have managed to pay off most of our debt at this point.)

I initially started at my day job intending to stay at least two years. Of course it didn’t turn out as hoped for and I often feel like I am not a good match for my boss personality wise. I work in a very small Catholic church and was really hoping that my job would make me feel closer to God since I am working in his house. The opposite is happening. The priest can make life very unpleasant most of the time since he is from a different culture and I am having a hard time dealing with some of the stuff he does. I am from a corporate background and am used to having rights on the job and knowing that HR will be there for me if I absolutely need to go to them for help. In this job, there is no such thing. I have been asked for copies of my medical records, etc.

My dilemma is that if I quit right before the year is up, I feel like I broke my promise to my boss. At the same time my family life is really suffering since we are not providing the most stable home life with one of us gone all the time. My son starts school this fall and that will leave only my little DD in daycare. I will be forced to find a new job at some point to pay for student loans anyways, and my current job does not give raises or have benefits. I want to do what’s best for my family, I just have this horrible feeling of guilt that won’t go away.

Any advice?

k
Click to expand...
Hi k;

If you can swing things financially…stay home! You won’t ever regret that…you’ll never look back and say…‘I wish I hadn’t stayed home with the kids.’ lol You know? You might look back though and say…“I wish I had stayed home when I could.” So, if you can…then go for it. Your boss will understand…things change, and frankly, it’s important to keep our words to bosses, etc…I’m not saying that it doesn’t matter, but if your boss suddenly ‘didn’t need you’ anymore, he wouldn’t think twice about letting you go. So, your family comes first…if you can swing it…then I say…go for it! Good luck!🙂
 
maybe this will help put your guilts to rest once and for all:

when the former DRE put her 2 weeks notice in, I learned of it through a friend that very day. (this happened in a parish not my own.) by the following afternoon, i had an interview, i started the following Monday morning.

the woman who had my job previously did an excellent job, but in this terrible job climate, someone else capable was bound to offer services.

that will happen in your job, too. when you give notice, tell people. news will spread. that job will get filled fast.
 
kbleau said:
Hello Everyone,

I have a decision to make and am absolutely stuck in the middle of the road. My DH has offered me the chance to quit my job and stay at home with our four children while I finish up school and I can take the summer off to spend much needed time with the kids. I am in college and should graduate this spring. DH and I both work two jobs, and I would just keep my part-time job on the weekend. We would be ok financially as most of the income from my day job goes to daycare. (We have managed to pay off most of our debt at this point.)
Click to expand...
That sounds fabulous! 🙂
I initially started at my day job intending to stay at least two years. Of course it didn’t turn out as hoped for and I often feel like I am not a good match for my boss personality wise. I work in a very small Catholic church and was really hoping that my job would make me feel closer to God since I am working in his house. The opposite is happening. The priest can make life very unpleasant most of the time since he is from a different culture and I am having a hard time dealing with some of the stuff he does. I am from a corporate background and am used to having rights on the job and knowing that HR will be there for me if I absolutely need to go to them for help. In this job, there is no such thing. I have been asked for copies of my medical records, etc.
Click to expand...
My dilemma is that if I quit right before the year is up, I feel like I broke my promise to my boss. At the same time my family life is really suffering since we are not providing the most stable home life with one of us gone all the time. My son starts school this fall and that will leave only my little DD in daycare. I will be forced to find a new job at some point to pay for student loans anyways, and my current job does not give raises or have benefits. I want to do what’s best for my family, I just have this horrible feeling of guilt that won’t go away.
Click to expand...
Any advice?
Click to expand...
k
Click to expand...
First, he will recover just fine if you quit. People quit all the time, and I am sure he is used to the cycle of rehiring, especially if he is difficult to work with. (And by the way, a person doesn’t have to be from a different culture, to be difficult to work with - some people just are, and it has very little to do with culture.)

Second, if you choose to stay, contact your Bishop’s office and ask around for employment standards, etc. There is probably a statement of standards that you can look to for definitions of your rights, responsibilities, etc., that will tell you what information you are required to give them, etc.
 
I agree that staying home with the kids sounds like the best option for you. When my daughter was born a few months ago, I decided to stay home with her, even though my employer pressured me to come back to work. I really have no regrets - whenever I feel a little guilty about leaving, I just remind myself that someone else who really needed a job was able to take my place. Spending every day with my little girl is the most amazing experience; I wouldn’t give it up unless our finances became dire. And you’d be surprised how much money you can save when you don’t work - no more expensive work clothes, no more commuting expenses, and fixing your own meals regularly is cheaper and healthier than eating out or buying prepared food. Yes, money is a challenge, but not as much as I’d expected.

On top of that, it seems like your job just isn’t a good fit. I’ve never worked in a church office, but I’ve been inside enough of them to realize that some priests are very difficult bosses. I suppose that since they work nearly every waking hour and don’t have spouses or children, it’s hard to relate to the needs (and rights) of the people around them. Just tell him that you’ve realized your children need a parent at home and you’re sorry you won’t be able to stay as long as you’d thought. If you give him at least two weeks notice, he’ll probably have your replacement lined up and waiting well before you leave.

It sounds like you’re also having trouble giving up working in God’s House, but you don’t have to be employed by the Church to be a good Christian. Get involved in a parish activity or two, take your kids to weekday masses sometimes, and you’ll probably experience much more fulfillment than you do now. And you’ll be able to talk to other parishioners.

I enjoyed my job, but being there as my daughter grows up is so much better. Since you seem unhappy with your job, you’ll probably see an even bigger improvement in your quality of life, and your kids will be happier, too.
 
You’re all right. I am seeing myself all the years in the past that I wanted to quit working to stay at home and just couldn’t afford too! i always felt guilty and wished that I could be home teaching my kids about God. Now, God is giving me an unexpected gift, I have decided to take it and stay home.

I think that the cultural difference I am referring too is that where Fr. comes from priests are treated like royalty, and here is just another priest. He has even told me that I am not allowed to disagree with anything he says or to ask questions of him when parishioners are in the office! I go to a different Catholic church, so I will always be around friends there. 👍 He is a good priest, he is just difficult to work for. I am not a good match for the church, I have to be around people if I am going to work. I spend six hours a day completely alone in the church quite often. I was an even worse fit at the Baptist Church I worked for!😛 I’m definitely corporate material not small business or church office material.
 
DH is driving me crazy. Now he’s worrying about the job market and me being able to find a job in the future! 🤷 He is sounding like he is going to change his mind.:mad:
 
kbleau said:
DH is driving me crazy. Now he’s worrying about the job market and me being able to find a job in the future! 🤷 He is sounding like he is going to change his mind.:mad:
Click to expand...
It’s going to be a few years, yet - you will have time to upgrade your skills, and by then, the economy will have recovered. Plus, you are keeping one foot in the door by holding on to your weekend job. If things get tight, you can always work from home doing something on the computer. 🙂

Maybe he is just getting cold feet about being the main breadwinner of the family.
 
Good point. I think he is concerned. He is always worried about money, even when we have enough of it. 😛 God will take care of us, he always has.😃
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top