In our archdiocese, this would have to be reported to the superior of the adult no matter whether the adult was a staff member or volunteer and regardless of what his position was. He could be the groundskeeper, and this would be a violation of the code of conduct.
Right.
It is only after you expose a pattern of behavior that things start to add up. So yea, I agree in isolation a gift given around the parents is probably nothing. I think the posters here just want the behavior reported in case there is a pattern that emerges around this guy.
Most dioceses have a clear code of conduct. Violations must be reported. Likewise, the details of the violation may clear up that the rules may not apply to a specific situation. Rules cannot apply to every situation, though violation of rules is one of the red flags to predatory behavior. I can understand a large gift if one feels it is owed for labor and the person rejected payment, though I would have accepted the service as a gift to God. But I understand it. Still, I would have reported it. Remember, such reports are never public knowledge. What one person may have noted as suspicious, but understandable, may be just one piece in a larger puzzle. When a person in authority, the priest, or someone in the diocese, starts to consider a multitude of incidents, in their totality, it may present overwhelming evidence of predatory behavior.
Just a quick note before anyone gets arrested, but in my state, people in public have no expectation of privacy. I believe this universal. One can photograph or sketch children in public. The only recourse a parent has is to leave, ask for the person to cooperate by not taking an image of your child, or to call the police to come and see if they know if the person is a sex offender (though they may or may not do this). Perhaps one more option would be to simply photograph the photographer (sketcher) as a deterrent should the person be a predator seeking a child.
Right.
I have often thought about this, and the possibility that due to some odd emergency such a ride might truly be needed. Given enough time everything that can happen will happen. Here is what I do.
That’s how a sensible person handles it.
Thank you. It makes a difference in my mind and perhaps in the minds of others.
You don’t need to judge him or use Google. The gift is inappropriate; you are not overreacting. Have your daughter return the gift, thank him for expressing his appreciation, but express the regret that it is not appropriate for a sixteen year old to accept gifts from an older man not her relative when the same gift is not being given to the whole group of volunteers, and particularly not personal gifts such as clothing. She can assure him she did not take it as a sign of any bad intention, but just not good policy for her to accept it. If you or she are not comfortable with that, you or your husband can do it, since your daughter is still a minor and the gift-giver is clearly an adult.
Yes, on all this. The rules are meant to protect everyone, both the youth and the adults having contact with them, and to avoid giving anyone the wrong idea. I would highly encourage those who learn these rules for their local parish to also observe them where these rules are not the official policy (such as when coaching Little League or volunteering with the youth symphony).
Yep, so it sounds like he has picked the shirts himself and continues with an interest in them. That is way too much interest for a supposed generic thankyou gift.