Deeper Conversion

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I recently attended a retreat this weekend. I realized that I know little to nothing about my faith. I was still a slave to sin. When did you experience a conversion? Sure I knew it was good to confess your sins because they were wrong but I never thought of sin being what prevents us from getting near God. I know I sound ignorant. I finally feel awake/alert. I hear testimonies and people tell me things all the time for whatever reason now that I went on a retreat. God “feels” real. I know you are not supposed to lean on “feelings.” I always intellectually understood God and knew the rules but I realized I never loved God or believed He loved me. I always thought I had to be perfect to face God. I knew a lot but I “knew” nothing at all. It is weird.
 
I think most of the people around here have probably had a conversion experience at one point, and I don’t think that you are alone when you describe feeling like you knew a lot of facts about God/Catholicism but didn’t really know either in any meaningful or personal way. That has been my experience at various points along the way. I think my initial conversion experience happened when I essentially felt peer-pressured to return to confession after 8 years at a KofC college council conference. Although to be honest I feel like other “conversions” have happened since then where I feel like something meaningful as relates to my relationship with God is suddenly made known to me without any effort on my part. It’s like wandering around in a dark room and all of a sudden the lights are turned on and you can start to see certain things more clearly. The ideal is probably having these conversions towards God with increasing regularity on an increasingly spiritual level with less emotional emphasis.

If I may make a recommendation, I would use this time of elevated spiritual feelings to read this book if you have not already done so: Fire Within. It was recommended by another poster on these forums in response to a query concerning contemplative prayer (credit where credit is due: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=14122568&highlight=fire+within#post14122568). I’ve started reading it recently and it is an excellent, eye-opening book that details the various stages of a deeper, more meaningful prayer life with God as taught by Sts. Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross. It helps to know what is and is not normal in a developing prayer life and I think you could benefit tremendously from its instruction.

I’m glad your retreat was meaningful to you!
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CRATUS:
Satan is REAL and VERY DECEPTIVE.
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Yes he is. I remember being struck with that truth at one point as well.
 
balto said:
I think most of the people around here have probably had a conversion experience at one point, and I don’t think that you are alone when you describe feeling like you knew a lot of facts about God/Catholicism but didn’t really know either in any meaningful or personal way. That has been my experience at various points along the way. I think my initial conversion experience happened when I essentially felt peer-pressured to return to confession after 8 years at a KofC college council conference. Although to be honest I feel like other “conversions” have happened since then where I feel like something meaningful as relates to my relationship with God is suddenly made known to me without any effort on my part. It’s like wandering around in a dark room and all of a sudden the lights are turned on and you can start to see certain things more clearly. The ideal is probably having these conversions towards God with increasing regularity on an increasingly spiritual level with less emotional emphasis.

If I may make a recommendation, I would use this time of elevated spiritual feelings to read this book if you have not already done so: Fire Within. It was recommended by another poster on these forums in response to a query concerning contemplative prayer (credit where credit is due: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=14122568&highlight=fire+within#post14122568). I’ve started reading it recently and it is an excellent, eye-opening book that details the various stages of a deeper, more meaningful prayer life with God as taught by Sts. Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross. It helps to know what is and is not normal in a developing prayer life and I think you could benefit tremendously from its instruction.

I’m glad your retreat was meaningful to you!

Yes he is. I remember being struck with that truth at one point as well.
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I feel awake/alive and alert
 
Congratulations. What retreat was it? I also had an excellent renewal at a retreat (CRHP). I ‘felt’ like all my sins and shortcomings were strew out in front of me to see, and I had the same reaction Simon Peter did, “Depart from me Lord, for I am a sinful man”
 
It was a women’s non-Catholic retreat. Christian women. I really need to find in real life Catholic friends with women my age. I was shocked by how seriously people honestly take their faith. I saw how sinful I was. I was embarrassed. What to do now? What if I never discovered how sinful I was?
 
The Sacrament of Reconciliation gives many graces and much healing. If you are looking for advice, do a thorough examination of conscience and make an appointment with your priest for confession. Also, meditation on Psalm 51 and the Prodigal Son is also helpful.
 
There’s no reason to dwell on your sins any longer. Move forward with Catholic teaching. It has more to offer than Protestant or non-denominational. You probably already know that.

Or, read a Gospel since you’ve been given some clarity, you’ll likely be able to dig out the meanings now, provided your reading a bible with notations, like the NABSRE, it’s the one the USCCB uses.
 
CRATUS said:
I recently attended a retreat this weekend. I realized that I know little to nothing about my faith. I was still a slave to sin. When did you experience a conversion? Sure I knew it was good to confess your sins because they were wrong but I never thought of sin being what prevents us from getting near God. I know I sound ignorant. I finally feel awake/alert. I hear testimonies and people tell me things all the time for whatever reason now that I went on a retreat. God “feels” real. I know you are not supposed to lean on “feelings.” I always intellectually understood God and knew the rules but I realized I never loved God or believed He loved me. I always thought I had to be perfect to face God. I knew a lot but I “knew” nothing at all. It is weird.
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God loves us too much that sometimes He allows us to ‘feel’ Him.

If you feel God is real, it is because God allows it and wants you to experience Him. He wants you to experience the love of a loving Father God.

Enjoy it. Regard it as a grace for you to make that return to the Father. After all He is real.

Of course you should not depend on feeling because there are always the ups and the downs – the mountains and the valleys. And when you are in the valleys, then you have to persevere on. And that time will come. The saints experienced that – the dark night of the soul.

Conversion is always ongoing but your experiencing God gives you a tangible start. When you discover your love for God, you will find that sins have no place in your life. Continue to allow it so even when you do not feel like it anymore.
 
CRATUS said:
I recently attended a retreat this weekend. I realized that I know little to nothing about my faith. I was still a slave to sin. When did you experience a conversion? Sure I knew it was good to confess your sins because they were wrong but I never thought of sin being what prevents us from getting near God. I know I sound ignorant. I finally feel awake/alert. I hear testimonies and people tell me things all the time for whatever reason now that I went on a retreat. God “feels” real. I know you are not supposed to lean on “feelings.” I always intellectually understood God and knew the rules but I realized I never loved God or believed He loved me. I always thought I had to be perfect to face God. I knew a lot but I “knew” nothing at all. It is weird.
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No your not alone. I struggle with feeling unworthy to pray when I sin…it’s like I’m ashamed and to embarrassed to pray. But it is Satan behind all this.
 
robertmidwest said:
Sin requires full knowledge that it is wrong.
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Just what is “Full” knowledge. Sometimes we use that as a cop out for doing what WE want. If we know something is wrong with God and we do it anyway that is full knowledge! The choice is ours! Our “feeling’s” fool us. God Bless, Memaw
 
CRATUS said:
It was a women’s non-Catholic retreat. Christian women. I really need to find in real life Catholic friends with women my age. I was shocked by how seriously people honestly take their faith. I saw how sinful I was. I was embarrassed. What to do now? What if I never discovered how sinful I was?
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Find a Catholic retreat. Then you will also have Mass and Reconciliation. Possibly even a conversation with a Spiritual director.
Take the leap
 
CRATUS said:
I recently attended a retreat this weekend. I realized that I know little to nothing about my faith. I was still a slave to sin. When did you experience a conversion? Sure I knew it was good to confess your sins because they were wrong but I never thought of sin being what prevents us from getting near God. I know I sound ignorant. I finally feel awake/alert. I hear testimonies and people tell me things all the time for whatever reason now that I went on a retreat. God “feels” real. I know you are not supposed to lean on “feelings.” I always intellectually understood God and knew the rules but I realized I never loved God or believed He loved me. I always thought I had to be perfect to face God. I knew a lot but I “knew” nothing at all. It is weird.
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I only just learned that I don’t have to be perfect to love God … trying to be perfect has cost me much time away from God … I now am going to Him with my sinful nature … for me, at least, there is no perfection … I cling to Jesus to try to obtain the grace I need to be as perfect as possible, but I realize that I am too weak to ever be perfect … so I cling even tighter to Jesus.
 
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