Due to being a victim of horrific sexual abuse, I too have struggled with lust and still struggle against its power over me. But I find comfort that I am not alone, for all of us struggle, and even one of the Doctors of the Church, Saint Augustine himself struggled against this sin, and though it was long and it took the paitent intercession of Saint Monica he was able to with God’s Grace to conquer it. You must have faith that we can conquer all things through Christ who strengthens us.
Also remember it is not our place to judge, neither others, nor ourselves. It is not for us to condemn ourselves anymore than it is to exalt. God is judge, and he is a merciful and loving Lord. I reccomend reading Saint Augustine’s Confessions and seeking after his intercession in prayer. Seek out our Lord and Lady within the praying of the Rosary, baring your soul before our Mother who loves you and doesn’t wish to see you in such torment.
Remember that our Lord is just and loving and kind and he doesn’t wish for you to suffer so! If you feel the call towards marriage, pray that God open you up to a true and pure love, to find the person whom he has set aside for you. More than anything, do not judge yourself to harshly, by such measures the Devil finds snares to use against us to seperate us from Christ, I speak of all to painful personal experience. Remember that Christ did not die to condemn you but to save you because he LOVES you!!
For my own healing from the nightmarish past that has caused in me mental illness, a long struggle against the sin of lust, and to fall into and practice Witchcraft and Paganism for six years from which our Lady in her mercy reached gently out and in her persistance I grabbed her hand and have been pulled out and began the process of joining the RCIA, I have turned to the Patron Saint of those who have been raped, Saint Maria Goretti and have dedicated 12 days in which I am on day 4 to praying her Chaplet asking to be physically and spiritually healed and freed of the sins and the afflictions of the past.
You are not alone in your struggles. Others have this struggle, and often depression is linked to lust because we are looking to feel some kind of worth by means of physical confirmation, but it’s promises are false and a terrible emptiness follows when one falls into lust alone and makes that depression worse. I have found that nothing is more powerful in fighting depression and helping you give yourself with joy to God than in finding His Purpose for you and doing it. Within becoming a voice and advocate for adults with High Fuctioning Autism I have found my self worth. Everytime I am with one of the groups, or forming one of my own, or working on legislative issues I feel God’s approval, that I am doing what I was made to do.
And when I can’t do that, I find that in serving others, you are pulled yourself out of suffering. For years I have put out a yearly list of local Volunteer Opportunities for people like myself in a variety of different areas. Serving your local parish in serving the poor, or in the local hospitals, the Red Cross, going to read and visit the elderly in nursing homes, joining local advocate groups to fight for those with disabilities (my personal favorite) and other ways of helping us by way of your nearest Center for Independent Living, even volunteering within your local parish to house bible studies once a week or bring meals to the sick from the Meals on Wheels program.
It gets you out of the house, it puts the focus off of you and your struggles and onto being of aid to those who desperately need help too. It is uplifting and gets your mind off of either the temptation, or the time spent in self loathing and condemnation because of it. Seeking counseling is something I can’t reccomend enough. With a combination of all these things it will go a long way towards falling into wanting to attack yourself. In fact, that is how I combat against my own Clinical Depression, Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and when the times came that I got down right suicidal and tried to destroy myself with booze after my father’s death, it was that purpose, that I knew that my fellows on the Spectrum NEEDED me that pulled me out of it and slowly brought me home to Rome.
If you ever need to talk, please PM me and I would gladly give you my email and we can pray together and I’ll help you look for opportunities you have locally and be your prayer buddy.
Saint Augustine, you struggled within your mortal life against this sin
you know of it’s power against the human heart
and how the Devil uses it to snare us and create in us self hatred
and sends us on a downward spiral that but for the Grace of God
we would not be able to climb our way out of.
I lift up this individual before you
asking you to see the troubles of his heart
to see his desire to be a good son of Christ
falling into self condemnation by the whispers of the Evil One.
Intercede for him before the Holy Throne of God
along side our Mother of the Word
and all the other Saints
Pray for a release of the bondage to this terrible sin
and the hollow pain that it fills it’s victim’s with.
That Christ’s light and love can penetrate past the Darkness
and fill him up to the brim so that he knows God’s Love
is assured of Christ’s support in his struggle
and the comradery of the Saints in their prayers for his soul.
St. Michael the Archangel who cast down the Devil
Protect this child of God from the whispers of the Evil One
shield his soul from the Devil’s lies
and rip out his snares from his heart that he may be set free
and may bask in the Love of our Lord and His Church.
Amen.
-St. Aleydis Calls
