S
Spoken4
Guest
I apologize that this will be a long post, but there is background… I was recently accused of a serious act of vandalism (specifically, that I had let the air out of a neighbor’s tire), and the neighbor reported the act to our rental community’s property management team. This has resulted in my husband and I being presented with a “Notice to Vacate”, from our home of almost 20 years. I was specifically blamed for the tire-flattening. However, I didn’t do it and I don’t know who did.
The accusers have lived next to us for about a year (give or take a month or so). We’ve lived here for almost 20 years. When the charge was presented to us with the Notice, I was dumbfounded. It was stated that “several neighbors”. none of whom were named for fear of retaliation, had made complaints about us (or actually, me) However, on speaking with our closest neighbors, no one other than our accuser has had ANY problem with us or me. When I mentioned the situation, all of the neighbors were in total disbelief and agreed to advocate if needed. Thus, I have reason to suspect that the property manager is not being honest when she stated that several neighbors (she said about 4) had made complaints. I suspect that this was done to “bolster up” the Notice to Vacate. I also suspect that the landlord (owner) wants to get in here to do updates and get more rent money out of this unit, and this accusation just came at the right time for him. We pay the lowest rent of anyone here and this unit hasn’t been updated in the whole time we lived here. Note that there is precedent for the scenario that I described. A prior neighbor was given notice when his water heater flooded the place while he was out of town, and he was not offered another unit. This was another longtime, good tenant. I’ve heard of others, but I saw this one with my own eyes.
Now, we had had a bit of a disagreement over the use of a corner of the porch for my potted plants which had been in that same spot since we moved in. The neighbor had decided that they wanted the corner and on getting clarification from the management over whose space was whose (this is a duplex with a single front porch), we were told after all this time that due to the layout of the front doors-- the porch “technically” belongs to the neighors and we really have NO front porch space at all. So, I moved my plants elsewhere. Some of the sun-lovers found a space on the very edge of the front walkway. But even that wasn’t good enough. The neighbors continued to move my plants into the grass which I had just recently re-seeded. As best as I could tell, the plants didn’t pose a serious trip hazard or anything. They did, however, occasionally attract wasps that were in search of a drink, usually after I had watered. Even then, I’d alert folks that the wasps were getting water and give a heads’ up to just be careful. The wasps aren’t aggressive and it’s not like they’re just going to swarm up and attack… I’m allergic to stings, but I just give a wide berth and the wasps don’t get disturbed. They move on after a few hours.
After a heads’ up, the neighbor woman asked me yet again to move the plants and admittedly, out of frustration, I said “No, the plants are staying right where they are especially while the wasps are there. You’re allergic to stings, and so am I. IF I move them, and that’s a big IF, it will be when the wasps are off the plants. I have conceded the porch space to you all but the walk is common as I understand it and I want my plants to stay there.” (the plants in question are culinary herbs: basil, rosemary and oregano-- all large pots). That little situation resolved when the trees were trimmed big-time and a sunny area opened up under the tree in the front yard. The walkway plants are now under the tree and out of the way. But I’m still accused of flattening the tire.
I suspect that the accusation of the flattened tire is stemming from this ongoing dispute. We tried to meet cordially with this neighbor and the only thing that they will accept from me is a frank admission that I DID flatten the tire. I did NOT do it. My husband is actually caving to their side and is willing to throw me under the bus! He’s said that if we aren’t able to work this out and keep our home, then he will file for divorce on me and I’ll be left on the street. And he means it 100%-- he WILL push me out and I will literally have NO place to go… no family, no shelters have space for women without kids, and I cannot drive. I was also laid off my job and have no income.
There is the chance that if I make a false confession and say that I did flatten the tire, that we might be able to keep our home. No guarantees, but it’s been pointed out to me that nothing short of a confession of doing the deed is going to be accepted or believed-- not even a “No Contest, You say I did it and nothing I say will convince you otherwise so I won’t contest or argue this and Husband, you are so willing to side with the accusers for whatever reason that you won’t accept my defense so I won’t fight this anymore… etc.”"
Note that I’m only saying No Contest because I am at the point of being worn down. I’ve faced MANY false accusations in life and lost jobs because if them. Often it came to light that I was falsely accused but the damage had already been done. Now here is yet another false accusation that will end me up on the streets, homeless.
As a Catholic, how should I deal with this? In the eyes of the law, this is defamation of character (slander); as a sin, it’s calumny.
Would I be out of line as a Catholic to consider legal action (going to court) for the character defamation because of the serious consequences associated with what was said, or should I simply turn the other cheek?
Lord, help me…
~Spoken4
The accusers have lived next to us for about a year (give or take a month or so). We’ve lived here for almost 20 years. When the charge was presented to us with the Notice, I was dumbfounded. It was stated that “several neighbors”. none of whom were named for fear of retaliation, had made complaints about us (or actually, me) However, on speaking with our closest neighbors, no one other than our accuser has had ANY problem with us or me. When I mentioned the situation, all of the neighbors were in total disbelief and agreed to advocate if needed. Thus, I have reason to suspect that the property manager is not being honest when she stated that several neighbors (she said about 4) had made complaints. I suspect that this was done to “bolster up” the Notice to Vacate. I also suspect that the landlord (owner) wants to get in here to do updates and get more rent money out of this unit, and this accusation just came at the right time for him. We pay the lowest rent of anyone here and this unit hasn’t been updated in the whole time we lived here. Note that there is precedent for the scenario that I described. A prior neighbor was given notice when his water heater flooded the place while he was out of town, and he was not offered another unit. This was another longtime, good tenant. I’ve heard of others, but I saw this one with my own eyes.
Now, we had had a bit of a disagreement over the use of a corner of the porch for my potted plants which had been in that same spot since we moved in. The neighbor had decided that they wanted the corner and on getting clarification from the management over whose space was whose (this is a duplex with a single front porch), we were told after all this time that due to the layout of the front doors-- the porch “technically” belongs to the neighors and we really have NO front porch space at all. So, I moved my plants elsewhere. Some of the sun-lovers found a space on the very edge of the front walkway. But even that wasn’t good enough. The neighbors continued to move my plants into the grass which I had just recently re-seeded. As best as I could tell, the plants didn’t pose a serious trip hazard or anything. They did, however, occasionally attract wasps that were in search of a drink, usually after I had watered. Even then, I’d alert folks that the wasps were getting water and give a heads’ up to just be careful. The wasps aren’t aggressive and it’s not like they’re just going to swarm up and attack… I’m allergic to stings, but I just give a wide berth and the wasps don’t get disturbed. They move on after a few hours.
After a heads’ up, the neighbor woman asked me yet again to move the plants and admittedly, out of frustration, I said “No, the plants are staying right where they are especially while the wasps are there. You’re allergic to stings, and so am I. IF I move them, and that’s a big IF, it will be when the wasps are off the plants. I have conceded the porch space to you all but the walk is common as I understand it and I want my plants to stay there.” (the plants in question are culinary herbs: basil, rosemary and oregano-- all large pots). That little situation resolved when the trees were trimmed big-time and a sunny area opened up under the tree in the front yard. The walkway plants are now under the tree and out of the way. But I’m still accused of flattening the tire.
I suspect that the accusation of the flattened tire is stemming from this ongoing dispute. We tried to meet cordially with this neighbor and the only thing that they will accept from me is a frank admission that I DID flatten the tire. I did NOT do it. My husband is actually caving to their side and is willing to throw me under the bus! He’s said that if we aren’t able to work this out and keep our home, then he will file for divorce on me and I’ll be left on the street. And he means it 100%-- he WILL push me out and I will literally have NO place to go… no family, no shelters have space for women without kids, and I cannot drive. I was also laid off my job and have no income.
There is the chance that if I make a false confession and say that I did flatten the tire, that we might be able to keep our home. No guarantees, but it’s been pointed out to me that nothing short of a confession of doing the deed is going to be accepted or believed-- not even a “No Contest, You say I did it and nothing I say will convince you otherwise so I won’t contest or argue this and Husband, you are so willing to side with the accusers for whatever reason that you won’t accept my defense so I won’t fight this anymore… etc.”"
Note that I’m only saying No Contest because I am at the point of being worn down. I’ve faced MANY false accusations in life and lost jobs because if them. Often it came to light that I was falsely accused but the damage had already been done. Now here is yet another false accusation that will end me up on the streets, homeless.
As a Catholic, how should I deal with this? In the eyes of the law, this is defamation of character (slander); as a sin, it’s calumny.
Would I be out of line as a Catholic to consider legal action (going to court) for the character defamation because of the serious consequences associated with what was said, or should I simply turn the other cheek?
Lord, help me…
~Spoken4
