Defending marriage without being mean

[mitex]

I’m up to my head in frustration with everyone on the culture war. I believe in traditional marriage and I have a homosexual orientation but I’m celibate. But is it possible to defend marriage without being mean or name calling, and saying all these horrible things about people like me.

Because I left RCIA twice because of the kind of rhetoric that I’m sampling below. I love the Catholic Church’s traditions, history, and message. But I just can’t deal with the stuff that’s coming of some peoples’ mouthes. And if things were just so much calmer and friendlier I’d come back in an instant.

Everywhere I look on all sides there’s hate. I get hurt and angry when some uneducated person stands up and says horrible things about homosexuals (how their somehow pedophiles, promiscuous, AIDS is God’s punishment, SSA is a pathology etc)

I’m tired of it all. And to be fair there are a lot of mean gay people out there too. I’m tired of it on both sides. I’m all for protecting marriage and keeping it between a man and a woman. But I’m just so sickened and turned off when some people say these things.

I believe marriage is the only appropriate place for sexual intercourse. I’m celibate, and I’m an example of what happens when you reach out with love and kindness. But I just can’t deal with some people who are saying those things I sampled. And please don’t try to deny all of this and say how I’m a threat to religious freedom. Do deny that there is not a problem.

Can we all just take a breath and move forward with love without name calling or using mean spirited lies in desperation. Because that’s what I’m sensing is desperation, hatred, and misunderstanding. Every time I log in here I see posts on homosexuality and I cannot believe what I’m seeing.

I’ll defend marriage and the family in a heartbeat. But don’t expect me to do it if I have to be mean or resort to hate.

Is it possible to do what I’m seeking. Can we just be nice and loving in the way we reach to people and while defending marriage with love and just being nice?

I like to cite Archbishops Mahony, and Nichols as examples of people who can do this.

Or am I just being too sensitive and idealistic?

 

[vsedriver]

it is impossible to control the behavior of others. We can only control our own behavior. When people say stupid and hurtful things, have pity on them for their ignorance.

I’m sorry to hear that you dropped out of RCIA because of the people. You should never join a church because of the people but because it is a right and true faith.

I’m glad you support traditional marriage. I’m often accused of ‘being mean’ because I support traditional marriage. Gays are not the only ones called to celibacy. All unmarried people are to be chaste and celibate.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I understand your pain. Yes, people can be cruel…very cruel. Is there anyway to change that? No, unfortunately we cannot change others. What I tend to do is pray that I may become a light to the world in it’s darkness. I pray that you realize that you are an example of Jesus to those that are hateful. Please don’t give up on the Church based on the people. I know how easy it is to do when we are hurt. I’ve been there–interracial marriage with several children, two of whom are autistic, all while living in the Southeast–where I’m the one everyone says hurtful pieces of enlightenment to, whispers about, stares at, etc. Yes, at a Catholic Church! I know how easy it is to want to avoid those people and places that cause us pain and stress and anxiety and anger. Please attempt to focus on God as you work through RCIA. I promise you that I would NEVER be a member of a group of any kind that was full of hate against anyone. No, the Church did not hate my family. Some people who were ignorant did. The Church does not say hateful things about you or homosexuals in general. Ignorant people do. It is unfair. Rest assured that you are in my prayers during your faith journey

 

[runningdude]

Always remember first and foremost that the Church’s teachings are based on love and human dignity. Name calling, insults and political cheep shots do not convey the fundamental respect for human life that is inherent in all church teaching.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast.

 

[mitex]

Thanks guys. Sometimes it can be hard dealing with people on both sides of the aisle.

 

[marymary1975]

Always remember first and foremost that the Church’s teachings are based on love and human dignity. Name calling, insults and political cheep shots do not convey the fundamental respect for human life that is inherent in all church teaching.

This is very true! Also, remember what we are against is the sin itself, we have to love the person and treat them with respect and dignity. Do not give up on the church because of the behavior of some. We are in the church because we believe in Jesus and in his teaching not people. Another thing to remember is that usually hateful people tend to make a lot of noise. I am sure that there are many people who can address this issue in a respectful and good way. The problem is that the hateful are so loud that sometimes it makes it difficult to find the peaceful people but don’t let that bring you down. As someone else said, pray, offer your sacrifices to Jesus and be a light between the hateful people.

It is really unfortunate that there is so much hate in both sides but we live in a culture that is filled up with violence everywhere. We need more people to be like you. You cannot control others but you can probably remind them in a very polite way that what we are against here is the sin not the person and that name calling is not the catholic thing to do. Also, congratulations on living a celibate life! We are all called to celibacy and it is amazing that you are living your life by Jesus. Again, keep praying, pray for those hateful people and ask Jesus to give them his understanding and pray for the conversion of all sinners and for a world full of his peace, not violence.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

There are times when I have learned to shut up and pray. There is no point engaging certain people about homosexuals, abortion, etc. They aren’t going to change my mind and getting me angry about it just makes things worse. There’s one guy in my RCIA group that is kind of “odd” about the rants he will go on. I just shut up and pray silently.

 

[mitex]

This is very true! Also, remember what we are against is the sin itself, we have to love the person and treat them with respect and dignity. Do not give up on the church because of the behavior of some. We are in the church because we believe in Jesus and in his teaching not people. Another thing to remember is that usually hateful people tend to make a lot of noise. I am sure that there are many people who can address this issue in a respectful and good way. The problem is that the hateful are so loud that sometimes it makes it difficult to find the peaceful people but don’t let that bring you down. As someone else said, pray, offer your sacrifices to Jesus and be a light between the hateful people.

It is really unfortunate that there is so much hate in both sides but we live in a culture that is filled up with violence everywhere. We need more people to be like you. You cannot control others but you can probably remind them in a very polite way that what we are against here is the sin not the person and that name calling is not the catholic thing to do. Also, congratulations on living a celibate life! We are all called to celibacy and it is amazing that you are living your life by Jesus. Again, keep praying, pray for those hateful people and ask Jesus to give them his understanding and pray for the conversion of all sinners and for a world full of his peace, not violence.

Hahahahahaha thanks it can be hard sometimes. Gays call me a traitor and there are some Catholics and Evangelicals who don’t take me seriously and what not because I never experienced a change in my orientation.

Actually when I went to therapy it only got stronger hahaha. So yeah I get flak from both sides.