Defensive candidate

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kedera

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Hey ya’ll, I hope this is the right place for this question. I just need a little advise. I came into the church last easter. I couldn’t be happier! This year I have the privilage of sponsoring a friend of mine in RCIA. In our class, we have this one candiate that is coming from a Baptist backgound (like myself) and she is being sponsored by her mother in law who is a cradle catholic. This candidate married a catholic and now she has decided to become catholic. She is a very nice lady, but in class when we talk about certain things like purgatory (that was the big one this week), she becomes instantly defensive saying that it is unbiblical and refuses to accept it, even when given a reasonable explaination. I remember going through that defensive stage in my conversion before I was in RCIA, but she is already 4 months into RCIA. I feel like she may be frustrated or uncertain about things. I just wanted to see if any of you could offer a little more insight. Thanks ahead of time.

kedera
 
I wasn’t a convert to Catholicism, but I can answer you from the standpoint of someone who came back to the Church from a place of strong disagreement with it on just about everything. I had to be converted. It was a real struggle and there were many things that simply felt threatening, for whatever reason. The heart may want to be Catholic, but the head isn’t yet with the program. If a person reacts strongly to a particular belief, it may come from some similar sense of threat that might make no sense to a Catholic but exists nonetheless. Also most Protestant denominations don’t have a lot of dogma or rules to cover every aspect of life. That in itself can feel oppressive, intrusive and threatening rather than life-giving, as you may have experienced yourself. It takes prayer and time - sometimes lots of time. Arguing is a mistake. The information should be simply presented with the reasons for the belief and then left to God to work with the person. Pray for the candidate and encourage the candidate to pray for guidance. Personally, I’ve found that if I cooperate with God, He often has a way of changing our objections Himself in some interior way without the need for convincing arguments. Sometimes it happens in an “a-ha!” moment and sometimes they just change without my even being aware of it. Compassion and prayer - not convincing arguments - are most effective, or at least they were with me. I hope this helps a little.
 
kedera said:
Hey ya’ll, I hope this is the right place for this question. I just need a little advise. I came into the church last easter. I couldn’t be happier! This year I have the privilage of sponsoring a friend of mine in RCIA. In our class, we have this one candiate that is coming from a Baptist backgound (like myself) and she is being sponsored by her mother in law who is a cradle catholic. This candidate married a catholic and now she has decided to become catholic. She is a very nice lady, but in class when we talk about certain things like purgatory (that was the big one this week), she becomes instantly defensive saying that it is unbiblical and refuses to accept it, even when given a reasonable explaination. I remember going through that defensive stage in my conversion before I was in RCIA, but she is already 4 months into RCIA. I feel like she may be frustrated or uncertain about things. I just wanted to see if any of you could offer a little more insight. Thanks ahead of time.

kedera
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This is exactly why we have a stage of RCIA called INQUIRY that lasts from 6 to 12 weeks, (for some people it may be longer). This is the stage where these major questions are asked and answered. This is where uncertainity and defensiveness should be expressed and addressed. People who have not gotten past this stage can cause great harm to others. She and her Sponsor should be in INQUIRY, not the Candidate stage of RCIA, She should have never been permitted to go through the Rite of Welcome until that was worked out.
 
Get a set of the Beginning Apologetics workbooks, or some other good Scriptural Apologetics resources - this way you can answer her questions!!
 
If the candidate continues to have problems with Catholic teaching in spite of having it explained it to her, then she may not be ready to become Catholic.

As others suggested, perhaps some good reading material is in order.
 
Thanks for all of the great responses. I think that this person is really wanting unity with her family since they have children, and her husbands family has really made a big deal out of it (they are really happy about her converting) so I think she is trying to push herself too hard as a result. No one is being arguementative with her or anything like that, they are afraid to talk with her because she is sooooo adament that certain teachings are just wrong and unbiblical. I will look into some of the books suggested though.

I went through something very similar before I ever even considered becoming Catholic, but I was determined to understand things the way they were meant to be understood, outside of my feelings as a Baptist. I would like for her to be more at peace with things and I would like to see her more open to learning about all of it.
 
The best book that I would recommend is “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating.

He answers every objection and misconception that non-Catholics would have.
 
kedera said:
Hey ya’ll, I hope this is the right place for this question. I just need a little advise. I came into the church last easter. I couldn’t be happier! This year I have the privilage of sponsoring a friend of mine in RCIA. In our class, we have this one candiate that is coming from a Baptist backgound (like myself) and she is being sponsored by her mother in law who is a cradle catholic. This candidate married a catholic and now she has decided to become catholic. She is a very nice lady, but in class when we talk about certain things like purgatory (that was the big one this week), she becomes instantly defensive saying that it is unbiblical and refuses to accept it, even when given a reasonable explaination. I remember going through that defensive stage in my conversion before I was in RCIA, but she is already 4 months into RCIA. I feel like she may be frustrated or uncertain about things. I just wanted to see if any of you could offer a little more insight. Thanks ahead of time.

kedera
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It sounds to me that this woman is feeling pressure to convert.either internal or external.Under NO circumstances should she “convert” if she is in disagreement with the basics of Catholicism.She should convert ONLY if SHE desires to do so and should be supported by the priest and her family should she choose not to.
 
In our Diocese, the Bishop strongly recommends that we have a year round Inquiry process that runs alongside the Catechesis process, rather than have an artificial time (whether it be one month or four) when people are supposed to be “done” with their Inquiry phase, and ready for Catechesis.

It seems to me that this lady needs to go back into the Inquiry phase and work out her issues before returning to the Catechesis phase - if there is an opportunity for her to do that, encourage her, because the Inquiry facilitators will be better equipped to help her deal with her questions.
 
Dorothy said:
The best book that I would recommend is “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating.

He answers every objection and misconception that non-Catholics would have.
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This book is excellent and I highly recommend it myself. Little did I know when I borrowed it from a friend years ago that that was the start of my own conversion.

ChadS
 
jmcrae said:
In our Diocese, the Bishop strongly recommends that we have a year round Inquiry process that runs alongside the Catechesis process, rather than have an artificial time (whether it be one month or four) when people are supposed to be “done” with their Inquiry phase, and ready for Catechesis.

It seems to me that this lady needs to go back into the Inquiry phase and work out her issues before returning to the Catechesis phase - if there is an opportunity for her to do that, encourage her, because the Inquiry facilitators will be better equipped to help her deal with her questions.
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I agree with you in my post above. I also feel this person really wants to talk through these questions, be guided in looking at the Scripture references and other. She needs people who will work with her and her sponsor. I don’t believe handing her a book no matter how good it is (and many of the suggestions are useful) is going to help her.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
I agree with you in my post above. I also feel this person really wants to talk through these questions, be guided in looking at the Scripture references and other. She needs people who will work with her and her sponsor. I don’t believe handing her a book no matter how good it is (and many of the suggestions are useful) is going to help her.
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True. At this point in her journey, friendship and guidance is just as important as information-gathering. She needs a place to vent, and people who are strong enough in their faith to be able to listen calmly and ask her what she needs.

One thing I found very helpful when I had angry Inquirers was to say, “You seem very upset. What can I do, at this moment, to help you get past this?” Because they know what they need.
 
You can memorize this if it’ll help, for some scriptural basis behind purgatory:
scripturecatholic.com/purgatory.html

Or, if you’re comfortable, point her to that and see if she is open to the concept.

You could ask her how, when dying in sin, no unclean soul can get into Heaven. Ask her what would need to happen from there.
 
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