Defining gossip

[Anglewannabe]

I was just wondering what is considered gossip. In my opinion, talking about someone’s personal business, when they are not in the room is gossip. Even if it is not a serious issue, but still could be upsetting to them.

For example, I see nothing wrong with saying ‘I was at the store and I bumped into Sally’, since I am simply stating a fact.

However, if I as to say ‘I bumped into Sally at the store and she ripped her pants and everyone could see her underwear’, is gossip, because chances are, Sally is already embarrassed enough there is no need to repeat it.

Or… If I don’t know someone and someone says ‘I know a woman who was had in a credit card scam’, since the person’s name was not given it is OL/

However, if someone says ‘Julie Lastname lost thousands in a credit card scam’, I consider that gossip, even if the person telling me thinks Julie wouldn’t mind me knowing.

So my question is, is my definition of gossip correct, or too strict?

Angie

 

[bisco]

it’s usually derogatory, or inflammatory, and betrays trust. sometimes, it’s about repeating things that you don’t know are true. if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

 

[Xantippe]

I was just wondering what is considered gossip. In my opinion, talking about someone’s personal business, when they are not in the room is gossip. Even if it is not a serious issue, but still could be upsetting to them.

For example, I see nothing wrong with saying ‘I was at the store and I bumped into Sally’, since I am simply stating a fact.

However, if I as to say ‘I bumped into Sally at the store and she ripped her pants and everyone could see her underwear’, is gossip, because chances are, Sally is already embarrassed enough there is no need to repeat it.

Or… If I don’t know someone and someone says ‘I know a woman who was had in a credit card scam’, since the person’s name was not given it is OL/

However, if someone says ‘Julie Lastname lost thousands in a credit card scam’, I consider that gossip, even if the person telling me thinks Julie wouldn’t mind me knowing.

So my question is, is my definition of gossip correct, or too strict?

Angie

How about, “Sally’s ripped her pants. Does anybody have a pair of gym pants they could share with her?”

Or how about, “Julie Lastname lost thousands in a credit card scam. Don’t give her a hard time about not contributing to the teacher gift fund this year and don’t guilt her for not buying Girl Scout cookies.”

Or, “Liz had a miscarriage last year. If she doesn’t want to come to your baby shower, don’t press her.”

Or, “I just heard that Joanne has cancer. Let’s start meal delivery to her family.”

There are grey areas (hence the famous Protestant prayer-request-as-gossip-conveyor-belt issue), but “Is this constructive?” is a good question to ask. There are a lot of instances where sharing bad news about other people is essential for mobilizing help for them and getting other people to treat them more compassionately.

 

[Lumdrop]

You know gossip when you hear it.
Usually, if you think you’re gossiping, you probably are and should stop and change the subject.
Its not that complicated.

General rule of thumb seems to be though that if the subject is negative, mean, or about defaming someone, its probably gossip.
Gossiping nice things is fine though! I do nice gossip about my friends all the time

 

[7_Sorrows]

I have to be honest and admit that gossip is one of the sins I struggle with. However, on a scale of 1-10 I would put myself around 4. I don’t make it a habit to engage in it on a daily basis. There are definitely people who I am more prone to gossip with so if I avoid those people I am not as tempted. I know gossip is very conmon in the work place and-gasp!-church communities. Surprisingly I remember a study that actually said gossip is healthy, but I do believe it can be desttuctive!

 

[Ms_Manners]

How about, “Sally’s ripped her pants. Does anybody have a pair of gym pants they could share with her?”

Or how about, “Julie Lastname lost thousands in a credit card scam. Don’t give her a hard time about not contributing to the teacher gift fund this year and don’t guilt her for not buying Girl Scout cookies.”

Or, “Liz had a miscarriage last year. If she doesn’t want to come to your baby shower, don’t press her.”

Or, “I just heard that Joanne has cancer. Let’s start meal delivery to her family.”

There are grey areas (hence the famous Protestant prayer-request-as-gossip-conveyor-belt issue), but “Is this constructive?” is a good question to ask. There are a lot of instances where sharing bad news about other people is essential for mobilizing help for them and getting other people to treat them more compassionately.

For me these are less about gossip itself, and more about privacy.

I am very private.
If I told someone about a financial loss/cancer/miscarriage, I would definitely not want that person to spread the word, even if it is in this context. Even if almost everyone knew, it would be my decision to decide it is time that we lose the “almost” and make something public knowledge.
In the last example, I would prefer that at least a member of my family be consulted before making such information public knowledge.

 

[Xantippe]

For me these are less about gossip itself, and more about privacy.

I am very private.
If I told someone about a financial loss/cancer/miscarriage, I would definitely not want that person to spread the word, even if it is in this context. Even if almost everyone knew, it would be my decision to decide it is time that we lose the “almost” and make something public knowledge.
In the last example, I would prefer that at least a member of my family be consulted before making such information public knowledge.

Ah, privacy is a good point.

I’m a little different, though. If I had some major setback like the ones I’ve mentioned, I would prefer that the issues involved be discussed without me, so that I don’t have to deal with it or do the same painful and embarrassing conversation over and over again with different people.