Defining your sexuality

[Vico]

Vico:

Do you understand what the Catechism is stating about relations, because that is what I am communicating to you.

OK, cool – yes, the CCC’s definition of “homosexuality” as “relations” goes directly against common usage. But if we define it that way, then, yes, anyone who actively has sex with the same sex is “acting as a homosexual”. But to use the word as an adjective to describe them is a bridge too far.

The Church is translating a Latin word into English, and it doesn’t work well.

Collins Dictionary:

• heterosexuality, noun: sexual attraction to or sexual relations with a person or persons of the opposite sex.
• homosexuality, noun: sexual attraction to or sexual relations with members of the same sex.

 

[Thorolfr]

The thing is is that mothers and fathers model to their children proper relationships with the opposite sex. A good father teaches his daughter how men should treat the women they love so that she does not end up with someone abusive.

Having parents of both sexes does not guarantee a specific outcome. Many children grow up in families that have both a mother and a father which are dysfunctional nevertheless. And people grow up in families like mine with model parents of both sexes and still don’t learn “proper relationships with the opposite sex”. I turned out gay.

One website I was looking at said that boys need a father figure so that they can learn how to be a man. It didn’t seem to work on me if being a man means growing up to like sports, shooting guns, hunting, working on automobile engines, having a sexual relationship with a woman or many of the other activities that are often considered to be “manly”. I’m not interested in hardly any of those kinds of things.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

And people grow up in families like mine with model parents of both sexes and still don’t learn “proper relationships with the opposite sex”. I turned out gay.

What does the one have to do with the other? Plenty of gay men have very good habits of treating women well.

One website I was looking at said that boys need a father figure so that they can learn how to be a man. It didn’t seem to work on me if being a man means growing up to like sports, shooting guns, hunting, working on automobile engines, having a sexual relationship with a woman or many of the other activities that are often considered to be “manly”.

What stereotypes!

Being a man means knowing how to handle your strong emotions (including anger) without making other people’s lives miserable or being a pushover. Being a man means being firm in defending the truth without ridiculing those who disagree. Being a man means possessing virtues, and shunning vices. Being a man means knowing how to relate to other men who love the things you mention without making them feel like you’re an outsider, even if you don’t like the things they like.

I daresay your father didn’t teach you those things, Thorolfr, though you seem to have picked up some of them. From age six on, I didn’t have a father, so I didn’t learn those things from him either. But many boys do, and I have seen it firsthand. Boys do not effectively learn how to be a man from mothers, though mothers most certainly help.

 

[Alex337]

Being a man means knowing how to handle your strong emotions (including anger) without making other people’s lives miserable or being a pushover. Being a man means being firm in defending the truth without ridiculing those who disagree. Being a man means possessing virtues, and shunning vices. Being a man means knowing how to relate to other men who love the things you mention without making them feel like you’re an outsider, even if you don’t like the things they like.

… I’m a man? I mean I learned all those things too.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

… I’m a man? I mean I learned all those things too.

You seem to be thinking I said it was impossible to learn those things without a good dad. I never said that. I didn’t have a dad for most of my childhood.

 

[Alex337]

Alex337:

… I’m a man? I mean I learned all those things too.

You seem to be thinking I said it was impossible to learn those things without a good dad. I never said that. I didn’t have a dad for most of my childhood.

Heh, actually I was disputing that those are things somehow unique to men.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Heh, actually I was disputing that those are things somehow unique to men.

Ahhh, I didn’t say they were unique to men, either. My point was that they are far more important to masculinity than

growing up to like sports, shooting guns, hunting, working on automobile engines, having a sexual relationship with a woman

are.

 

[Alex337]

I suppose I think these virtues don’t have much to do with gender? One could view them as nicer ways to be masculine, but I don’t know how connected they are either.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I suppose I think these virtues don’t have much to do with gender? One could view them as nicer ways to be masculine, but I don’t know how connected they are either.

Do you think that there are significant biological differences between men and women – on average, even if there are exceptions?

 

[Alex337]

Alex337:

I suppose I think these virtues don’t have much to do with gender? One could view them as nicer ways to be masculine, but I don’t know how connected they are either.

Do you think that there are significant biological differences between men and women – on average, even if there are exceptions?

To be honest? I’m one of those terrible people who believe that gender is a social construct. So while there may be some things on average about the sexes I believe there are a whole lot of exceptions. I’m an exception to too many rules not to believe this.

 

[guanophore]

Everyone ponders their sexual preferences

I am not sure this is true. I think most heterosexual persons don’t need to think about it much.

 

[Cruciferi]

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[JimG]

The term “heterosexual” was first published in 1892. Male and female are established biology, but sexual “orientations” came late to the game. “Heterosexual” was first used as term for sexual pathology meaning a "morbid sexual passion for one of the opposite sex,” as a sort of counterpart to a morbid passion for one of the same sex. People have always had a variety of sexual feelings but those are not their identity. People are either male or female. Now we have reached a stage where physical biology is being overturned in favor of subjectivity. So I hope you are right that people don’t think about it much because overthinking it is what causes problems.

 

[Alex337]

Sexuality is one part of a person’s identity. Much like nationality or occupation.

 

[JimG]

Or favorite color, or favorite hobby, or personal likes and dislikes, or personal politics or personal feelings, or personality type.

 

[Alex337]

Yep, though it does influence more of your life than some of those.

 

[guanophore]

Yep, though it does influence more of your life than some of those.

I think this depends upon one’s lifestyle choices. If one defines themselves centering around their sexuality, then it will influence their life much more than all of those.

If one has placed their sexuality in submission to Christ, then one will be celibate, abstinent, or within the marital embrace.

 

[Alex337]

Alex337:

Yep, though it does influence more of your life than some of those.

I think this depends upon one’s lifestyle choices. If one defines themselves centering around their sexuality, then it will influence their life much more than all of those.

If one has placed their sexuality in submission to Christ, then one will be celibate, abstinent, or within the marital embrace.

Any of those options are still informed by your sexuality I’m afraid. Let’s look at a break down;
Choose celibacy or abstinance -
Of you have an allosexual proclivity this will be a test.
If you were asexual it will be far easier.

Choose marriage -
Who you marry will be informed by your sexuality.

 

[Jump4Joy]

I think if someone figures out you have gay or bisexual tendencies you will be harassed.

 

[Jump4Joy]

I don’t know how someone can hide being gay for long though. It will come out through conversation. Being gay doesn’t define you, but has a stronger impact on your life.