Deja Vu: I Think I Foiled God's Plan - Yet Again!

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It all started in mid-June of 2001 on a beautiful warm evening while waiting for the bus at the local University. There was only one other person with me at the time. While taking in summer’s scents, sights and sounds, I was suddenly, but silently startled to see a beautiful Hispanic young woman approach the stop while noticeably struggling to suppress a smile as she shifted her gaze away from me. That’s when panic suddenly struck! I tried desperately to convince myself that I was completely unworthy of such a dazzling work of God’s creation! She was intellectually perfect so I thought; just far too perfect for a slouch like me.

So, I pretended she wasn’t even there. I successfully managed to maintain my focus on a couple of ugly trees directly in front of me and away from the item that ‘accidentally’ fell on the ground from her purse right next to my feet. Again I pretended not to notice. Then I received a light tap on my right shoulder and a voice that whispered from behind me, “opportunity, take it!” But I wouldn’t budge; for some very odd reason I became absolutely frozen - completely petrified with fear - and just stood there staring a couple of minutes further, eventually forcing the young beauty to pick up the object just as the bus arrived. The buses’ arrival succeeded in breaking my focus; but so had it embarrassed and broke the heart of the lovely lady stepping aboard. I knew the bus driver, and he appeared to know me only too well.Then started preaching to me about the consequences of throwing away such a rare opportunity for all in the packed bus to hear - this had to have been a setup from the start, so I convinced myself!

Seventeen years later I am 54 years old. Still single and unemployed, but no longer struggling with mental illness as I had been years before, I am for the first time in my life feeling empowered, strong and liberated! I was until today, the 12th of July, assured that God would direct my every step and direction! Nothing was going to stop me, so I thought.

This year, summer was proving to be a nice warm one, so I decided to take a long leasurly walk through the city’s main park. Having spent an hour just slowly taking in God’s great creation, and after stopping by the river for the view, I turned, got back onto the main pathway and wham, virtually bumped into you’ll never guess who! She was obviously very happy to see me and as beautifully as ever, said a very sweet, polite hello and started talking about how things had been! And me? Although failing to freeze up the way I had before, instead of returning the favor, I managed to crack a nice big smile, only to be followed immediately by a an ugly big frown of regret! Her vibrant mood quickly and visibly turned into one of disappointment and anger. I was taken aback by that obviously! I’ll never forget the last look on her face as she quickly stepped away; it seemed to be screaming “you have shamefully brought this misfortune onto yourself!”

Have I really botched the plan God ultimately had for the two of us? Perhaps someone somewhere with a similar experience could possibly help me out with this! It’s killing me to say the least! God bless!
 
I think it’s a bit much to presume that God had a big plan for you and some lady you saw for all of 2 minutes at a bus stop.

Also, did you somehow make friends with this lady sometime between the bus stop and the encounter 17 years later on the park path? It would seem you did, if she was happy to see you and started talking about how things had been. If you know her that well, and she lives in your city, I would think it would not be so hard for you to locate her and ask her out, instead of engaging in these weird fantasies about how you “botched” God’s plan.
 
You mention that you were struggling with mental illness back then. Do you think that might have altered your perceptions of the first interaction? I find it hard to believe that you smiled at someone on a bus stop and then you two remembered each other 17 years later. You also seemed to think that you know what she was thinking, saying that she was embarrassed and broken hearted. Again, not sure you were totally lucid.

Your perception of the second meeting sounds a little off as well. Are you sure this isn’t all in your head?

At any rate, I think you should not obsess over this and focus on getting a job and attending to your mental health.
 
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Yeah, I know it sounds like a bit of a stretch, but I was, and still am, notoriously famous at the university and the city in general for my unique physique in that I have a distinctive hunch in my back, much like scoliosis and my frame is basically ultra-slender. Whatever or whoever finds anything attractive about that is simply beyond me, haha! I used to run frequent errands throughout the entire city for a few years and my appearance hasn’t really changed all that much at all since first meeting her.

I may be a little presumptuous, but she did deliberately drop something in front of me with the hopes that I’d pick it up. She expressed her frustration with a huff when she had to pick it up herself. This is something I distinctly remember. Had I listened to the guy behind me, I would have likely had the chance to get familiar with her and obtain any contact information that I needed.

So, although it’s been so may years and the fact that I do not know her that well at all, I’ll never forget her face. And there’s only one person in the world that distinctly looks like her. And when meeting again at the park, we almost immediately recognized each other. And why would she start reminescing about the past with a complete stranger? Some things will indeed remain stranger than fiction I suppose!

I’m just sort of bewildered by what had happened and the manner in which id did! Perhaps it just turns out to be some sort of fluke event after all! LOL!
 
I tend to build things up in my mind and memory into things they never were, or are. It sounds like you are doing the same thing.
 
The one thing I definitely agree on…I must get myself a job. That for me me right now is my greatest priority. You are also right in that I should definitely not obsess over this, especially now that things are completely beyond my control.

She was clearly disappointed and embarrassed, however, when I failed to pick up the item she had dropped in front of me. I remember how she’d walk in front of me to pick it up, giving out a giant huff and then walking away abruptly without so much as a smile or a hello. As for what happened at the park, she was the one who approached me first and started talking about things years ago; I hardly see how that could just simply be manufactured in my head.

I guess I should just let this go and accept the fact that things are what they are and just move on! 🙂
 
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People ruin God’s plans for them all the time when they fail to respond accordingly. This unfortunately was my own undoing, and I must face the consequences of my actions, however insignificant they are perceived to be! 🙂
 
We have a free will and can easily , as we sometimes do, stray from the all-powerful will of God.
 
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Thank you all for your kindness. I appreciate how you’ve attempted to convince me that things haven’t worked out the way I perceived them. It would be such a consolation form you all were it not for the actual facts of the matter that actually transpired. But, thanks to you, I’m learning to accept the consequences of my actions and also never to repeat them again! From now on, I’ll focus less on myself, find a good job and get on with life in a responsible manner especially helping others in similar need! God Bless you all! 🙂
 
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