'Absolution must always be refused to penitents who are certainly not disposed. The confessor would be guilty of sacrilege if he administered absolution to penitents whose indisposition was certain, in whatever state of need the penitent might be; for, in this case, the confessor would utter the sacramental formula in vain, and such abuse is sinful.
. . .
Absolution must, as a rule, be deferred in the case of those penitents who are altogether doubtfully disposed. For the confessor must take care that he does not presumptuously expose the Sacrament to the danger of nullity and commit a great sacrilege. Penitents are to be regarded as doubtfully disposed who, having a duty to fulfill sub gravi, such, for example, as removing an immediate occasion of sin, laying aside a vicious habit, making restitution, giving up an enmity, have promised to do their duty and failed to keep the promise. Failure to comply with the obligation does not point infallibly to a lack of proper dispositions, but it necessarily gives rise to well-founded doubts.
. . .
It is universally admitted and also approved by St. Alphonsus that a doubtfully disposed penitent can be absolved, sub conditione, of course, when he himself, bona fide, believes that he is sufficiently disposed, and when there is a causa gravis for believing that the refusal or postponement of absolution would cause him to fall into a worse state; for example, commit another sacrilege, or become totally estranged from the Sacraments.
But in other cases where such evils are not to be feared, the confessor must defer absolution for doubtfully disposed penitents till they have shown themselves to be better disposed. This applies especially to relapsing sinners and to occasionarii. " Do not refuse absolution to the penitent, but postpone it," is the exhortation of Segneri to confessors. “He must come again within a fixed time. In the meanwhile he may make himself more worthy and then give more trustworthy signs of sorrow.”’
- Theory and Practice of the Confessional
To be truly repentant one must be determined not to commit a certain sin again, ever, forever, period. And to do whatever is necessary to achieve and keep this state.
That includes giving up near occasions of sin, and various other things that may seem quite extreme to the penitent’s normal mode of life. Giving up television, much entertainment, certain companions, etc. very basics of Christianity really.
This can be hard to face, and the relief of the Confessional’s forgiveness must not become hmm… something detrimental to permanent repentance and what it takes for that… In the past, penances more accurately reflected the gravity of sin, rather than the sad current state of affairs where people have no idea… so that contributes to it…
‘In doing penance it is necessary to deprive oneself of as many lawful pleasures as we had the misfortune to indulge in unlawful ones.’
Pope St. Gregory the Great
