Dementia and Christmas - - Can I bend your ear a little?

[aicirt]

We took care of my Mom who had Alzheimer’s. Hospice offered to take her. We hadn’t been to our son’s home in over two years. Owed it to ourselves and to him. You owe it to yourself. You need a break and catch your breath. Have a few laughs, eat and enjoy. It is okay.

 

[DaveBj]

^All of the above.

 

[JRKH]

^All of the above.

Amen Dave…

I truly appreciate the support everyone gives me…As I’m sure we all know, there are always complex issues involved in these things…What we know intellectually vs what we “want”…and then - is what we "want’ also what we really “need” or “should” do…

Even knowing what our loved would say if they could isn’t always a help because we know that - in serious circumstances - we would ignore them and stay close by.

Caregiving is a tricky job…even more so when the patient is someone you love so dearly…even more than yourself…

But - to tell the truth I AM looking forward to the break and seeing the family. It will be noisy and fun and lots of good food and hugs and who knows…even an argument or two (been known to happen ) Will probably get to meet a niece and nephew I haven’t seen yet as well.

The great thing is that the unit my lady will be on is only a mile or two away from my mom’s house. So it will be easy for me to see her and still go to the party…And if anyone feels like it they too can stop by and see her.

Anyway - thanks again everybody.

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Maltmom sent me a PM asking about my Christmas and I thought I’d post the response for everyone who supported me in my decision…So here goes…

The family party was great. Had a very good time and got lots of hugs. A couple of my siblings knew I was coming - but the rest of the family did not and so were surprised. My brother and I got to play around with our guitars - and tune up my granddaughter’s new one (Christmas present).

My dear lady did not do so well. She was depressed and did not eat well at all. I’m sure it was partly because one day I could not get in to see her at all due to the weather. But I have her home now and familiar surroundings and getting back into her routine should help.

The day I did not get in - bad weather - I used to make jam, had some 2 quarts of mulberries, two cups of blackberries and some canned blueberries so I dumped them all together, cooked them into a mixed berry jam…got 9+ pints and it didn’t turn too bad if I do say so myself.

Hope you all had a great Christmas and that you will all have a blessed and safe New Years.

Peace
James

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks for the update, and I hope you aren’t blaming yourself too much because your wife was depressed. You really needed the time away and I’m sure she didn’t go through anything harmful in just a couple of days.

 

[maltmom]

Like I told him in my response to his response…there are a lot of people here who care a lot about him and his wife. I’m sure he has felt that while reading the messages posted here.

 

[JRKH]

Thanks for the update, and I hope you aren’t blaming yourself too much because your wife was depressed. You really needed the time away and I’m sure she didn’t go through anything harmful in just a couple of days.

No - I try not to play the blame game…It is what it is…

Which is not to say that I can’t be critical of myself (or others) in regards to taking good care of my lady but I try to restrict such criticism to that which corrects and improves rather than that which chastises and runs down.

She ate pretty good for me today, spent time in the living room (slept mostly) got some kisses and gave some kisses. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I’ll get some smiles.

Peace
James

 

[TheRealJuliane]

No - I try not to play the blame game…It is what it is…

Which is not to say that I can’t be critical of myself (or others) in regards to taking good care of my lady but I try to restrict such criticism to that which corrects and improves rather than that which chastises and runs down.

She ate pretty good for me today, spent time in the living room (slept mostly) got some kisses and gave some kisses. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I’ll get some smiles.

Peace
James

Your posts touch my heart so deeply…What a loving husband you are…

 

[maltmom]

She ate pretty good for me today, spent time in the living room (slept mostly) got some kisses and gave some kisses. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I’ll get some smiles.

That’s wonderful news. I hope she gives you the sweetest smile ever.

 

[JRKH]

Your posts touch my heart so deeply…What a loving husband you are…

:blushing:

I have it easy. I know how she would take care of me and I just try to do the same for her.

And as if I didn’t know how well cared for she is…I snapped this with a new camera about a year ago…The beam of light coming through the window was not visible to the naked eye. I don’t claim any “miracle” here…But it sure looks “full of meaning”

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/p206x206/419215_359848154035511_1695207651_n.jpg

That’s wonderful news. I hope she gives you the sweetest smile ever.

**She does have a great smile. This was taken in 2007 **

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/7023_100788476608148_4232985_n.jpg

 

[JRKH]

Your posts touch my heart so deeply…What a loving husband you are…

That’s wonderful news. I hope she gives you the sweetest smile ever.

Thanks…:blushing:

She really is easy to take care of…and I know she is in good hands - Our Lord’s.

And yes - I’m hoping for a great smile today.
I call her my Cheshire cat because she has slowly disappeared till all that is left is her smile. But oh how that smile lights up my world.

Peace
James

 

[maltmom]

Thanks…:blushing:

She really is easy to take care of…and I know she is in good hands - Our Lord’s.

And yes - I’m hoping for a great smile today.
I call her my Cheshire cat because she has slowly disappeared till all that is left is her smile. But oh how that smile lights up my world.

Peace
James

The love you have for your dear lady makes me smile.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

James I know I am late replying. I hope you were able to visit your extended family over Christmas. I have a family history of dementia and altzheimers. It is very difficult for those who are not caregivers to understand how all encompassing being a caregiver can be, especially for someone who does not always understand and who cannot always show appreciation. It is good that you have a safe place for respite care. Please do continue to take the time for yourself on occasion that you need. I will be praying for you both.