Dementia & Deep Regrets

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Marybeloved

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My sweet daddy is suffering terribly and I’m tearing in my soul like an old rag. I’m taking care of him now, but in the last two years, we largely depended on two hired women who we suspect of having mistreated my dad. I am so pained at all the times when I did not take personal care of him or when I was frustrated and lost patience with him. I remember not answering him when he called me after many times calling me and I got tired. I’m torn with the fear for his soul and am constantly begging God’s mercies for him, constantly dedicating him to Our Lady or St. Joseph and begging them for his salvation and a good/happy death. When I take care of him now, sometimes my soul is filled with deep joy. Sometimes the regret gets me and all I can do is break into a painful cry and offer it to Christ though I feel at the point that my sins and failures are unforgiveable. I’ve noticed many miracles of late and experienced deep regret and pain. I begged God to lengthen his life and give me another chance to love my father. Miraculously, he’s given me strength and love I do not have and I have cared for him not knowing how. Many lessons, many tears, many prayers…
 
There is so much love in your post as well as grief.

When those women were taking care of your dad, you didn’t know that they were mistreating him, did you? When you found out about it, you put a stop to it didn’t you? An American author, Maya Angelou is quoted “When you know better, you do better.” Please try to forgive yourself for not knowing.

As far as being tired and not wanting to respond to his calls, every caregiver gets worn down and tired. Every single one.Even though the two women are gone, do you have any other family or trusted friends that can offer you a respite?

Finally, continue to pray. God hears you and he will not leave you alone and abandoned as He calls your father home.
 
Praying for your dad and your family in general. 😦
God bless you
 
Ellyakamommy said:
There is so much love in your post as well as grief.

When those women were taking care of your dad, you didn’t know that they were mistreating him, did you? When you found out about it, you put a stop to it didn’t you? An American author, Maya Angelou is quoted “When you know better, you do better.” Please try to forgive yourself for not knowing.

As far as being tired and not wanting to respond to his calls, every caregiver gets worn down and tired. Every single one.Even though the two women are gone, do you have any other family or trusted friends that can offer you a respite?

Finally, continue to pray. God hears you and he will not leave you alone and abandoned as He calls your father home.
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I forgot to thank you for your kind words, my friend. You should know that they were a lot of help at the time I created this thread when I was emotionally tortured.

God Bless.
 
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