C
CrimsonThorn
Guest
Within the past couple of months I have made a very strong effort to grow closer to God. I feel I am doing the best I have ever done right now. My determination is seemingly more strong this time around.
However, perhaps after scaring myself a little on here reading about demonic afflictions, it seems my fear has spiraled a bit out of control, and now I feel I am absurdly afraid of anythig dark or demonic. But only in my house, particularly my room, where I feel this anxiety and fear more intensly. The fear is consuming me and keeping me from sleeping. I know this is probably sinful because it shows my faith is weak, but I cannot control my fear.
I have been going to Confession every weekend, avoiding sin as best as I can, receiving the Eucharist and Blood of Christ every weekend. But, I have these feeligs and intrusive thoughts that say that I am not good enough, that God is angry wih my sinful past, that I am going to suffer eternal damnation regardless if I change my life now, because my sinful past was too much and too bad. Might I add that I know these thoughts are incorrect, but they cause me to become scared, so much that my stomach hurts and that I begin to sweat.
I had a conversation with my mom tonight (who is a devout Catholic, who prays the Rosary, receives Communion) because I know my grandma, aunt, and her all owned an Ouija board way back in the 70s. She says they didnt know it was a sin back then and thought it was just a game, she claims they now realize its sinful only until recently. I was present around 7 years ago for a couple Halloweens at my uncles house in which my cousins brought out a Ouija board for fun (although I heard from my cousin that she used it the night her mother died in an attempt to contact her, which tells me that she takes it seriously). I did not participate but I feel anxious and uneasy thinking back at that night.
I asked my mom if she ever went to confession for that (the innocent use in the 70s) or if she would be interested in all of us receiving a special blessing from a priest “just to be sure” and she reacted very irate, angrily, upset. This scared me. She says she doesnt need to go to confession for it that it hasnt affected her and she doesnt need it. I asked once more why she was so opposed to the idea and she just got even more upset and stopped talking to me.
My family has gone through so much. No one talks to anyone anymore, most of my cousins dislike and are angry with one another. My father left my mother, my whole family is split up.
I have an aunt and other cousins who were raised Catholic but now adopt a New Age view. They have repirted hearing, seeing, and experiencing weird occurences. Theyve always repirted this but I always brushed this off as supserstition.
I am purging my music collection of all the black metal I used to collect when I was astray from the faith and anything irreverent.
My grandmother seemed troubled yesterday. She seemed very sad and I asked her what was wrong, she said her head hurt from thinking too much. I asked what about, and she.said from seeing odd colors in her room, and she didnt know whether she was awake or asleep and dreaming.
What does one make of this, if anything?
However, perhaps after scaring myself a little on here reading about demonic afflictions, it seems my fear has spiraled a bit out of control, and now I feel I am absurdly afraid of anythig dark or demonic. But only in my house, particularly my room, where I feel this anxiety and fear more intensly. The fear is consuming me and keeping me from sleeping. I know this is probably sinful because it shows my faith is weak, but I cannot control my fear.
I have been going to Confession every weekend, avoiding sin as best as I can, receiving the Eucharist and Blood of Christ every weekend. But, I have these feeligs and intrusive thoughts that say that I am not good enough, that God is angry wih my sinful past, that I am going to suffer eternal damnation regardless if I change my life now, because my sinful past was too much and too bad. Might I add that I know these thoughts are incorrect, but they cause me to become scared, so much that my stomach hurts and that I begin to sweat.
I had a conversation with my mom tonight (who is a devout Catholic, who prays the Rosary, receives Communion) because I know my grandma, aunt, and her all owned an Ouija board way back in the 70s. She says they didnt know it was a sin back then and thought it was just a game, she claims they now realize its sinful only until recently. I was present around 7 years ago for a couple Halloweens at my uncles house in which my cousins brought out a Ouija board for fun (although I heard from my cousin that she used it the night her mother died in an attempt to contact her, which tells me that she takes it seriously). I did not participate but I feel anxious and uneasy thinking back at that night.
I asked my mom if she ever went to confession for that (the innocent use in the 70s) or if she would be interested in all of us receiving a special blessing from a priest “just to be sure” and she reacted very irate, angrily, upset. This scared me. She says she doesnt need to go to confession for it that it hasnt affected her and she doesnt need it. I asked once more why she was so opposed to the idea and she just got even more upset and stopped talking to me.
My family has gone through so much. No one talks to anyone anymore, most of my cousins dislike and are angry with one another. My father left my mother, my whole family is split up.
I have an aunt and other cousins who were raised Catholic but now adopt a New Age view. They have repirted hearing, seeing, and experiencing weird occurences. Theyve always repirted this but I always brushed this off as supserstition.
I am purging my music collection of all the black metal I used to collect when I was astray from the faith and anything irreverent.
My grandmother seemed troubled yesterday. She seemed very sad and I asked her what was wrong, she said her head hurt from thinking too much. I asked what about, and she.said from seeing odd colors in her room, and she didnt know whether she was awake or asleep and dreaming.
What does one make of this, if anything?
