J
jason_m
Guest
Hello,
For the past ten years, I have been struggling like crazy. I worry it has to do with spirituality. It started in 2003 with the Theresa Cross murder case. This is a story of a child abuser who tortured her teenage children to death. She fed them macaroni and cheese until they vomited. She prostituted them. She tied them and beat them until they were unconscious. I felt such such hatred for this woman and such mercy, such sympathy for her children who she tortured. I thought about them all the time. At the time, I worried that there is no spirit world and their lives simply ended in that house. It made me feel so hopeless, so helpless that I didn’t know what to do. But then all of a sudden, listening to the radio, I thought I had my ‘answer’: there was this ‘psychic’ who was doing an interview. He said that 'anyone can become psychic - it’s just like playing the piano. Not everyone can become a concert pianist, but everyone is capable of playing…" At that point, I had a eureka moment: “That’s what I’ll do. I’ll contact them psychically. I know it sounds crazy, but that is the only chance that I have to know that they lived on…”
That was perhaps the point at which my real suffering began. I started ‘listening’ to my subconscious almost obsessively, hoping that I would have some sign from these girls that they made it to the other side. This is not what happened. Instead, I slowly started to hear voices; it was certainly the sound of someone (a little girl: ‘Christine’), but it wasn’t the people I tried to contact! In any event, the voices were incessant and would not leave me alone… I would beg, plead, threaten, tell them anything to stay away, but they would not stop mocking and tormenting me.
Then, in 2005, I had what seemed like a ‘possession.’ ‘Christine’ asked, “Is there room for two in here?” I answered, “Yes.” Then, my body immediately started shaking violently. I felt my hands, arms, and legs being ‘taken over.’ I felt my senses become more acute. I felt my motor movements change. I eventually fought it off, but I was confused: “Am I mentally ill, or being haunted by a ghost?” I decided to resolve the situation by going to a psychiatrist. He immediately put me on 15 mg of Zyprexa. That was when the suffering became extreme. Around the time I was hearing voices, my mind was blanketed by a mild ‘fog’ feeling. At the time of the medication, the fog became extreme! Before this, I was a very gifted person. When the fog set in, my mind was so scrambled that I would feel confused about even the simplest things - my address, my postal code, even simple things like the concept of ‘before’ and ‘after!’ All of this came after being at the top of my class for years - now, my simplest mental functions were enveloped by this fog!
At exactly that point, I considered taking my life (almost constantly). Once again, I wanted to find out what the spirit world was about before I did anything. I turned again to these ‘spiritualists’ - near-death.com. Their message was that our suffering is a ‘lesson’ - God has good reasons for why we suffer. With me thinking of taking my life, and believing that this is an ‘authentic’ message from the spirit world, I began to feel hatred towards God; I would argue, beg, plead, curse Him, - anything to make the ‘lesson’ stop!
Eventually, the fog went away, and I stopped being angry at God, but a host of problems immediately started: my closest friend ran out, my grades ‘magically’ went down the drain, I became incapable of working, I became partial-vegetarian - hating both eating meat (because of animal slaughter) and vegetarian food (because of the taste). Even the simplest things would go awry; from the meals I ordered, to television programs going off the air, to even the basketball team I root for struggling financially - everything! (Two black cats have even crossed my path - I noticed because I almost ran both of them over!) Thankfully, in this time, I have come to terms with ‘Christine’ - the voice in my head, but things have not gotten better. (Tonight, the basketball game I wanted to watch simply went off the air, and then, in order to post this message, I had to search through about 15 Catholic websites to find one that would let me post…)
This leads to my question: are the latest problems because of a curse? Or was the posession real and I am demonized? (Or something else?) How should I proceed to cleanse myself of these problems? I have gone to confession, but it hasn’t worked. I am so frustrated, I don’t know what to do…
Jason
For the past ten years, I have been struggling like crazy. I worry it has to do with spirituality. It started in 2003 with the Theresa Cross murder case. This is a story of a child abuser who tortured her teenage children to death. She fed them macaroni and cheese until they vomited. She prostituted them. She tied them and beat them until they were unconscious. I felt such such hatred for this woman and such mercy, such sympathy for her children who she tortured. I thought about them all the time. At the time, I worried that there is no spirit world and their lives simply ended in that house. It made me feel so hopeless, so helpless that I didn’t know what to do. But then all of a sudden, listening to the radio, I thought I had my ‘answer’: there was this ‘psychic’ who was doing an interview. He said that 'anyone can become psychic - it’s just like playing the piano. Not everyone can become a concert pianist, but everyone is capable of playing…" At that point, I had a eureka moment: “That’s what I’ll do. I’ll contact them psychically. I know it sounds crazy, but that is the only chance that I have to know that they lived on…”
That was perhaps the point at which my real suffering began. I started ‘listening’ to my subconscious almost obsessively, hoping that I would have some sign from these girls that they made it to the other side. This is not what happened. Instead, I slowly started to hear voices; it was certainly the sound of someone (a little girl: ‘Christine’), but it wasn’t the people I tried to contact! In any event, the voices were incessant and would not leave me alone… I would beg, plead, threaten, tell them anything to stay away, but they would not stop mocking and tormenting me.
Then, in 2005, I had what seemed like a ‘possession.’ ‘Christine’ asked, “Is there room for two in here?” I answered, “Yes.” Then, my body immediately started shaking violently. I felt my hands, arms, and legs being ‘taken over.’ I felt my senses become more acute. I felt my motor movements change. I eventually fought it off, but I was confused: “Am I mentally ill, or being haunted by a ghost?” I decided to resolve the situation by going to a psychiatrist. He immediately put me on 15 mg of Zyprexa. That was when the suffering became extreme. Around the time I was hearing voices, my mind was blanketed by a mild ‘fog’ feeling. At the time of the medication, the fog became extreme! Before this, I was a very gifted person. When the fog set in, my mind was so scrambled that I would feel confused about even the simplest things - my address, my postal code, even simple things like the concept of ‘before’ and ‘after!’ All of this came after being at the top of my class for years - now, my simplest mental functions were enveloped by this fog!
At exactly that point, I considered taking my life (almost constantly). Once again, I wanted to find out what the spirit world was about before I did anything. I turned again to these ‘spiritualists’ - near-death.com. Their message was that our suffering is a ‘lesson’ - God has good reasons for why we suffer. With me thinking of taking my life, and believing that this is an ‘authentic’ message from the spirit world, I began to feel hatred towards God; I would argue, beg, plead, curse Him, - anything to make the ‘lesson’ stop!
Eventually, the fog went away, and I stopped being angry at God, but a host of problems immediately started: my closest friend ran out, my grades ‘magically’ went down the drain, I became incapable of working, I became partial-vegetarian - hating both eating meat (because of animal slaughter) and vegetarian food (because of the taste). Even the simplest things would go awry; from the meals I ordered, to television programs going off the air, to even the basketball team I root for struggling financially - everything! (Two black cats have even crossed my path - I noticed because I almost ran both of them over!) Thankfully, in this time, I have come to terms with ‘Christine’ - the voice in my head, but things have not gotten better. (Tonight, the basketball game I wanted to watch simply went off the air, and then, in order to post this message, I had to search through about 15 Catholic websites to find one that would let me post…)
This leads to my question: are the latest problems because of a curse? Or was the posession real and I am demonized? (Or something else?) How should I proceed to cleanse myself of these problems? I have gone to confession, but it hasn’t worked. I am so frustrated, I don’t know what to do…
Jason
but the parts about voices, no I don’t think you were imagining, because stuff like that does happen to people for real. Since you got involved in these things willfully you’d need to renounce them and seek help with a priest to rid yourself of any influence. I’d suggest also really going to the Sacraments regularly and Sunday Mass if not daily Mass - good practice for anyone!