Denied baptism for civil marriage?

[seeking4info]

I am taking RCIA classes and was told that I don’t qualify to receive sacraments (ie baptism) since I am in a civil marriage. My husband was born catholic but hasn’t practiced in over ten years. Logically, we got married at the court because neither had a religion at the time. (Now he is terminally ill so getting married in the church is out of the question.) I don’t understand why the door to the church is shut in my face: I cant get baptized because I am in a civil marriage, but I can’t get married in the church because 1) I am not yet christian and 2) my husband is sick. Is my priest mistaken or is this the way it is?

 

[dconklin]

I am sorry about your difficulties and pray fro you and your husband. You have come to the right place to find your answers.

 

[mswood]

You should ask your priest about radical sanation of your marriage. We had a woman in my RCIA class who was civilly married to a Catholic who did not want to participate in a church wedding, so they used radical sanation to make their marriage valid in the Catholic Church.

Also, as long as you and your husband are both free to marry (never been married prior to your marriage to each other), you can marry in the Catholic Church even if you are not Catholic.

The reason they are requiring this is because as a Catholic (even as a non-practicing Catholic) your husband was bound to marry according to cannon law, since he did the Catholic church does not view your marriage as valid. Had neither of you been Catholic at the time of your marriage then it would be considered valid and no steps would need to be taken.

Radical sanations:

A decree is issued by the bishop (or his delegate) which accepts the original consent of the parties from the time of the original marriage ceremony.
The decree confers retroactive validity on the marriage, back to the time of the original marriage ceremony.
The parties must still intend to be married to each other.
No new marriage ceremony takes place, although the couple must still fulfill the usual pre-marriage paperwork and suitable marriage preparation requirements. (depending on the diocese)
A serious reason is needed for a radical sanation to be granted.

 

[laszlo]

I am taking RCIA classes and was told that I don’t qualify to receive sacraments (ie baptism) since I am in a civil marriage. My husband was born catholic but hasn’t practiced in over ten years. Logically, we got married at the court because neither had a religion at the time. (Now he is terminally ill so getting married in the church is out of the question.) I don’t understand why the door to the church is shut in my face: I cant get baptized because I am in a civil marriage, but I can’t get married in the church because 1) I am not yet christian and 2) my husband is sick. Is my priest mistaken or is this the way it is?

Every membership has some rules and requirements. Ask immigrants, how hard is to get US citizenship.

If you husband is terminally ill, both of you are fee to marriage (no previous valid marriage) and both of of you are willing to get married, yuor parish priest can witness your marriage vows at your home or in the hospital, especially if there is real probability that husband will not live until your RCIA process is finished.

 

[Dorothy]

I am sure there is an answer to your problem. Ask the priest (or another if he is too busy) how, what seems like a problem, can be straightened out.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I am taking RCIA classes and was told that I don’t qualify to receive sacraments (ie baptism) since I am in a civil marriage. My husband was born catholic but hasn’t practiced in over ten years. Logically, we got married at the court because neither had a religion at the time. (Now he is terminally ill so getting married in the church is out of the question.) I don’t understand why the door to the church is shut in my face: I cant get baptized because I am in a civil marriage, but I can’t get married in the church because 1) I am not yet christian and 2) my husband is sick. Is my priest mistaken or is this the way it is?

The most basic answer to your dilemma is to talk with your pastor and see what you need to do to fix the situation. It may be quite simple but you won’t know until you talk with him.

It sounds like there’s some misunderstanding here so taking things a bit at a time…

*I am taking RCIA classes and was told that I don’t qualify to receive sacraments (ie baptism) since I am in a civil marriage. *

The problem is not that you’re in a civil marriage. The problem is that you’re married to a Catholic who did not follow Catholic marriage laws so as far as the Church is concerned, you’re not in a valid marriage. This can be taken care of! Talk with your pastor.

(Now he is terminally ill so getting married in the church is out of the question.)

I’m so sorry to hear this. But his illness doesn’t mean that you can’t get married in the Church. It doesn’t have to be a big elaborate wedding with a church full of people. It can be as small as you, your husband, two witnesses, and the priest. It can be short and simple or as elaborate as you’d like to make it.

*I cant get baptized because I am in a civil marriage, but I can’t get married in the church because 1) I am not yet christian and 2) my husband is sick. *

The fact that you’re not yet baptized will not keep you from getting married in the Church.

Please talk with your pastor and get all of this worked out. You’ll have the blessings of being in a valid marriage, and you’ll be able to continue your journey toward baptism. Once you are baptized your marriage will be not only valid, but also a sacrament. How wonderful is that!

 

[stinkyweed]

I don’t understand, why this was even aproblem. Marriage could not have been in church if at time you did not know Jesus for your self. I know it would have been better if you could have come to Him in the church at the time of marriage,but at that time the gift of faith had not yet come. Now you are coming, why would anything prevent you from coming to Jesus. This is Baptism,this is open to all who come to Christ even a child.
I am a Catholic for only 9 years,so I know I have not learned everything the Church is so awesome. I came all ready baptised and married from another faith and was even confirmed during Advent due to illness close to death with out surgery. Priest confirmed me so could have anounting of the sick and recieve Jesus. Miracle happened after got better did not have to have the surgery, I still have the illness,but lived as any can see from this gift from Christ. So I am confused, please speak with your priest. And I will look up in another gift we have the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Welcome to Christ, may He fill you with grace and courage to go talk with Priest. Christ Peace

 

[stephe1987]

^ Actually, should could have gotten married in the Church and was supposed to. Her husband is Catholic (once Catholic, always Catholic). Her husband would have needed a dispensation to marry a non-Christian, but the wedding would have still been allowed in the Church, and he was supposed to marry in the Church because he is Catholic and that is the rule. A Catholic needs to marry in the Catholic Church, or else acquire a dispensation to marry elsewhere.

The only difference is that if you marry a non-baptized person (non-Christian), your marriage is not a sacrament, but it can become one the unbaptized person gets baptized.

 

[puzzleannie]

I am taking RCIA classes and was told that I don’t qualify to receive sacraments (ie baptism) since I am in a civil marriage. My husband was born catholic but hasn’t practiced in over ten years. Logically, we got married at the court because neither had a religion at the time. (Now he is terminally ill so getting married in the church is out of the question.) I don’t understand why the door to the church is shut in my face: I cant get baptized because I am in a civil marriage, but I can’t get married in the church because 1) I am not yet christian and 2) my husband is sick. Is my priest mistaken or is this the way it is?

there is not enough information, but I hope you find time to meet with the priest personally, lay out all the facts of your situation, and follow what he tells you. the priest, not the RCIA director or catechist or parish secretary. You are not being denied baptism you are being assisted to the full grace of baptism, which you cannot enjoy if you are in an invalid marriage which would be a barrier to that grace. Your husband’s illness is not a barrier to convalidation, a ceremony which if there are no other impediments (previous valid marriage by either partner for instance) can take 10 minutes and can be done at his bedside, and following which he himself can be restored to the grace of the sacraments. The grace waiting for your family is immense through these sacraments of Jesus Christ, so I hope you will make that appointment with your priest today to make those arrangements.

 

[FAB]

there is not enough information, but I hope you find time to meet with the priest personally, lay out all the facts of your situation, and follow what he tells you. the priest, not the RCIA director or catechist or parish secretary. You are not being denied baptism you are being assisted to the full grace of baptism, which you cannot enjoy if you are in an invalid marriage which would be a barrier to that grace. Your husband’s illness is not a barrier to convalidation, a ceremony which if there are no other impediments (previous valid marriage by either partner for instance) can take 10 minutes and can be done at his bedside, and following which he himself can be restored to the grace of the sacraments. The grace waiting for your family is immense through these sacraments of Jesus Christ, so I hope you will make that appointment with your priest today to make those arrangements.

Convalidation would be the simpler solution. There is still some paper work and a dispinsation for your husband to marry you as a non-baptised person, but a deacon or priest can walk you through the process. Although the marriage would not be sacramental, as soon as you are baptised it will be. Welcome to the Church.

 

[seeking4info]

Thank you everyone for you answers. I’m still stuck, however, because a convalidation would take too long as the preparation is six months for a church marriage, and it couldn’t even be “consumated” as my husband has become mentally and physically challenged as part of his terminal illness. And doesn’t a radical sanation require the partners to continue conyugal relations? We can’t. Does this change anything?

 

[FAB]

Thank you everyone for you answers. I’m still stuck, however, because a convalidation would take too long as the preparation is six months for a church marriage, and it couldn’t even be “consumated” as my husband has become mentally and physically challenged as part of his terminal illness. And doesn’t a radical sanation require the partners to continue conyugal relations? We can’t. Does this change anything?

The Church recognizes that in some couples there may be an issue as you indicated. This shouldn’t keep you from persuing the convalidation. Also, taking into account your husband’s illness, the time for preparation could be shortened. Yours is a case were rules can be dispensed for pastoral reasons.

 

[ciero]

Thank you everyone for you answers. I’m still stuck, however, because a convalidation would take too long as the preparation is six months for a church marriage, and it couldn’t even be “consumated” as my husband has become mentally and physically challenged as part of his terminal illness. And doesn’t a radical sanation require the partners to continue conyugal relations? We can’t. Does this change anything?

This could be worked out as quickly as a few hours. Please speak to your priest and if you dont get anywhere with him call the bishop. No consumation would be required.

 

[1ke]

I cant get baptized because I am in a civil marriage,

You can’t get baptized **until **you take care of your irregular marriage situation. Right now you are not married. Your husband is Catholic and therefore required to follow Catholic law on marriage.

but I can’t get married in the church because 1) I am not yet christian

Yes, you can get married in the Church. It’s called a convalidation.

1. my husband is sick.

Even if your husband is sick you can still have a convalidation. It takes a priest and two witnesses and less than 15 minutes. If your husband is very ill and cannot go to the church, the priest can come to you.

Is my priest mistaken or is this the way it is?

I think you should sit down with your priest by appointment. Yes, he is correct that you need to deal with the marriage situation before receiving the sacraments, but no that’s not the end of it. You can work out a way to convalidate the marriage.

You should also ask your priest about radical sanation, which can also be done in many circumstances. This does not require a new exchange of vows.

Also, if you and your husband are no longer having marital relations due to his illness, talk with your priest about that too. You should be able to receive the sacraments if you continue to live in continence even before your marriage is regularized.

All of this, however, is assuming that neither of you have any previous marriages/divorces in your past. That would be a longer process to resolve.

 

[Seatuck]

Are you saying that your husband is deemed mentally incompetent to contract a marriage? Then yes , you will not be able to have a convalidation. However since you are not engaging in marital relations you should be able to proceed with your journey into the church. Sit down with your priest in an appointment and discuss all these aspects.