Depressed about never having a boyfriend

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lovedance4ever

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Hello everyone. I’m an eighteen (nineteen in a couple of months) year old female, and I realize that it is probably ridiculous to be feeling this way, but I am bothered by this situation, nonetheless.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out why I have never had a boyfriend and why it seems as if I am unattractive to the opposite sex. I try to not be distracted by such thoughts, but then after a while, it hits me hard, and I begin thinking that God intends for me to be single the rest of my life.

Again, I realize that this is probably ridiculous thinking, as I am still young, but there are times when I just want to know why I have not met anyone yet. Guys almost seem repulsed by me (unless it is in my head), and I do not think there is anything wrong with me, other than the fact that I am slightly shy on occasion.

I also just had knee surgery, and the medication they gave me has been making me feel rather down on everything and sick, and it just feels like everything is crumbling down on me. I’m quite athletic, and the fact that I cannot work out makes everything worse and magnifies all of my problems.

I apologize for this little rant lol. I’m finished now, but do ask for your prayers and perhaps some advice. Thank you in advance.

May it be blessed,

Lovedance4ever
 
Take a deep breath and try to get some perspective. At 18, your life if just beginning and there is no hurry to have a boyfriend or get married. Our culture puts sex at its center and starts pushing people to have boyfriends/girlfriends at very young ages. Try to tune out what the culture is telling you. Don’t seek to define yourself or your worth in relation to whether or not a man is interested in dating you at this time.

Enjoy what God wants to give you in this moment-- your youth, your education, your freedomm to do sports and workout (once healed up).

Also if you continue to have these symptoms, talk to your doctor about this medication.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Hello everyone. I’m an eighteen (nineteen in a couple of months) year old female, and I realize that it is probably ridiculous to be feeling this way, but I am bothered by this situation, nonetheless.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out why I have never had a boyfriend and why it seems as if I am unattractive to the opposite sex. I try to not be distracted by such thoughts, but then after a while, it hits me hard, and I begin thinking that God intends for me to be single the rest of my life.

Again, I realize that this is probably ridiculous thinking, as I am still young, but there are times when I just want to know why I have not met anyone yet. Guys almost seem repulsed by me (unless it is in my head), and I do not think there is anything wrong with me, other than the fact that I am slightly shy on occasion.

I also just had knee surgery, and the medication they gave me has been making me feel rather down on everything and sick, and it just feels like everything is crumbling down on me. I’m quite athletic, and the fact that I cannot work out makes everything worse and magnifies all of my problems.

I apologize for this little rant lol. I’m finished now, but do ask for your prayers and perhaps some advice. Thank you in advance.

May it be blessed,

Lovedance4ever
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I had my first real boyfriend at the age of 22.
I got married at age 28.

I thought the exact same thing at your age.

Take a deep breath and relax…you’ll meet someone someday…just be patient.

As for the meds…talk to your doctor about trying something different?
 
First of all, I’m not going to tell you that it’s ridiculous to feel that way. The way people treat us (and don’t treat us) sends powerful signals to us, especially during our formative years. We develop a concept and an image of ourselves from how other people react to us (assuming we have a normal sensitivity to inter-personal relationships). When I was in high school, the first BIG message that I got was “I am not attractive. At all. Even the ‘losers’ (who were actually great guys once you got to know them) don’t want to date me.” The second BIG message that I got was “I am no fun to be around. No one wants to spend time with me outside of school. Heck, people barely want to talk to me while in school.” So take those two BIG messages plus a deep longing from the core of my being to just feel like SOMEBODY cared … and it’s no wonder to me, looking back, that I was borderline suicidal every once in a while.

Anyway, I mention all of this because I know how you feel. And I have a happy ending for you. Once you completely shake up your social circle, EVERYTHING changes. Once I graduated high school, I joined the military, and suddenly (!) guys would chat me up, get my phone number, and ask me out. Up until that point, I thought that was something that only happened in the movies. And I made friends. Fast forward 12 years later, I have graduated college, have friends through college and work, and I’m married (I know, right?) with 2 kids. If all this happened for me, I am 110% sure it will happen for you at the right time.

Now, the one thing I will caution you about - if you are like I used to be and feeling that “I am not attractive” message LOUD and clear, and you suddenly get asked out a lot because you changed your environment, don’t make the mistake of thinking that every guy that you meet is your last chance at romance. I promise you it will not be; I promise you that God will send you the right person as you are going about your business, if you are open to it. I know that it is very hard to ignore those deeply ingrained “I am not attractive” messages long enough to get past the instinctual “Oh-mi-gosh! A date! I better drug him and drag him to the altar before he sees what everyone else sees! Let me just grab the wedding dress I keep in my closet just for such contingencies …” I’m exaggerating, but I trust you get my point.

Good luck!
 
I won’t let my daughter have a boyfriend 'til she’s 18!😛

How’s the knee BTW - hope the healing is beginning.👍
 
You should count yourself lucky. Love is pain. Better to be free.

Well, if you are sure you want to go down that troublesome road, which leads nowhere- the easiest way to get into a relationship is to make a resolution to avoid them.
 
The majority of people feel unattractive at your age group. Yes, you are wise to recognize the potential of medications making you feel down. Trust me on this one. I should know-if you read my profile.

Now. Please understand. That if you feel you are unattractive you may radiate that you are unattractive. Phah! All girls are wonderful because thay are girls! It has often beeen said. Act as if you are ----- (attractive) fill in the blank here. Then you* will* be attractive. If you don’t believe you can and *stil *say “I am your man (woman)” They *will *follow. Confidence is appealing.

Next. This is the big one. Pray for you future spouse** now**. Pray for his spiritual growth. Pray for his health. Pray for God’s will for him. Pray for his well being. Pray for his schoolastic achievements. Pray for wisdom for him.

Hey. God loves you and him. Our lord will provide. Our job is to trust. How can God help if you do not trust? (See writings of St. Faustina.)

Life** is** good! All this beauty here on earth for us and heaven too! Such a deal!:D:)

PS I too will not let my daughter date until at** least** 18!
 
I’m a guy and I thought the same thing. It took me a while, but it wasn’t until I prayed to God for the patience to wait for the person He wills me to be with that I met my now fiancée. She is and will be my first everything, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. She is a blessing in my life. Just hang in there, pray for patience, the right guy will come. If you are impatient, you may end up on dates with complete jerks who are a product of today’s secular culture, and you don’t want that.

Good luck, and God bless!
 
You’re right: Rehab is the natural time to have feelings like this, and the worst time to pay attention to them. Since you’re an athlete, I’ll make my suggestion in athletic terms: this is when you develop your mental toughness. How many elite athletes, after all, were passed over for Division I scholarships? How did they get to the top? Whether by nature or by training, they knew the mental habits that would help or harm them in deciding on their goals and pursuing them.

This may sound like weird advice on a Catholic forum, but I’d suggest you get yourself “Coaching the Mental Game: Leadership Philosophies and Strategies for Peak Performance in Sports and Everyday Life” by H.A. Dorfman. If you are willing to believe that you are not different than other mortals, that your future will depend partly on how you handle your own mental habits, I think it will give you a lot to help you.

Good luck! 👍
 
I’m a guy, I thought I was a hopeless case at 18. Then the summer after high school I met an amazing woman. That was four years ago and we’re still together.

I know how you feel though. Here’s a secret, everybody thinks they’re unattractive. You’ll find someone for you.
 
To be honest I think under 18 is too young to date anyway (I know you’re 18 now) which is why I waited until I was 18, but god has a plan for your life… So trust him!.. He’ll know when you are ready to meet the one he wants you to eventually marry it could be that you’re not ready yet or even that god thinks he’s not ready yet but have faith it will happen when GOD’S ready 🙂
 
lovedance4ever said:
I also just had knee surgery, and the medication they gave me has been making me feel rather down on everything and sick, and it just feels like everything is crumbling down on me. I’m quite athletic, and the fact that I cannot work out makes everything worse and magnifies all of my problems.
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Side note:
My fiancee had ankle surgery quite recently, and she was miserable for the first few months. She’s a ballet dancer and likes to keep in shape. A lot of nights spent crying on my shoulder. I’ll pray for a quick recovery!
 
Englishguy1988 said:
To be honest I think under 18 is too young to date anyway (I know you’re 18 now) which is why I waited until I was 18, but god has a plan for your life… So trust him!.. He’ll know when you are ready to meet the one he wants you to eventually marry it could be that you’re not ready yet or even that god thinks he’s not ready yet but have faith it will happen when GOD’S ready 🙂
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I started at 16, and I’m with you. It was too young. I could have waited until 20 and would have missed more moral hazards and emotional stresses than anything irreplaceably good.

Yes, OP, I’m saying that having a boyfriend is not an emotional or moral bowl of cherries. Romance is not like learning a language, where there is an advantage in getting started young. No, it is more like starting weight-lifting or throwing curve balls before your joints are ready for the strain. You can safely put dating off and still be far ahead in the game of romance.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Hello everyone. I’m an eighteen (nineteen in a couple of months) year old female, and I realize that it is probably ridiculous to be feeling this way, but I am bothered by this situation, nonetheless.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out why I have never had a boyfriend and why it seems as if I am unattractive to the opposite sex. I try to not be distracted by such thoughts, but then after a while, it hits me hard, and I begin thinking that God intends for me to be single the rest of my life.

Again, I realize that this is probably ridiculous thinking, as I am still young, but there are times when I just want to know why I have not met anyone yet. Guys almost seem repulsed by me (unless it is in my head), and I do not think there is anything wrong with me, other than the fact that I am slightly shy on occasion.

I also just had knee surgery, and the medication they gave me has been making me feel rather down on everything and sick, and it just feels like everything is crumbling down on me. I’m quite athletic, and the fact that I cannot work out makes everything worse and magnifies all of my problems.

I apologize for this little rant lol. I’m finished now, but do ask for your prayers and perhaps some advice. Thank you in advance.

May it be blessed,

Lovedance4ever
Click to expand...
actually you are lucky and 18 is actually too young anyway. Focus on healing from your knee surgery and work at the PT and you will be back and better than before. whatever boyfriend/girlfriend relationships you see are truly a waste of time and emotion. your whole life is ahead of you. Based on your name, it sounds like you like to dance which is a wonderful way to meet others. You have a lot to give! Pray it met the right person.
 
I think at this point in your life, you need to focus on yourself and God’s plan for you. God is using this time in your life to form the woman you’re going to be for the rest of your life. Use this time (young adulthood) to grow as a person to become worthy of the man God has planned for you to marry.

Some things to think about:
  1. At your age, nobody thinks they’re good-looking. Even the “pretty” girls wear a ton of makeup to look the way they do, and many wear very little clothing because they’re insecure.
  2. You’re only 18. You’ve only just entered into adulthood! Although dating is nice if you’ve met the right person, it should not be the focus of your life right now.
  3. Most guys you’ll meet in college are … not ready to date, to put it very kindly. They need to work on themselves before getting into a serious relationship. There are a handful of good ones out there, and a few of my friends did marry their college sweethearts, but don’t expect to meet your soul mate in college. Guys take longer to mature than girls, and seemingly even longer nowadays (culture that encourages/promotes bad behavior) than they did in the past. A few generations ago, a lot of people met their spouses in college. Now, people seem to be out in the “real world” (finished with school) for a little while before meeting their spouse.
  4. Marriage tends to be an idol for single people. God uses the ‘single’ state in life to give you many graces to prepare you for your future vocation… which may, in fact, not be marriage! Pray every day and be open to the Holy Spirit guiding you toward your vocation, whatever it may be. Chances are, you are called to marriage. Most people are, or we’d slowly run out of people. But these days marriage has become such a ‘default’ vocation, especially in a culture that doesn’t really value singles or religious. People automatically ‘assume’ they’re called to marriage (natural vocation), and they don’t stop to listen, to pray, to discern, the possibility of a supernatural vocation (priest, nun, sister, brother, consecrated single life).
  5. Always put CHRIST at the center of everything you do. HE is the only way you’ll find true happiness in this world.
 
I’m 31 and have never had a boyfriend. You’re fine. Stop worrying. Fill your life with things that matter for you at the moment, Church, school, job, decisions about life, travelling.
 
vera_dicere said:
I’m 31 and have never had a boyfriend. You’re fine. Stop worrying. Fill your life with things that matter for you at the moment, Church, school, job, decisions about life, travelling.
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Ditto. I started a thread about this and there are more of us out there than I realized. And for anyone needing encouragement, here’s a story I listened to last night about a woman who didn’t have a boyfriend or meet her husband until her mid 30s!

setapartgirl.com/mymessage-krissysstory.html
 
Ugh, knee surgery! As an athletic person i can understand the horror of such a process. Maybe you can swim?
If not, you can still do upper body and core muscle work. Maybe this is an opportunity to get those arms and abs toned, you don’t need knees to do sit-ups or pull ups! 👍
Also, since you won’t be participating in aerobic activity you will be able to see the results of your eating habits more clearly. This will give you a chance to fine tune them, if they need fine tuning:)

On to the next point: the boyfriend situ
The best advice i can give is to be confident and to smile.
The most attractive thing is a confident happy person.

When i am feeling unattractive/crummy/blue/etc., i put on my favorite tunes, my most sexy bra and panties, a cute outfit, and gussy myself up, then i run errands. Getting out into the fresh air is a mood booster on it’s own, and getting things done does a girl good. Walking around all those strangers knowing that you are wearing some freakin’ hot underwear gives an unspoken self-confidence(it doesn’t matter that you are the only person that will see them) that should make you smile 😉

Making friends with boys is the best route to a boyfriend(friendship is the best base for a relationship). At your age guys might still be timid to readily approach a woman, if you are offering friendship they might be more willing to really get to know you. Put yourself in situations where you will meet a lot of people, the more fish in the pond, the more likely you are to catch one.

Take it slow, get to know yourself before you get thrown into a relationship 🙂

Hope this helped! Good luck!
 
I’m in the exact same boat as you are in. I’m 19, never dated, I’ve had a few people interested in me… but not for the right reasons.

I would seriously pray for your vocation long and hard. As a single Catholic woman, maybe you aren’t meant to be married. While a marriage vocation might sound nice and tangible now, maybe you are meant to consecrate your life to God. Have you ever considered religious life?

Just pray about it! Hope your knee heals quickly =]
 
Well, I didn’t start dating until I was in college, so I understand where you are coming from. It seemed everyone around me had guys asking them out and no one ever seemed to ask me out. In college, men started asking me out. I actually got married at 22 to my now husband, who I knew all through high school, but we never considered each other back then. It is funny what plans God has for you. I would have never imagined back in High School that I would have ever married him. lol. You are only 18, I know plenty of people who didn’t even date until their 20’s and they have mostly gotten married or are engaged. Don’t loose hope.
 
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