Depressed, Gay, Catholic

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ssa_fellow

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I’m miserable. Is anyone else on here homosexual and Catholic? Is anyone a member of Courage? Has anyone been to a Courage meeting?

I’m utterly alone. And my faith gives me little comfort anymore.There… My heart felt the Holy Spirit while typing this. He’s still there. But, I’ve been tortured and gone through suffering and misery for … roughly 18 months now. And it has no end. Every day feels like I go through another major crisis.

I have depression. I have no opportunities, hopes or dreams.

I am gay. And I hate my life. What can I do? Live by myself the rest of my life?

If I can’t find a Catholic Community to live in, Idk if I have a reason to live.

No one on this site can find any place to help me. Where do I go to get help? Can anyone help me?

I don’t want to lose my faith… but… I’m so miserable.

Edit:
I just thought of this one.
Is there any way for me to not live my whole life alone and lonely, without finding a Catholic Community to live in, or getting a boyfriend? Are there any other answers to that question/problem? How can I not be alone? What can I do to not be alone?
 
I wish i could help you.
Being gay and no one is there for you is very difficult but it is a cross for you i guess and you need to bear it with patience and love just like any other suffering and remember Jesus and Mary are always there for you. You are not alone. Just keep praying and trusting Jesus especially pray the Rosary and the divine mercy chaplet. Trust me i have obtained many wonderful graces from the Lord through Mary by praying the Rosary and the divine mercy chaplet. “Much prayer, much power” and i will be praying for you!
God will help you!

Here is a beautiful prayer that you can always pray when you feel depressed:

“Heart of Jesus, I adore Thee,
Heart of Mary, I implore thee,
Heart of Joseph, meek and just,
In these three Hearts I place my trust.”
 
ssa_fellow said:
I’m miserable. Is anyone else on here homosexual and Catholic? Is anyone a member of Courage? Has anyone been to a Courage meeting?

I’m utterly alone. And my faith gives me little comfort anymore.There… My heart felt the Holy Spirit while typing this. He’s still there. But, I’ve been tortured and gone through suffering and misery for … roughly 18 months now. And it has no end. Every day feels like I go through another major crisis.

I have depression. I have no opportunities, hopes or dreams.

I am gay. And I hate my life. What can I do? Live by myself the rest of my life?

If I can’t find a Catholic Community to live in, Idk if I have a reason to live.

No one on this site can find any place to help me. Where do I go to get help? Can anyone help me?

I don’t want to lose my faith… but… I’m so miserable.

Edit:
I just thought of this one.
Is there any way for me to not live my whole life alone and lonely, without finding a Catholic Community to live in, or getting a boyfriend? Are there any other answers to that question/problem? How can I not be alone? What can I do to not be alone?
Click to expand...
Based on your post, I’m not sure but I think you have not been to a Courage meeting. If so, why not attend one? You may get some tips on how to lead your life with regard to friendships and sexuality, and maybe you can make friends at the meetings with others who, like you, wish to remain faithful to their Catholic faith. Another option might be to speak to a clinical psychologist or social worker one on one, perhaps someone who is a practicing Catholic. Also, apart from your personal life, are you working or in school preparing for a profession? A satisfying job can also contribute to your happiness and sense of fulfillment in life, as well as enable you to make more friends. Finally, are there any family members or friends with whom you can share your feelings and concerns?
 
SSA, I am so sorry about how you feel! But please know you are not alone! As a divorced man, who cannot remarry, I am in somewhat the same situation with regards to remaining single. But Mary has brought me to Jesus through the Rosary like never before! Pray the Rosary!

Know that many single divorced people like me feel unitedy with our gay brothers and sisters in certain ways! I wish there was a way we could connect and share our stories. If you want to email me here , I would love to communicate with you and if we live near one another , we could even fellowship!

Please know that I think our gay brothers and sisters who are trying to remain faithful are heroes! I really admire you! God bless! You are not alone, and I dont think I am alone in telling you how much we in the Church love you and pray for your faith and strength, and see you faithful lives as truly heroic!

Ill be praying for you!
 
ssa_fellow said:
I’m miserable. Is anyone else on here homosexual and Catholic? Is anyone a member of Courage? Has anyone been to a Courage meeting?

I’m utterly alone. And my faith gives me little comfort anymore.There… My heart felt the Holy Spirit while typing this. He’s still there. But, I’ve been tortured and gone through suffering and misery for … roughly 18 months now. And it has no end. Every day feels like I go through another major crisis.

I have depression. I have no opportunities, hopes or dreams.

I am gay. And I hate my life. What can I do? Live by myself the rest of my life?

If I can’t find a Catholic Community to live in, Idk if I have a reason to live.

No one on this site can find any place to help me. Where do I go to get help? Can anyone help me?

I don’t want to lose my faith… but… I’m so miserable.

Edit:
I just thought of this one.
Is there any way for me to not live my whole life alone and lonely, without finding a Catholic Community to live in, or getting a boyfriend? Are there any other answers to that question/problem? How can I not be alone? What can I do to not be alone?
Click to expand...
If we were better at community then sexual attraction would have a less important place in our lives.

When we are alone or lonely or sad or vulnerable then our sexual thoughts gain more power.

You don’t deserve to be alone.

We are made for each other, and we are made for community, and it is not good that we should be alone.

Now - here’s my 2cents - when you help others you don’t feel so alone.

I would challenge you to give of yourself - and of course you’ve got gifts and talents to give, since you are made in the image and likeness of God.👍

BTW I would have no problem having a friend who was gay.:cool:
 
ssa fellow,

I am also homosexual, Catholic, and often suffer very dark times of soul-crushing depression.

Just a few minutes ago, I was weeping bitterly and intensely before God on my knees in the darkness of my room. It was for the exact same reasons that you listed in your post. I have never been so full of anger, frustration, rage, and disappointment in my life.

The last few days have made me question everything in my desires. I can never tell if it’s the Holy Spirit dissuading me from doing things that could hurt me, or if it’s Satan trying to stop me from living God’s plan.

It is beautiful that we are united in these things. Do not be too afraid or sad. Know that there is another soul who is going through just what you are experiencing at this very moment. There are many of us, you know? We are often hidden, because we are afraid of human beings and their judgment.

I desire with all my heart and soul to be in a religious community and become a priest. The Church has entered a culture of fear, however, and wants only perfect people. I’ve experienced this in several levels of the hierarchy; often, words are not even necessary. You can just feel the trepidation: “what if we accidentally hire another paedophile?” No one understands. We who suffer and struggle are being excluded from the sacred ministries because of the scandal given by others. On the other hand, because our struggles are so dark and, day-by day, almost destroy our own identity, it’s no wonder that nobody wants us. We are a liability, and not the supermen that people expect of men in habits and cassocks.

Like the young desert monk who was asked the meaning of a passage of Scripture, and who replied “I don’t know”, all I can say to your dilemma is: “I don’t know”. The Courage institution is not enough. We’re not alcoholics. We’re not drug addicts. We don’t need Anonymous Meetings and circle-talks. What we need is community, family, love, and a deep connection with other men in a non-sexual way.

I know where you are. I’ve wanted to commit suicide many times, dearly beloved in Christ. There has always been a guiding hand or a gentle voice leading me away from the pit of darkness. Our tears may be hot and bitter, but if we keep living for God’s love, then in the depths of our soul we are** perfectly conformed** to Christ by this pain, obedience, and love.

Do not go into the evil world of self-hate and violence. Satan is the one who wants to do violence to your soul. God, the Most Holy Trinity, desires only to dwell in you as one dwells in a sweet, holy, beautiful, peaceful, and silent dwelling. Perhaps He is blessing you with purification, chastisement, and the sharp nails of sorrow. Perhaps He is trying to reach out to you with His Spirit, through the flesh and blood of Christ in the Eucharist. Perhaps your tears blind you to His love. Perhaps they wash away the dirt and let you see Him more clearly. Perhaps you are meant to live as a celibate lay-person with friends. Perhaps you are meant to be in a community. I do not know. All I know is that, to God, you are the most beautiful thing in the entire Universe. He can desire nothing more than He desires you, for you suffer in conformity with His will, like His Most Beloved One: His Word, His Son, and the very mirror Image of His Person.

Please feel free to PM me if you’d like to talk…
 
ssa_fellow said:
I’m miserable. Is anyone else on here homosexual and Catholic? Is anyone a member of Courage? Has anyone been to a Courage meeting?

I’m utterly alone. And my faith gives me little comfort anymore.There… My heart felt the Holy Spirit while typing this. He’s still there. But, I’ve been tortured and gone through suffering and misery for … roughly 18 months now. And it has no end. Every day feels like I go through another major crisis.

I have depression. I have no opportunities, hopes or dreams.

I am gay. And I hate my life. What can I do? Live by myself the rest of my life?

If I can’t find a Catholic Community to live in, Idk if I have a reason to live.

No one on this site can find any place to help me. Where do I go to get help? Can anyone help me?

I don’t want to lose my faith… but… I’m so miserable.

Edit:
I just thought of this one.
Is there any way for me to not live my whole life alone and lonely, without finding a Catholic Community to live in, or getting a boyfriend? Are there any other answers to that question/problem? How can I not be alone? What can I do to not be alone?
Click to expand...
Do not get a boyfriend because dating is discernment for marriage. I have experienced same sex attractions. I know the struggle. I was depressed and suicidal for a long time. I found purpose in serving God and there are so many ways to do so. It can be as simple as praying for the Holy Souls in Purgatory or the Rosary. After being rejected so many times it gave me comfort that there was an endlessly loving, perfect God that loved me personally. It also comforted me knowing that no matter how much I suffered or struggled that the joys of Heaven would outweigh that. The more temptations you resist, the more merit you gain. You do not have to live alone, you can have friends. My advice is to maybe find a hobby that you are really passionate about or maybe read some good books.
 
SSA

Please don’t feel this way. Discouragement is one of the enemy’s greatest weapons. Don’t give into it. God loves you. God made you. God doesn’t make mistakes. Never forget, never doubt for a minute that you are dearly loved. Talk to God. Ask him to let you perceive his presence and some of the many things he does for you each day. You’re not alone. You’re not an outcast. Stay close. The Church is where you belong.
 
Hi,
For so many years I have believed that gay people who are trying to live a Christian life have such a challenge within our societies. However, God rains down special graces & mercy on those who have more difficult situations. ( I understand you are not feeling this at this time) God knows all of your heartache, pain & loneliness. His son also bore loneliness, pain, misunderstanding etc. and was living a single chaste life. Priests are also called to do this. But they can’t do it all alone!!! They need close friends of both sexes to encourage and share with!!! And acording to a priest friend prayer each day is the only way to remain happy and holy and chaste, not only in action but in thought. I want to help you so much!!! I don’t know exactly how, but I will pray and I hope you make contact with the other responders that also have experience facing challenges like yours. I think a holy priest, would be able to give you encouragement and wonderful advice. He is living a fruitful life with human challenges and is single. Hang in there, things will get better as you reach out for help with “Courage” a holy priest or two and to others. Later it will be easier to feel the closeness of our Lord and how He does understand your suffering and how he loves you so much.
 
robertkchacon said:
SSA, I am so sorry about how you feel! But please know you are not alone! As a divorced man, who cannot remarry, I am in somewhat the same situation with regards to remaining single. But Mary has brought me to Jesus through the Rosary like never before! Pray the Rosary!

Know that many single divorced people like me feel unitedy with our gay brothers and sisters in certain ways! I wish there was a way we could connect and share our stories. If you want to email me here , I would love to communicate with you and if we live near one another , we could even fellowship!

Please know that I think our gay brothers and sisters who are trying to remain faithful are heroes! I really admire you! God bless! You are not alone, and I dont think I am alone in telling you how much we in the Church love you and pray for your faith and strength, and see you faithful lives as truly heroic!

Ill be praying for you!
Click to expand...
what a wonderful and sincere post
 
Praedicare said:
ssa fellow,

I am also homosexual, Catholic, and often suffer very dark times of soul-crushing depression.

Just a few minutes ago, I was weeping bitterly and intensely before God on my knees in the darkness of my room. It was for the exact same reasons that you listed in your post. I have never been so full of anger, frustration, rage, and disappointment in my life.

The last few days have made me question everything in my desires. I can never tell if it’s the Holy Spirit dissuading me from doing things that could hurt me, or if it’s Satan trying to stop me from living God’s plan.

It is beautiful that we are united in these things. Do not be too afraid or sad. Know that there is another soul who is going through just what you are experiencing at this very moment. There are many of us, you know? We are often hidden, because we are afraid of human beings and their judgment.

I desire with all my heart and soul to be in a religious community and become a priest. The Church has entered a culture of fear, however, and wants only perfect people. I’ve experienced this in several levels of the hierarchy; often, words are not even necessary. You can just feel the trepidation: “what if we accidentally hire another paedophile?” No one understands. We who suffer and struggle are being excluded from the sacred ministries because of the scandal given by others. On the other hand, because our struggles are so dark and, day-by day, almost destroy our own identity, it’s no wonder that nobody wants us. We are a liability, and not the supermen that people expect of men in habits and cassocks.

Like the young desert monk who was asked the meaning of a passage of Scripture, and who replied “I don’t know”, all I can say to your dilemma is: “I don’t know”. The Courage institution is not enough. We’re not alcoholics. We’re not drug addicts. We don’t need Anonymous Meetings and circle-talks. What we need is community, family, love, and a deep connection with other men in a non-sexual way.

I know where you are. I’ve wanted to commit suicide many times, dearly beloved in Christ. There has always been a guiding hand or a gentle voice leading me away from the pit of darkness. Our tears may be hot and bitter, but if we keep living for God’s love, then in the depths of our soul we are** perfectly conformed** to Christ by this pain, obedience, and love.

Do not go into the evil world of self-hate and violence. Satan is the one who wants to do violence to your soul. God, the Most Holy Trinity, desires only to dwell in you as one dwells in a sweet, holy, beautiful, peaceful, and silent dwelling. Perhaps He is blessing you with purification, chastisement, and the sharp nails of sorrow. Perhaps He is trying to reach out to you with His Spirit, through the flesh and blood of Christ in the Eucharist. Perhaps your tears blind you to His love. Perhaps they wash away the dirt and let you see Him more clearly. Perhaps you are meant to live as a celibate lay-person with friends. Perhaps you are meant to be in a community. I do not know. All I know is that, to God, you are the most beautiful thing in the entire Universe. He can desire nothing more than He desires you, for you suffer in conformity with His will, like His Most Beloved One: His Word, His Son, and the very mirror Image of His Person.

Please feel free to PM me if you’d like to talk…
Click to expand...
Beautifully stated, Praedicare!

To ssa fellow, remember you are never alone.
 
You know, part of what you are experiencing is the same thing every single person experiences, not just gay people. It’s hard to be alone sometimes and not have built-in companionship. Just ask widows/widowers or divorced people or any single person who is watching their friends all get married. The thing to do is to find ways to socialize - if the parish doesn’t have anything that works for you then take fun classes at a community college and you will at least find people who share your interests.
 
Hang in there bro.

As others have said, even guys who may not have same-sex attractions can suffer similar pain.

My “flesh” used to urge me to have sex as often as possible and enjoy porn and self-pleasure every day, often while drinking and smoking. Nowadays, I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t have sex…

So, I must struggle each day with urges to look at porn and/or gratify myself. Temptations increase when women decide to wear provocative, revealing fashions, even in church for goodness sake! So, even if I am never going to bars or anything like that, I must always “avert my eyes” so as not to be tempted to go back to old ways.

And obviously, stuff like jobs, money, hardship comes along no matter what one’s sexual orientations are, amen? As a matter of fact, I have been feeling very sad, discouraged, feeling sorry for myself, all day. So, we are suffering together. 😉

Life can be hard. But you are not alone!

Read the gospel of John, one chapter a day. Talk to Jesus.
 
Sunbreak said:
You know, part of what you are experiencing is the same thing every single person experiences, not just gay people. It’s hard to be alone sometimes and not have built-in companionship. Just ask widows/widowers or divorced people or any single person who is watching their friends all get married. The thing to do is to find ways to socialize - if the parish doesn’t have anything that works for you then take fun classes at a community college and you will at least find people who share your interests.
Click to expand...
I’ll add that the time I felt the most palpably lonely was actually within our marriage when we hit a low point that lasted a few years. Nothing (to me anyway) beat the pain of lying in bed next to someone who was estranged and wanted nothing to do with you. I found physical loneliness much easier to handle, to the point that I moved into my study and would rather sleep alone. Fortunately we managed to turn it around and not feed the lawyers.

But we should always remember when we feel sorry for ourselves, that there’s someone out there with a pain much worse than ours, and that we all have our crosses to bear.

During those tough times I found fellowship in the choir I sing in, in other oblates, in my flying buddies, and other friends, but most especially, in the Liturgy of the Hours to which I developed a great devotion during that period. The daily liturgy probably saved my life as it gave me purpose. Some good commentaries on the Rule of St. Benedict at that time also helped me get out of myself and realize I wasn’t alone in the suffering department.

That said, to the OP, find someone suffering more than you are (trust me it’s easy), and reach out to him or her. Follow the opening line of the Rule of St. Benedict, and “Listen with the ear of your heart” to that person.

The OP and all sufferers are in my prayers.
 
meltzerboy said:
Based on your post, I’m not sure but I think you have not been to a Courage meeting. If so, why not attend one? You may get some tips on how to lead your life with regard to friendships and sexuality, and maybe you can make friends at the meetings with others who, like you, wish to remain faithful to their Catholic faith. Another option might be to speak to a clinical psychologist or social worker one on one, perhaps someone who is a practicing Catholic. Also, apart from your personal life, are you working or in school preparing for a profession? A satisfying job can also contribute to your happiness and sense of fulfillment in life, as well as enable you to make more friends. Finally, are there any family members or friends with whom you can share your feelings and concerns?
Click to expand...
Hey. So, I thought I’d respond to this post for sure. Because it kind of demonstrates how bad my depression can be. I was pretty depressed when I made this thread, but I’m having a pretty good day today.

Anyways… I already have many of the things you’re suggesting.

I’m trying to find Courage, Courage doesn’t have any chapters near me, but that could be changing soon. Anyways, I’m seriously considering driving 3 hours to go to a meeting, maybe sometime in January or February…
  1. I do talk to a counselor every week. We’re taking a 3 week break for the holidays, but I’ve been in counseling with her since October. And its been pretty good so far.
  2. I am working right now, but just a part time job. So… no… I’m not really preparing for a career right now.
  3. I have at least 4 friends who I can talk to about just about everything. Its just tough when they’re busy. 2 weeks ago they all had exams, and now, they’re all home visiting family and stuff…
Anyways, I’m already doing a lot of the things I should be doing. But… even with all that… I can still feel completely not a peace, and get desperate for help.
 
Wow, thanks for all the responses! Its really encouraging and helfpul. Also, I know just about everyone is wanting to talk to me or offering to talk with me. Just send me a PM!

I’m kind of in one sense probably getting advice from too many people. I get advice and talk about these things all the time with my friends, and I’ll post about it here, and I’ll talk to priests about it, and I have a counselor. So… sometimes I wish I’d just take a chill pill and live my life.

But, that’s the thing. I’m so scared of being alone. Because, sometimes when I’m alone… the above happens (in the OP). I get terribly lonely, sad, depressed. And I don’t deserve that. And no one deserves that. We live in an imperfect world where loneliness and isolation and depression happen to many people.

Idk.

When I get out of this, because I’m going to overcome this ****. It would be selfish of me to just live a normal life. I want to do everything in my power to help other people. Because there are going to still be hordes of people afflicted like this… and what can I do to make our society better help people that this happens to?

How can our Church respond to this? That’s what I want to do.
And like Praedicare said, he really feels led to be a priest. I mean, I’ve had a serious and persistent longing to want to be a priest … but the past 4 or 5 months that’s kind of shifted into religious life. Then again, I’ve been interested in religious life for a long time

Anyways… I just want to serve the Church.

And yes, a large part of my suffering probably is the Devil. He doesn’t want me to serve the Church. He wants me to look at porn, and to despair, and to be depressed, and to be self conscious, and have anxiety. He’ll use all my weaknesses to keep me back.

So…
I think I’m going to pray a Rosary now…
I think some of you said that its a moderately effective tool 😃
LOL
… that was an attempt at internet sarcasm. I know the Rosary is awesome.

Anyways. Thanks again y’all.

Please PM me if you want to keep in touch!

Thanks so much for all the prayers!
 
ssa_fellow said:
Hey. So, I thought I’d respond to this post for sure. Because it kind of demonstrates how bad my depression can be. I was pretty depressed when I made this thread, but I’m having a pretty good day today.

Anyways… I already have many of the things you’re suggesting.

I’m trying to find Courage, Courage doesn’t have any chapters near me, but that could be changing soon. Anyways, I’m seriously considering driving 3 hours to go to a meeting, maybe sometime in January or February…
  1. I do talk to a counselor every week. We’re taking a 3 week break for the holidays, but I’ve been in counseling with her since October. And its been pretty good so far.
  2. I am working right now, but just a part time job. So… no… I’m not really preparing for a career right now.
  3. I have at least 4 friends who I can talk to about just about everything. Its just tough when they’re busy. 2 weeks ago they all had exams, and now, they’re all home visiting family and stuff…
Anyways, I’m already doing a lot of the things I should be doing. But… even with all that… I can still feel completely not a peace, and get desperate for help.
Click to expand...
I would advise you to stay with your counselor if you feel she is helping you, even after you begin feeling better. It’s great you found someone you can freely talk with. You’re also fortunate you have a few friends with whom you can share your feelings. Don’t take that lightly either. I would try Courage as well when a chapter opens up closer to you, or if you’re up for the long ride. And don’t quit your job until you find a full-time one that you like and which also pays well enough to support yourself. As I suggested before, work is a part of your recovery. Do you have a pet? If not, get one: it will take your mind off your problems. As you say, you’re still not completely at peace, and this is to be expected. For one thing, most of us humans are not completely at peace for one reason or another. Further, you’re probably young, 20 to 30? People your age have all kinds of internal conflicts and worries. It’s often a matter of maturing: in other words, as you grow older, you’ll begin to accept certain things in your life, such as being gay, which you can’t change. That doesn’t mean your life can’t be rich and rewarding in the service of G-d and your fellow man, as well as an enjoyable experience. So, take heart. Even if it may seem to you to be the end of the world at times, it is not.
 
there is nothing wrong with being gay , lesbian bisexual and transsexual
i am bisexual i am married to a man but if he was a women id still marry him
i love him for him not his sex
i am catholic and sometimes i struggle being Catholic because of the church views on homosexuals
struggle a lot with it
Am sick of homophobia by Catholics and other So called Christians
Jesus teaches us to love one another why should that only mean heterosexuals?
we all sin but didnt jesus tell us to love the sinner
not that am calling being gay a sin because its not
there is no commandment that says that homosexuality is wrong
am sorry that your depressed i understand you are struggling
please look after yourself Jesus loves you no matter what
 
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