Depressed living at home

[MadetoLove]

I usually try to refrain from posting my problems on here, but I am at a point in my life where I feel stuck and where I have no control.

I’m in my 20s, with two young children and I live at home with my parents. I’ve been mostly going to school for the past several years, trying to establish myself financially that way. I “lost” a whole year of school because of treatment for cancer. Toward the end of this treatment regimen, my older sister and her two kids moved in. She was only supposed to stay here for a few weeks, but now it’s been a year and a half since she moved in and she’s not planning on moving out until next summer.

I’ve been desperately wanting to move out but there’s many roadblocks in the way. I tried to live with another sister earlier this year but that only lasted a couple months because my sister and her family had to move. I came back to my parents house, was applying for jobs, still doing school but then I found out that my stupid cancer came back. I’m on chemo again so I can’t work, can’t focus on school and I don’t know yet when chemo is going to be over.

Even when it’s over, I’m not sure how I’m going to generate enough income to live on my own. I would have to make $25 an hour working fulltime or $48,000 a year in order to support me & my kids. Many jobs around here do not pay that much. I’m thinking of going to nursing school but that would require me to live at home for 2-3 more years.

My sister who lives at my parents house has always had anger issues. She yells at her kids every day. Everyone else in the house has to listen to it. She’s been confronted about how she treats her kids several times but she always gets defensive when people say anything. Her daughters don’t always have great manners, and her younger one (age 7)treats my son (age 4) like cr*p a lot of the time.

There are 5 adults and 4 children living here. I feel like there’s too many people living here and I can’t deal with the constant yelling, the constant fighting between her kids and mine. My mother has already expressed that she’s not going to “kick anybody out.”

I’m sorry if I sound selfish and/or ungrateful. I know there are millions of people out there living in worse conditions. But I’m just being honest when I say I feel I am slipping into depression, that this situation continues to stress me out. My body can hardly handle this.

Thank you for reading. Please pray for me if you can.

 

[Polycarp1]

Yes I can, and will. What you describe is very common. Older children living with their parents. At one time this was considered fairly normal even after they were married. God Bless you and your parents.

 

[EasterJoy]

…I’m sorry if I sound selfish and/or ungrateful. I know there are millions of people out there living in worse conditions. But I’m just being honest when I say I feel I am slipping into depression, that this situation continues to stress me out. My body can hardly handle this…

Yes, I can see where you are coming from: thankful that you are not dealing with single parenthood of two children and cancer by yourself and yet still feeling the stress of cramped living conditions, strife you must witness but ultimately cannot control, and an uncertain future. You love your sister and her childen, but for all the help she gives she also makes some choices that don’t help the situation.

Perhaps the Serenity Prayer applies. The things you can do: Continually thank your parents for being there for you. Ask your parents if they have any ideas what you can do to make the stress of the house better. Continue to pray, avail yourself of the sacraments, and take care of yourself and your children, to give yourself the best chance of healing. Unload your worries not just in prayer, but to discrete third parties who can listen without making the situation worse, people who can listen to you without thinking worse of your sister or judge her for her trials, or at least people who don’t know her, so her reputation with people who know her will not be harmed.

And hey, don’t give up on nursing. Those who have been through a lot can make really wonderful nurses.

*God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. *

–Reinhold Niebuhr

 

[Cricket2]

You can get out if you could qualify for assistance. I am not saying you would be wealthy or anything like that, and the process is not very nice. But why not try for disability and assistance for the children? You could request help at the place you are getting chemo (most hospitals do have social worker for this.)

And I have to ask, (I pray this will not be the case) but do you have something in writing concerning who gets custody of the children should you die? It does not sound like your sister is an ideal person for this responsibility.

My prayers are with you, as this is certainly a very heavy cross to bear. May God grant you healing and peace.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Sounds like there’s just too many families in the house. Used to be folks just learned to accomidate themselves to such living conditions now days people don’t know how. The adults are frustrated because they don’t have their own space and the kids are probably acting out for the same reason. Has your sister looked into finding a roomate or flat she could rent. Her kids could share rooms. Have you looked at catholic charities to see if they have any suggestions. Prayers.

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength & fortitude in your time of need.

 

[MadetoLove]

Thank you all for your responses and your prayers. I am actually feeling better today. I feel like God is telling me that no, He doesn’t want me to be stressed out but that He’s using this situation to further purge me of my attachment to being in control. I was also able to gently discuss how I felt about the situation with my dad and he said he would discuss it more with my mom. He feels that my sister is certainly old enough and has a decent enough income to where she would be just fine living on her own. She has lived on her own just fine before anyhow.

I’ve looked into some assistance programs. I could probably do some more research into them. I will have to wait until I am finished with my medical treatments though before I look into actually trying to live somewhere else. In time, in God’s time.

I still have yet to create a will , I will have to get around to that as soon as I can. Chemo is so draining, it takes quite a bit of energy to get even the smallest things done.

Thank you all again for your help. I’ll pray God continues to bless all of you