Depressed. SSA Doomed to Misery

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ssa_fellow

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Well, I’m about to go to bed. I’ve been crying for the past hour or so just reading these forums. What people say about vocations for people with SSA.

A lot of people on these forums and the Church in general have some very negative views of people with SSA. I won’t say “homosexuals” bc God forbid I possibly categorize myself in that way. I have enough SSA that even if I was slightly attracted to women, I’m too insecure to ask one out. Has anyone thought of that? There are probably plenty of people with SSA out there who feel that they couldn’t be a good husband because of this struggle. That’s what I think. Why do that to that woman? Why should she have to deal with that? She deserves a better man than me. So, even if I had some mild attraction to women… that’s why I can’t take that any further. There are plenty of married people with SSA. Well, there are also plenty of ppl with SSA who are just too awkward in relating the opposite sex to even really “give it a go” and therefore don’t even really think about it much. Idk… I thought I’d post that rant. I would guess most people on CAF have never had this occur to them in the slightest, when it comes to people with Same Sex Attraction.

I’m gonna cry myself to sleep again tonight.
Most people on these forums seem like they’d happily grab a pitchfork to stop me from entering a seminary or religious order. Quite frankly, the idea of single life seems unbearable to me. But, apparently I’m basically consigned to single life just because I have SSA.
I don’t want to be consigned to something. Don’t I get the opportunity to discern like anyone else? Because that’s what it feels like if you didn’t realize it. It feels like discerning through process of elimination.

Marriage?
Priesthood?
Religious Life?

Well, I’m gay, so obviously I couldn’t do any of those things. So… what’s left then?

That’s what it feels like.

Isn’t that why we even use the term “SSA”? Because it implies that I am not the sum of my sexual orientation. Because same-sex attraction isn’t a sexual orientation. Opposite sex attraction isn’t a sexual orientation either. Those are just things we experience. ____ experiences _____ attractions. Sexual orientation is: heterosexual, homosexual, somewhere in between (bisexual) or some ppl have asexual.

I don’t want to be reduced to my sexual orientation. Most people other than my close friends don’t know that I’m gay. They just know me as someone who is a faithful Catholic. I see them at Mass, sometimes daily Mass. I defend what the Church teaches, sometimes very articulately. I help them put on Catholic retreats. I help them do pro-life stuff.

I’m sorry if I’m rambling. Read my previous threads about my personal situation. Much of its on CAF already.

I’m so very frustrated because the response of the Church to people like me has been very very bad. And very very little.

Most often I have to try to prove that I’m an orthodox Catholic.

I’ve been doing Catholic things for several years now. Over 4 years I’ve been actively practicing again. Going to Mass and confession regularly for over 4 years. I’m almost 24 years old. I’ve never done anything with another man. I’ve never done anything with anyone. I’ve never held someone’s hand romantically. Nothing.

And I’m miserable. I haven’t lived in the “gay lifestyle” at all. I’ve been doing what the Church wants me to do. I am a sinner obviously. I have a pornography problem. But, is that really the sum of all that is wrong with my life? Is that the cause of all my misery?

I think its really that the Church doesn’t have a whole lot for me to do.

Again, single life sounds absolutely terrible. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. The thought of that makes me not want to live. [Yeah, that’s right, if you haven’t guessed, I have depression]. If my lot is seriously single life, then honestly I don’t know how long I’ll make it. I might kill myself before living single life for the rest of my life. I might decide to engage in the gay lifestyle… [Which again, I’ve never done].

I just want community. Read some threads where the only word I use is COMMUNITY. How can a single life person have community? I want to do what the Church says. But, again… I’d rather live with another man that have to live alone the rest of my life. The rest of my life might not be a very long time if I have to be alone [IE: I could end it prematurely].

I put this in the prayer section bc if people have nothing nice to say to me, then they can at least pray for me. I think one more hurtful thing from a poster on CAF will crush my spirit. It makes me cry a lot. Good night.
 
Why would being gay stop you from being a priest or religious?
A priest or religious takes the vow of chastity, so his or her orientation is irrelevant. Straight or gay have a natural attraction to one sex or other. Either way, they don’t act on it in the priestly or religious life.
It’s nobody’s business what the priest’s or religious’ orientation is, unless he is breaking the vow of chastity and harming others.

I hope you find some peace. I’m sorry you feel so sad.

Praying for you.
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.
 
St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.
 
I will passionately pray for you to have peace, strength and direction. Suicide is not an answer to anything. If you want someone compassionate who won’t judge you to talk with, I would gladly receive a private message from you. I’m not a counselor, just a nice guy and a good friend to people. Either way, you have my prayers.
 
You are free to discern like anybody else.

What you are not “allowed” to do, if you would avoid sin, is pursue a same-sex relationship.

These days, due to the evils committed within the Church related to sexuality, those seeking the ordained life and having SSA are very tightly “vetted”. But I have never heard of an absolute bar existing.

Ask your spiritual advisor.

God Bless and ICXC NIKA
 
I’m so sorry for your pain, brother. You describe a profoundly heavy cross. I don’t claim to have any answers for you, but be assured of my prayers for you. Also, if you’re not familiar with it, there is the Courage apostolate specifically for men and women who live with ssa (couragerc.org/). If you’re in a city with a chapter, it may provide a vital outlet for you. Also check out a few blogs, like mudbloodcatholic.blogspot.com/ and spiritualfriendship.org/. You may find some resonance here. Also check out this short film called “The Third Way.” vimeo.com/93079367

Sorry, don’t mean to fire hose you. I don’t want to sound Pollyanna about it - your cross is very heavy - but there is purpose in this. I pray for your heart to be open to discovering it.

May God bless and keep you, brother.
 
In addition to what grobyak posted above, I would also recommend the documentary Desire of the Everlasting Hills, you can watch the full length version here. everlastinghills.org/
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need. Praying for your intentions.
 
ssa_fellow said:
Well, I’m about to go to bed. I’ve been crying for the past hour or so just reading these forums. What people say about vocations for people with SSA.

A lot of people on these forums and the Church in general have some very negative views of people with SSA. I won’t say “homosexuals” bc God forbid I possibly categorize myself in that way. I have enough SSA that even if I was slightly attracted to women, I’m too insecure to ask one out. Has anyone thought of that? There are probably plenty of people with SSA out there who feel that they couldn’t be a good husband because of this struggle. That’s what I think. Why do that to that woman? Why should she have to deal with that? She deserves a better man than me. So, even if I had some mild attraction to women… that’s why I can’t take that any further. There are plenty of married people with SSA. Well, there are also plenty of ppl with SSA who are just too awkward in relating the opposite sex to even really “give it a go” and therefore don’t even really think about it much. Idk… I thought I’d post that rant. I would guess most people on CAF have never had this occur to them in the slightest, when it comes to people with Same Sex Attraction.

I’m gonna cry myself to sleep again tonight.
Most people on these forums seem like they’d happily grab a pitchfork to stop me from entering a seminary or religious order. Quite frankly, the idea of single life seems unbearable to me. But, apparently I’m basically consigned to single life just because I have SSA.
I don’t want to be consigned to something. Don’t I get the opportunity to discern like anyone else? Because that’s what it feels like if you didn’t realize it. It feels like discerning through process of elimination.

Marriage?
Priesthood?
Religious Life?

Well, I’m gay, so obviously I couldn’t do any of those things. So… what’s left then?

That’s what it feels like.

Isn’t that why we even use the term “SSA”? Because it implies that I am not the sum of my sexual orientation. Because same-sex attraction isn’t a sexual orientation. Opposite sex attraction isn’t a sexual orientation either. Those are just things we experience. ____ experiences _____ attractions. Sexual orientation is: heterosexual, homosexual, somewhere in between (bisexual) or some ppl have asexual.

I don’t want to be reduced to my sexual orientation. Most people other than my close friends don’t know that I’m gay. They just know me as someone who is a faithful Catholic. I see them at Mass, sometimes daily Mass. I defend what the Church teaches, sometimes very articulately. I help them put on Catholic retreats. I help them do pro-life stuff.

I’m sorry if I’m rambling. Read my previous threads about my personal situation. Much of its on CAF already.

I’m so very frustrated because the response of the Church to people like me has been very very bad. And very very little.

Most often I have to try to prove that I’m an orthodox Catholic.

I’ve been doing Catholic things for several years now. Over 4 years I’ve been actively practicing again. Going to Mass and confession regularly for over 4 years. I’m almost 24 years old. I’ve never done anything with another man. I’ve never done anything with anyone. I’ve never held someone’s hand romantically. Nothing.

And I’m miserable. I haven’t lived in the “gay lifestyle” at all. I’ve been doing what the Church wants me to do. I am a sinner obviously. I have a pornography problem. But, is that really the sum of all that is wrong with my life? Is that the cause of all my misery?

I think its really that the Church doesn’t have a whole lot for me to do.

Again, single life sounds absolutely terrible. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. The thought of that makes me not want to live. [Yeah, that’s right, if you haven’t guessed, I have depression]. If my lot is seriously single life, then honestly I don’t know how long I’ll make it. I might kill myself before living single life for the rest of my life. I might decide to engage in the gay lifestyle… [Which again, I’ve never done].

I just want community. Read some threads where the only word I use is COMMUNITY. How can a single life person have community? I want to do what the Church says. But, again… I’d rather live with another man that have to live alone the rest of my life. The rest of my life might not be a very long time if I have to be alone [IE: I could end it prematurely].

I put this in the prayer section bc if people have nothing nice to say to me, then they can at least pray for me. I think one more hurtful thing from a poster on CAF will crush my spirit. It makes me cry a lot. Good night.
Click to expand...
Friend I am a recovering bisexual. I have not really been active in it but, I realized a few years ago that I am way too heterosexual to be bisexual. My friend we are your friends
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon ssa fellow in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen

†
 
You sound like a pretty good person to me. Yes, you can discern for the priesthood or religious life. You do need to be up front and honest with your SSA and how you are addressing and living with the attraction. The one thing that would concern me is that you might want to become a priest/religious because you are lonely. Even that may not be an impediment, but make you a better priest because you know struggle, and pain. I think you should feel free to look into different orders, seminaries or communities. You never know what God intends for you. Peace and prayers.
 
My heart goes out to you. I would give you a hug if you were next to me. One “thing” that helped my parents (who lived a long life) and me during the most difficult times of our lives is this:

Let nothing disturb you,
let nothing frighten you.
All things pass.
God does not change.
Patience achieves everything.
Whoever has God lacks nothing.
God alone suffices.
. . . . St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582)
That (which is much longer) is actually a kind of self reminder/reprimand. We know that because she wrote it in Spanish and she never ever used the “tu” form to address anyone but herself. I’ll look for the whole “poem” in English and post it here for you; however, you have the above until I can find it translated.

Praying strongly for you. . . . .

:signofcross:
Prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel
St Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle;
be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray
and do thou, O prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into Hell Satan
and all the other evil spirits
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

The Memorare
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known,
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help
or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To thee I come, before thee I stand,
sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petition,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.

:signofcross:
 
Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)
 
ssa_fellow said:
Well, I’m about to go to bed. I’ve been crying for the past hour or so just reading these forums. What people say about vocations for people with SSA.

A lot of people on these forums and the Church in general have some very negative views of people with SSA. I won’t say “homosexuals” bc God forbid I possibly categorize myself in that way. I have enough SSA that even if I was slightly attracted to women, I’m too insecure to ask one out. Has anyone thought of that? There are probably plenty of people with SSA out there who feel that they couldn’t be a good husband because of this struggle. That’s what I think. Why do that to that woman? Why should she have to deal with that? She deserves a better man than me. So, even if I had some mild attraction to women… that’s why I can’t take that any further. There are plenty of married people with SSA. Well, there are also plenty of ppl with SSA who are just too awkward in relating the opposite sex to even really “give it a go” and therefore don’t even really think about it much. Idk… I thought I’d post that rant. I would guess most people on CAF have never had this occur to them in the slightest, when it comes to people with Same Sex Attraction.

I’m gonna cry myself to sleep again tonight.
Most people on these forums seem like they’d happily grab a pitchfork to stop me from entering a seminary or religious order. Quite frankly, the idea of single life seems unbearable to me. But, apparently I’m basically consigned to single life just because I have SSA.
I don’t want to be consigned to something. Don’t I get the opportunity to discern like anyone else? Because that’s what it feels like if you didn’t realize it. It feels like discerning through process of elimination.

Marriage?
Priesthood?
Religious Life?

Well, I’m gay, so obviously I couldn’t do any of those things. So… what’s left then?

That’s what it feels like.

Isn’t that why we even use the term “SSA”? Because it implies that I am not the sum of my sexual orientation. Because same-sex attraction isn’t a sexual orientation. Opposite sex attraction isn’t a sexual orientation either. Those are just things we experience. ____ experiences _____ attractions. Sexual orientation is: heterosexual, homosexual, somewhere in between (bisexual) or some ppl have asexual.

I don’t want to be reduced to my sexual orientation. Most people other than my close friends don’t know that I’m gay. They just know me as someone who is a faithful Catholic. I see them at Mass, sometimes daily Mass. I defend what the Church teaches, sometimes very articulately. I help them put on Catholic retreats. I help them do pro-life stuff.

I’m sorry if I’m rambling. Read my previous threads about my personal situation. Much of its on CAF already.

I’m so very frustrated because the response of the Church to people like me has been very very bad. And very very little.

Most often I have to try to prove that I’m an orthodox Catholic.

I’ve been doing Catholic things for several years now. Over 4 years I’ve been actively practicing again. Going to Mass and confession regularly for over 4 years. I’m almost 24 years old. I’ve never done anything with another man. I’ve never done anything with anyone. I’ve never held someone’s hand romantically. Nothing.

And I’m miserable. I haven’t lived in the “gay lifestyle” at all. I’ve been doing what the Church wants me to do. I am a sinner obviously. I have a pornography problem. But, is that really the sum of all that is wrong with my life? Is that the cause of all my misery?

I think its really that the Church doesn’t have a whole lot for me to do.

Again, single life sounds absolutely terrible. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. The thought of that makes me not want to live. [Yeah, that’s right, if you haven’t guessed, I have depression]. If my lot is seriously single life, then honestly I don’t know how long I’ll make it. I might kill myself before living single life for the rest of my life. I might decide to engage in the gay lifestyle… [Which again, I’ve never done].

I just want community. Read some threads where the only word I use is COMMUNITY. How can a single life person have community? I want to do what the Church says. But, again… I’d rather live with another man that have to live alone the rest of my life. The rest of my life might not be a very long time if I have to be alone [IE: I could end it prematurely].

I put this in the prayer section bc if people have nothing nice to say to me, then they can at least pray for me. I think one more hurtful thing from a poster on CAF will crush my spirit. It makes me cry a lot. Good night.
Click to expand...
Praying for you, for you are a son of God and my brother.

:signofcross:
The Memorare
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known,
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help
or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To thee I come, before thee I stand,
sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petition,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.
:signofcross:
Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)
 
Two more Our Fathers said - one for you, and one for the Church so all Christians will model community, in every neighbourhood, in the here and now, in addition to any monks nuns etc.
 
ssa_fellow said:
… A lot of people on these forums and the Church in general have some very negative views of people with SSA. [1] … I have enough SSA that even if I was slightly attracted to women, I’m too insecure to ask one out. Has anyone thought of that? There are probably plenty of people with SSA out there who feel that they couldn’t be a good husband because of this struggle. That’s what I think. Why do that to that woman? Why should she have to deal with that? She deserves a better man than me. So, even if I had some mild attraction to women… that’s why I can’t take that any further. … Well, there are also plenty of ppl with SSA who are just too awkward in relating the opposite sex to even really “give it a go” and therefore don’t even really think about it much. … I would guess most people on CAF have never had this occur to them in the slightest, when it comes to people with Same Sex Attraction. [2] …
Click to expand...
[1] A few of us spend time continuing trying to inform them.

[2] I’m still at that point and am 60. I don’t think of myself as not a good enough man, just not yet compatible. I was fortunate with employment and have some nice hobbies of late, based on old childhood likes. Somehow there’s often been Protestants in my life who are Community for me.

Two more Our Fathers said.
 
Hang in there! There is a light at the end of the tunnel – and it is not a train! We are holding you up in prayer…

Prayer Against Depression
by St Ignatius of Loyola:

:signofcross:
O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

**Road Ahead **

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” :signofcross:
  • Thomas Merton
 
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